"Cheating" Ex wants me back.....

[dollface82]

hey all

been a while since I've posted.

I was with a guy for about 8 months - I'm 24, he's 34. All of a sudden he started acting a little shady/distant...he was having work problems.

One Saturday morning he told me he was busy with a few things - I happen to see him (no joke) walking on the coast with anohter woman (quite a bit older than me) and her dog. I flipped out and approached - he said there's nothing going on - he had just been made redundant the day before, the girl works in recruitment/human resources and he was asking for advice. Turns out she's married and does work for the company he said in recruitment.

Still, he lied to me, and I still don't believe his story - get the niggling feeling he was cheating?????

He then said he needed a break to sort himself out and was going to Europe - turns out he never went.

So, given the above, all the lies, I told him where to go and we're over.

In the past couple of months I've found out he was in some serious family/criminal trouble - obviously didn't want to tell me.

Just last week he sends a massive bouquet of flowers to my house (I still live at home with my parents) and a hand-written letter saying he loves me, misses me, has so much to explain but doesn't know where to start

I've ignored it - threw out the flowers - but its so hard. I loved this guy, we had spoken about marriage etc, just don't know what to do.

[misombra]

leave this man alone. sounds like he only wants you around when it's convenient for him.

it's highly doubtful that he has changed and that anything would be different.

besides that, he is too old for you. find somebody your own age.

[anachronistic]

Would you sell your soul to the devil?

Kind of what this is like. You'll more than likely never trust this guy again. You'll always have that thought in the back of your mind that he might be cheating on you; your trusting him would require a leash. I hope you get what I mean. For your own good you should stay away from him.

[vashti]

He probably wants to borrow money. Stay away from him.

[TheSphinx]

"Family/criminal trouble" doesn't sound like such a great thing to bring into a relationship. I'm voting "next."

~Sphinx

[Gigabitch]

This guy again.

Just say no. He's bad. You're not. Run away.

[dollface82]

yes, have decided to let it go.

what I find really odd is, if you had cheated/lied etc, why on earth have the face (and waste the effort) in handwriting a letter and sending flowers?

[Gigabitch]

Because you're narcissistic to the point where your own twisted version of history seems real to you, that's why.

He probably sees you as someone the "time just wasn't right" with or some crap like that. I'll bet he doesn't even think he did anything weird at all.

[GrkScorp]

just don't know what to do.

Well.. i'm 23.. and I can tell you this much..

"Love is a wave, Trust is the Ocean"

Without love.. there's still trust.. and that's what friendship is for.. but without trust, there is no love.. I know it all sounds cliche', but there's so much truth to this..

Love for the other person is a combination of alot of factors.. sure, attraction plays a role.. but so does respect.. emotions.. but above all, there's TRUST.. why? because trust creates a sense of comfort and security that is vital in a relationship.. comfort and security knowing that your partner only wants the best for you.. is going to tell you everything.. there are no secrets.. has only your best interest in mind.. and in essense, that is a major part of what love is about.. so without that in the relationship.. where can things possibly go? what sense of comfort & security will you have?

I also don't think that age-gap is healthy.. my grandparents were 12 years apart.. but these days, times are different.. an age-gap that large can mean that perhaps you are only a "toy" in his eyes.. someone her can give minimal love & attention to.. keep in a box.. and then pull out anytime he wants to play..

You're better than that.. you know you are.. so forget him and move on.. you're simply worth more than that.. open up your options, explore the wealth of guys that would actually care enough to hold "trust" as something THAT important.. so if you meet some 23 year old guy from an online forum.. I say go for it! But seriously.. you don't want to be wasting time headed down a dead-end street.. end it.. and find someone who you can have a healthy relationship with.. one where trust isn't violated; where it's respected..

[dollface82]

have decided to just let it go - Xmas & New Years passed which was difficult

[Aidan]

I'm with Gigabitch - run like the wind! There are plenty of good guys out there to focus your attention on.

To add to GrkScorp's comment on the age gap, I'm a man (deep!) into my 30s and I'd have trouble identifying with the average twenty something woman. Of course, you can meet a mature 23 year old woman and you sure can meet an immature thirty something man (hello!), but on the whole, what do the age groups have in common? You have a much different outlook on life in your 30s, being further on in life and career. You generally have grown out of the party stage (yes, it does happen!) and are veering towards a more settled lifestyle (that house in the suburbs starts to look good!).

My gran (who is still alive!) got married to a guy 21 years her senior in 1928, but as GrkScorp said, those were different times! I can't see it working too often nowadays outside of a trophy/sugar daddy type relationship.

[Illusional]

wow, there are a lot of women who only are attracted to dumb men in this world.

raverboy

[cdr121472]

Hello Im New How R U

[BrotherCanada]

his baggage seems to shady to handle, there are many other guys other there much better and simpler than this, i'd move on and not give yourself the chance to get hurt again