Scars affecting my current relationship...

[sticko]

Okay. Here goes... I am 17.

My last relationship was with a girl named Genean. It was about a year ago. Me and her met online and started chatting everyday.

She lived within an hour of me so, while it was long distance sorta, I went and visited her every now and then. Well, as things progressed me and her became very close... She told me that she had fallen in love with me. And I knew I'd fallen in love with her...
We dated for nearly a whole happy year when, one day, she sent me a message. This message basically said that she thought the whole long distance thing was too hard, and that it would have been better if we had just never met... I didn't know what to say... I was in love with this girl and she had tore my heart in half then spit on it... I already had abandonment issues from a biological father who abandoned me at birth as well as several other failed step fathers I clung to over the years but my mom couldn't stay with. I had never let my walls down to anybody like I did to her. Not even my own family... And she went through my open door right into my heart and ripped it to pieces... She said that if I called or messaged her she would never respond... And she never did. I know your probably thinking, "your too young to know what love is" Well to those who think that, you can suck it! Because I know I was in love with this girl. I had never felt the same way with anyone else before. Shortly thereafter I became a hopeless alcoholic... I would get drunk almost every single day, sometimes I would be drunk throughout the length of a week... Until about two months later... I explained to her that I was being sent away to military school. She replied to that message.

We started talking again for the length of about a month before I was sent away... It was my last night on the outside... I had to stay up all night until 4or5 to make the 6hour drive on time, and she stayed up with me on the phone all night. I was really afraid, and she comforted me. During that month we had gotten really close. But when I was sent to military school, I lost all contact with her until I was out. I finally got out. It had been half a year. I continued drinking like a maniac to no end and eventually called her one night while I was drunk and told her how she had really damaged me. She said that she never realized how bad she had hurt me, and that she was sorry. I truly hoped that we were gonna get back together, but that's when I realized that the spark that used to be between us had completely died out... I felt relieved but also sad. I felt as if I had lost someone very close to me... We still talk about once a month or so, just to keep in touch.

The true misfortune of this story is that I am having a load of trouble with my new (gorgeous) GF... We have been dating for 2months now and I really care about her. I do not use the word love anymore because all it does is bring pain... NEways, I called my new(totally virgin GF) up one night while I was drunk and it led to a ton of problems... So I promised to get clean... I've been sober for two months now!
The real problem is that her DAD STEPMOM and MOM don't approve of me. They think I'm a delinquent or something because of my military record... Because of this my GF has been extremely flaky. She almost regularly bails on me at dates and other events where we are to see eachother... I know it is her parents fault, but because of my track record I am constantly panicking that she doesn't like me anymore, or that she is ditching me or something. I get afraid over the smallest of things with her. She lives pretty close to me (about a 7minute drive) but every time she messages me online I fret that she is going to break up with me. She knows nothing of my past and quite frankly doesn't know that much about 'me' in general... I get scared when she doesn't respond the way I want her to to certain comments, and I practically assume the fetal position when she talks about another guy, even her dead best friend... I even got Jealous of her cousin the other day! She was hugging him and stuff and I freaked, but didn't say anything... I am so scared everyday that she is going to dump me... And I don't know what to do... I constantly find myself asking, "do you like me?" If she dumps me, I'm going to be an alcoholic all over again... Please someone help me overcome these serious emotional scars...

[Mathias]

You're 17?

Go get professional help for the alcoholism. Everything else is secondary.

[TheSphinx]

Definitely go with Mathias' advice. If you find yourself saying "If she dumps me, I'm going to..." I think you've become too dependent on the relationship for your own happiness. Work on finding ways to fulfill yourself and take care of the alcoholism first, only then will you have a solid base from which to build a relationship.

~Sphinx

[sticko]

Wow. I don't feel as if I've been helped at all.
I don't need help on how to control my drinking, I need help on overcoming my past issues with my new GF...

[TheSphinx]

You've got to pull yourself together first.

In my experience, the man who encounters a problem and applies himself towards solving the problem will always get along better in a relationship than the man who depends on the woman to solve or "keep him" from it.

If you are cowering every time you think she's going to dump you, she will lose all respect for you as a man and then she really will leave you.

~Sphinx

[Mathias]

Wow. I don't feel as if I've been helped at all.
I don't need help on how to control my drinking, I need help on overcoming my past issues with my new GF...

Yes, you do, you just don't know it.

I come from a family of alcoholics. You need help, and whatever 17 year old relationship you have is secondary.