Problem with this forum

[+Franziska]

I have sent several messages to the moderators of this forum. I wish to leave it, please delete my membership and account.

It appears that more people have wanted to leave this forum, and are experiencing the same problem.

I was surprised that this option wasn't in the FAQ section, so this forum doesn't make a good impression.

[vashti]

Why do you need to have your account deleted? All you have to do is stop logging in.

[Junket]

What a fag.

[misombra]

why don't you just go away?

[Kiechi]

I didn't get one .

[DoesntMatter]

Somebody delete this guys life

[misombra]

he's already deleted!

he's some kind of freakin zombie!

[anachronistic]

I've got nickels!

[Macky]

Pardon me for saying something. In my humble opinion, I think this online love forum is not exactly a good place for people who are in serious love problems.

Although I have only read some of the threads and posts, I come across some quite nasty comments by members here.

Although they may mean good, but the tone that they reply is sometimes, very very sarcastic and unfeeling. I mean, why do people come to this online forum to seek help? Some of them must be in considerable amount of pain over lover matters, and they have no one to talk to. It is important that the way we reply towards them should be more subtle and friendly, even if they are in the wrong.

We should always put ourselves in others' shoes before we comment and give advice to them. I'm sure the last thing you want is to pour out your heart in a new thread and get rubbished by others, criticizing your actions and your mentality. Every one deserves the right to do what they like, as long as it does not hurt others.

If some of the members were to be put into an SOS helpline that deals with people having love problems and with suicidal intent, I think the consequences would be unbearable.

Let's make this forum more 'friendly' and caring. Don't just stamp the harsh reality right in front of people's face. There are a thousand ways to say a thing. Why do you have to be so cruel towards someone who could be so confused and scared?

I hope all of us can reflect on how we answer and reply to people in this forum and ask ourselves "What if I am the one asking this question? Why are they bombarding me with such nasty comments? Such non constructive remarks?"

All the above, in my opinion, is the real problem with this forum.

I know I may be flamed, but I am entitled to my own comments. Let's start being a little nicer in your next post. Of course, I am not saying you should be so nice that everything you said paints such a good picture. It is the tone and way you reply, not the content and essence of what you want to convey that is problematic.

Thank you.

[vashti]

Macky, if you are having a problem with a specific poster, I suggest you address them directly, else you will have everyone become defensive.

I think people generally DO get good advice here. True, much of it is not sugar-coated, but then again, not everyone needs that. If a person has a serious problem (suicidal), they are ALWAYS told they should speak to a professional.

I suspect you are projecting your own needs on other people. People are getting free advice here. If a person such as yourself has a need for more sensitive communication, I'd suggest hiring a personal therapist.

I'd like to point out that many of the posters who present problems here have already discussed their problems ad nauseum with all their friends, and what they are really looking for here is some unbiased truth. People with serious psychological issues should not be seeking help in a public forum with non-professionals.

[anachronistic]

I think this is the best way to get advice... it's better than going to a friend or relative or whoever because you get to see what other people think about it. You can't go wrong with that. Some of us ARE sarcastic at times, but usually only when the problem is ridiculous or mundane.

[squirrley]

Its a public forum, if you dont like it, leave. End of story. I say 99% of posters on here are awesome!

[Illusional]

macky you are right. you have touched my heart unlike any other poster on the forums. i for one, will not flame you because i don't believe in flames, i'm much more of a rock thrower, but currently i'm also out of rocks.

i feel what you are trying to say and i must apologize for people like gigabitch and vashti as i know that they can be very rude at times. they mean well and they tell people to truth, even though it might not be what the poster wants to hear. nonetheless, they try their best to be the best. they are only human and they also have feelings so your best bet would be to kick them in their shins while they are not looking for all the grievance that they have caused the new members, probably including yourself.

i will take it upon myself to report these two members to friz or the nearest moderator when they are available. most of the time they are usually drunk so if i am unable to contact them, i will leave them a message in hopes that they will return it with the swiftest of actions. thanks for your concern because i could not have stood up on my own two feet and speak my mind as i am here now.

i also might get flamed by this, but my point has been heard.

raverboy

[Mish]

It is important that the way we reply towards them should be more subtle and friendly, even if they are in the wrong.

We should always put ourselves in others' shoes before we comment and give advice to them. I'm sure the last thing you want is to pour out your heart in a new thread and get rubbished by others, criticizing your actions and your mentality. Every one deserves the right to do what they like, as long as it does not hurt others.

I agree with your post in the sense that advice should be objetctive, non personal and free of judgement. I think it's a good idea for people to pay more attention to the original posters and listen to their problems from both logical and emotional point of view.

Though, as already mentioned this is not a proffesional "pay for" service. People give advice on these forums out of their own free good will and best intent to help people. They are not required to give advice and are not entitled to anything for their support. The members themselves are also human and sometimes also have problems of their own, which may not necesarily have anything to do with original posters, but can none the less affect the member's mood and make them more sensitive to responses of the original poster. So although I agree with your sentiment to the original posters, I also think that you need to pay attention to the perspective of the members here, who are not perfect, don't get anything for their advice, who like original posters are subject to mood changes and have rights to state personal opinion.


Also, I wanted to point out that you said quote "Every one deserves the right to do what they like, as long as it does not hurt others." Since you are of this opinion I would like to ask you the following questions:

1. Doesn't this mean that the members here likewise have a right to do what they like? (I.e. give an honest personal opinion in a form they see most fitting)

2. What if the original poster does hurt others? What then?

[vashti]

Eff you, illusional. If you kick me in the shins, I will throw all your liquor down the toilet and watch you cry like a baby. How is THAT for insensitive?