Why, oh, Why? and other questions.

[bak2885]

Now, I know it's probably not just men, but why do you pull out of a realtionship, a great relationship, to "figure things out?" What is there to figure out? I want to be with him, he wants to be with me. Talks about getting married moreso out of the realtionship then during it.
If you pull out of a relationship to figure things out, do you honestly have the intent of figuring things out, and getting back together, or is that just the easier way of saying "see ya later, it's been fun, thanks for the sex?" And if it's because you're really faliing in love, and are scared of it, why leave the person just to decide that you really want to be with the person? Why risk losing that person that you are genuinely in love with because it scares you that you want to be with them, if that is even the reason you need to "figure things out?" How long does it take to figure it out?
How often do you not mean it when you say "I love you" during sex, and are looking the person in the eyes (when you say it)?
Thanks for the insight. It all helps me.
P.S.
Sorry if a subject like this is already posted. I looked around a little before posting.

[Mish]

Now, I know it's probably not just men, but why do you pull out of a realtionship, a great relationship, to "figure things out?" What is there to figure out?

Actually there could be a great deal to figure out. Depending on the person, their place in life, the chemistry in the realtionship, family views and a whole range of other factors.

First, it could mean that the person is simply disenchanted with the state of the relationship. Maybe things haven't been going well for the two of you and things need to be figured out before continuing.

Second, it could mean that person is not fully ready to pursue a life long commitment in a relationship at this point in time and needs to figure out whether it's really worth it (Weight the pros and the cons).

Third, it could mean a whole range of other factors in the equation, relationship between families, beliefs, opposing views, personal views on raising a family, culture (and any classhes), career, age, experience... etc.

There could be a whole range of different reasons.

[DoesntMatter]

I don't know

[nuevo]

I hate when people say that!

It doesn't make sense at all, the only reason someone would have a "real" reason to say it is if you did something wrong and he is "really" angry/confuse...

I mean, is very easy to say it, but very confusing for the person who's hearing it. Don't you wanna say: "why don't you just tell me what's the problem?!"

[bak2885]

AND another question...
Would you tell a girl that you have no doubt of getting back together with her if you didn't really mean it? I mean if you broke up with a chick, and meant it as if you didn't want to be with her anymore, would you still want her to come around and tell her that you still want to marry her and hold her hand and kiss her in front of your friends (that know the two of you are broken up) if you really didn't want to be with her?
I have even told him that I am willing to just not see him, let him come around when he wants (he still has keys to the apartment) so he can have his space, but he told me that he wants me to be around, he wants to see me and really I don't want to not see him, even if the break up is forever I am happy for the extra time that I get with him. He is a good man, so that is why I am asking this forum for their ideas on this, most guys' posts that I have read here seem to be good guys. I trust him when he tells me that we are going to get back together, he has no reason to drag me along. He's not afraid to be alone. I can see love in his eyes, do you think you can fake that look? He tells me all the time that I am his love, and it's him and me forever. I am open for the good and bad coments, but I really just want some support in the way I feel. I KNOW I can and might end up hurt.

[Mish]

If I were you I would definetly give him a time limit to "figure things out", so he doesn't leave you hanging. Maybe you should use this time to figure things out for yourself, if this is something that you definetly want. It's obviously something serious for him and it may be so that your relationship with him may end at this point. I think you should ready yourself for such a posibility.

[Loverman1985]

Well, if you ask me.. He is looking for other possibilities and still holding on to you as a back-up plan. You can fake the look of love in your eyes.. I do it all the time, so I can know. I think he is a bit bored and he wants to see if there is something better out there before he really starts committing to you.

I know it sounds harsh.. But I think I'm right..

[Gigabitch]

RED FLAG

Whatever you do, do NOT marry this guy. It sounds like there may be more than one person inhabiting his body. "Forever" does not fit with "figuring things out".

Make sure you're not pinning your entire future on him. He's unreliable.

[celestialxs]

Wow, am I in a similar situation or what? I feel for ya bak. Me and my guy are breaking up after the holidays so he can "be happy again" and sort out his issues.

It took me awhile to understand where he was coming from because he's still in love with me and believes we have something very special.

The thing is, if you are in a relationship but are unhappy, it's not fair to stay in the relationship. Mish is right. There could be so many factors leading up to your guy needing to "figure things out." You need to give him space to figure things out.

It hurts not to be near the one you love, but maybe you should put some space between the two of you and figure some stuff out for yourself as well. I think it might help with the pain too.

I agree with Giga though about the RED FLAG. He really shouldn't be kissing you and telling you he wants to marry you if you two are broken up. My guy has never said anything like that to me and I think I'd be pretty scared of his mixed up mentality if he were to say something so confusing to me.

You need to take a vacation from his company, sort yourself out, and let him sort his self out.

[celestialxs]

Oh, I'd also like to add that I fully expect to be posting a depressed-as-hell thread after the holidays.

[bak2885]

We got back together last night. It's a big relief for me. I really think that I could marry him. He is good for me. I know many people will think it is a bad idea, happiness though is my priority. He makes me so happy. He is my love. I'm not going to be without him. I think that a weird coincidence is that we broke up 22 days before his b-day, and last night was 22 days before mine (and since we have been together, he has told me about this weird dream he had when he was little about 22, so he doesn't know if 22 is a good sign or bad. He said his dream freaked him out). And another thing, he does say that he has a split personality, one side of him is Will, the other is Rodger (Rodger is the only one that will get tattoos). He is a weirdo, and that is another thing that I am attracted to. I know all that info. will press people to tell me to DEFINITELY get out of the relationship but he left and came back, so he is mine for sure. So, how many people are shaking their heads and praying for me? :~)
I am happy for me.

[CAM]

If its right; its right. You generally know pretty quickly if there's real chemistry. It may take time to get to the final destination, but you already know the basic connection is there...usually, very quickly.

When a guy says, "I love you" just after he's climaxed, then he's likely saying "I love what I just did with you." A real "I love you" is when he's spent 60 minutes cuddling after sex and maybe listening to soft music with you...or maybe when you wake up in his arms.

Good luck