I need a little support

[Superflik]

Hey guys / girls,

Feeling a little down here, and scared for the most part...

Im scared that i cant get over my old relationship (4 years ago, duration was also 4 years), im scared that i will never love again, im scared that when i find someone, i will not be able to please her the way a lover should be able to...

Basicly, im scared and i dont know if i can beat that feeling....

Guess im looking for something on this forum... some support or some words of courage... life can get rough sometimes, but im sure everyone knows...

[Klasifyd]

I got this from an article on a different website, I hope it helps you as much as it helped me..

Ive spent the last few days at work reading an entire medical libary worth of pshcology books trying to figure heartache out. Please PLEASE read this post, when you get to the end I guarentee you will feel better. I know its long but it will really be worth it in the end.
The science behind heartache is relatively simple; its simply the minds way of dealing with a sudden change in our lives that we have no control over. The mind will do anything to keep us in our "happy reality" which is the state of mind we are in when we are happy. When something happens to threaten this happy reality, such as pressure at work or money problems we become what is known as "stressed". This means there are factors in our lives which threaten out happy reality and which we cannot control (or can control but are unable to see how to) and we become stressed. Now take being dumped: our happy reality is not only threatened it is destroyed. The mind reacts intially with numbness (to protect you from the powerful emotions asociated when the mind first begins to absorb such a threat to your happy reality). Then your mind sets about doing everything it possibly can to keep you in your happy reality, such as making you beg and plead. Then if this doesnt work you may become scared as your mind simply cannot cope with the loss of your happy reality. In some cases your mind will simply become "overcome" with the pressure associated with trying to repair your happy reality (now in tatters) and at this point we enter denial, i.e. tell ourselves that our happy reality was not in anyway related to the relationship we have just lost. Sometimes the mind simply creates a new "pseudo-happy reality" which could be in the form of overly attempting to enjoy single life or (wait for it Thea) a relationship with another person. Overtime, a pseudo-happy-reality will become shadowed by a new happy reality which is being formed unconciously as your concious mind geniunely feels happy in its "pseudo-happy-reality". Overtime this person may become "conflicted" or "confused" about their lives, as the happy and pseudo-happy realities battle to take dominance in your life.
For people who do not develop a "pseudo-happy-reality", after a break up (and it could be even after a FEW MINUTES OF A BREAK UP) your subconcious mind sets to work trying to adapt to its new "view" on life. It slowly starts to build you a new happy reality, but remember this is your subconcious - so you cannot simply sit down and think about what you would like your new happy reality to be, your subconcious will decide for you. This works out for the best in the long run, because your subconcious mind knows you better than you do. In time your mind starts to accept the new happy reality being created subconciously and you start to live a life in which you feel genuinely feel happy with.

[nuevo]

wow, this article is so good!

[Mish]

im scared that i will never love again, im scared that when i find someone, i will not be able to please her the way a lover should be able to...

Basicly, im scared and i dont know if i can beat that feeling....

Well then, you will die never knowing if you can or you can't

You need to ask yourself; What's better, to try and fail or to live in the state of fear of the outcome for the rest of your life?

Try applying your logic to other areas of your life. Have you ever had a bad working experience? Whould you suddenly start to fear that you will never be able to work again because of that?

[Gigabitch]

What steps have to taken to try to rectify your sad state?

[Mish]

What procedures had been put in place to rectify the patheticness?

[bloodtippedrose]

Ive read that it takes the same amount of time to get over a relationship as the duration of the relationship. I dont know if that is true or not..

Anyway you shouldnt waste your time fretting if the next girl you meet will not compare to the last one. A person is going to come along when you least expect it and be so refreshing you wont even remember what you saw in the last girl.

[wise25663]

Ok, so Miss Bloodtip beat me to it. If whomever you are with does not help you forget almost emmediately, you should move on. It's not fair for the one you are with cause you will never love them. Just keep dating til it happens. I wish you luck, you will find the one!

Nate

[lostworld]

I feel the same.... I am not interest in trying to start a new relationship now and i m so scared that i willl never find the one.. plz read my thread and reply too... need some hlep

[Kromat]

I say that everyone should just let it happen, most of our failures happen because we try too hard and not just except that we tried or that we have the confidence to move on after an outcome has been decided. Have confidence in yourself always, and keep all the negative thoughts out of your mind and everything else will come together.