Friendship with female is becoming complicated...

[daysofthenew]

I am a 22-year old male with a long-standing friendship with a female, one that dates back approximately 6 years. We have gone from casual friends to very close friends over the past year and a half or so, though there has been nothing physical between us. Approximately 2 years ago, I asked her out on a date and she declined, citing her interest in just remaining friends. Though I have always found her to be very attractive and this was a minor blow to my ego, I brushed it aside and we have become very close platonically since then. I vowed that I would not press the topic with her and I certainly did not elaborate on my reasons for asking her out, as those would probably be obvious.

I have undergone a great deal of personal growth over the past year, dropping 40 pounds and gaining a great deal of confidence and perspective in the process. Being a humorous, intelligent guy, I have been able to snag a few dates here and there over the past couple of years despite the excess weight (I have gone from fat to cuddly, and still shrinking  ) and have developed some friendships out of these dates, nothing serious or long-term romantically, but the kind of casual friendships that I find important in life(I would consider long-term with the right woman, though I am not actively pursuing it).

Over the past couple of months, I have experienced a rekindling of the attraction toward her. Not that the attraction was dormant, it just wasn’t all that relevant to the friendship as it stood (in other words, not dating my friend was fine, unless she decided that she wanted to date me and told me so). I believe that there are elements of attraction in all male-female friendships, whether it is an emotional attraction or a physical attraction. I also believe that these friendships can become complicated from time to time. I have, on one previous occasion, dated a girl that I was friends with for a couple of years. We dated for 4 months, decided that we were better as friends and we are still friendly.

Where my current situation becomes a little complicated is the fact that there have been a couple of potential signs that she may be attracted to me in a slightly more than platonic way and I definitely have experienced, as I mentioned before, a spark in the attraction I have for my friend. Before I could broach the subject, a mutual friend of ours revealed to her that he was interested in casually dating her. They have been on only one date thus far.

We go to the same university and have always been in touch several times a week. Since this happened a couple of weeks ago, I have drawn back from her a bit. I don’t make the effort of contacting her that I did before (for reference’s sake, I would say the proportion of “who-contacted-who” prior to would have been 55% of the time me contacting her and 45% her contacting me). Since then, we have talked several times but, now, the who-calls-who has reversed. I have no desire to read into this development at all, because it could very well be nothing.

The problem is, hearing her talk about her date with our mutual friend caused a small amount of jealousy by me, particularly when it came to hearing that they kissed. She has dated a few other guys over the past couple of years and I have never felt the way I do towards the idea of her kissing someone that isn’t me, this in spite of the fact that we have never kissed and the fact that I have dated others as well, most recently three weeks ago.

Where does that leave me now? I can ignore the feelings that I am feeling right now and say nothing. I can say something, which seems selfish to do now that she is dating someone. Does anybody have some advice as to what to do? Given that I am uncertain as to whether she has interest in dating me now, much less two years ago, what would be the best method for discussing this with her? Am I just feeling jealous because maybe I view her as someone that I can’t have, a delayed psychological reaction to being rejected two years ago? Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.