Seriously, how to approach a stranger girl

[Off2College]

So far I've tried making a comment on a show, ask a completely random question to the girl-who-works at the bookstore, and giving girl looks... The only time when it worked was giving a girl looks and she actually ended up giving me the number, which I subsequently threw out cause I wasn't over my ex.

But that was like a year ago, and nothing has worked every since.

Advice??

[mainload]

You need to practice and experiment a little bit. (Un)fortunately I don't have any lines for you because they tend not to work. It's one of those situations where the important communication is non-verbal - it's not what you say it's how you say it. Good eye contact, a nice smile and appearing confident when speaking would be my advice.

[nuevo]

(Verboten link to dating website)

Read the friggin' rules, nuevo!

[Mathias]

So far I've tried making a comment on a show, ask a completely random question to the girl-who-works at the bookstore, and giving girl looks... The only time when it worked was giving a girl looks and she actually ended up giving me the number, which I subsequently threw out cause I wasn't over my ex.

But that was like a year ago, and nothing has worked every since.

Advice??

Looks are bad if you don't follow up immediately.

If you think a girl might be interested, or you might be interested in her, just go up to her and make conversation. Keep it light, make her laugh, and ask for her phone number.

You're going to fail about 80-90% of the time. It's the 10% that you're looking for.

[CAM]

You just talk to them, huh? I never use that approach. I make myself almost completely inaccessible and most are intimidated by me because I appear totally disinterested.

The emotionally strong ones, the woman that are really interested...they approach me and ask me out.

My approach. Success rate: it was actually pretty good, until around 2003 when I became so completely inaccessible that it would be impossible to even know I exist.

I wouldn't suggest my approach--I wouldn't just go and talk with them either, however. Something in between solicitous and reclusive. Something more natural.

[CAM]

Oh, and the one's that did approach me. Very good looking. Very smart. The good looking ones get tired of guys who hit on them; it is refreshing for them to take the initiative. The smart ones see me as another smarty-pants and so they take the initiative.

Anyway, the key is to make yourself a luxury good--a rare and valuable commodity. Sell yourself as a normal good and you'll be treated as a normal good. That goes for women and men these days.

[Mathias]

Oh, and the one's that did approach me. Very good looking. Very smart. The good looking ones get tired of guys who hit on them; it is refreshing for them to take the initiative. The smart ones see me as another smarty-pants and so they take the initiative.

Anyway, the key is to make yourself a luxury good--a rare and valuable commodity. Sell yourself as a normal good and you'll be treated as a normal good. That goes for women and men these days.

You can do this after you show initial interest. If you don't approach girls, you're not going to get anything.

[CAM]

You can do this after you show initial interest. If you don't approach girls, you're not going to get anything.

Want to bet on it? Allow me to parade before your eyes, the very smart, very attractive women I've dated and slept with over the years....

It happens more than you think. You know, we don't live in the Dark Ages anymore. Being a delicate wallflower-of-a-girl isn't what makes the boys show any interest.

Let's see, I've been pursued by women of the following types: doctors; Ph.D.s in politics, sociology, environmental science; female cops (socially, for outstanding warrants, LOL); lawyers; engineers; financiers; nurses; professional athletes; a stripper paying for college (and, no...I didn't meet her at a men's club), etc. The stripper was the funniest--she approached me with a dozen roses. All smart, attractive and knew they wanted me...so, they made the first move.

[Gigabitch]

FYI- Mathias gets laid these days and CAM doesn't.

[GrkScorp]

nothing has worked every since.

Advice??

i've reached the point that i'm getting very frustrated with men..

O.K. let's see what's NOT going on here.. I'll assume you're a fairly good-looking & smart guy.. so why aren't you getting women?

the better question to ask is.. why would women want you? yeah, that's right.. it's a ballsy question to be asked.. but try to answer it for a second..

please.. stop.. seriously.. here is a breakdown of a man's attraction mechanisms:

- Hip-to-waist ration
- Breasts
- Butt
- Legs
- Skin & Hair quality
- Facial features
- Voice
- Personality

(when these elements are present, there's attraction, period, end of story.. all a woman has to do is turn on one or more of those switches, until something in you clicks)

So, is it the same for a woman? not really.. not at all!

There's good news though; "attraction is NOT a choice".. it just happens.. women have the raw end of the deal, because they're either born with the ability to attract a high quality guy, or not.. but men can actually improve what nature gave them.. why? because of what women's attraction circuitry looks like:

- High Social Value (Status "Social & Financial")
- Dynamic Social Understanding (Socially keen & understanding)
- (Preselection): "Other women already find him attractive"
- (Leader): "Other men respect him and acknowladge him as the leader"
- Ability to "protect" her & make her feel "safe & secure"
- A STRONG man (not physically), but one who is not a push-over
- Looks are also a plus

Obviously, you can see that women have it much harder.. it would be great if they could simply walk around and ask if a male is of high social value, if he's protect her and her children, but then non-alpha-males would simply lie in order to attract those women..

So women are left "testing" and trying to figure out potential partners.. women won't bother testing men who they are not interested in.. but it's not until "testing" is complete that they are attacted to men strongly enough to begin a relationship (keep in mind, testing can go bad, and they may NOT feel attracted to a man as a result of testing; which is why you have to PASS her tests)..

The error most guys make:

1. Seduction: It worked for Casanova, and you see it on TV and in the movies, but this doesn't work in real life.. when you come out strong and express strong interest to a woman.. her mechanisms start triggering and (1. you're making her uncomfortable, 2. you're making her feel like a slut if she says yes, 3. you're displaying needy-ness and showing that you're a low-value male, 4. you're asking her to make up her mind on-the-spot if she's interested in you or not, which in most cases is NO! but not because she wouldn't have been interested, but because you failed to invest the time and effort needed to build attraction)

2. Comfort: I like to call this the "friend-zone problem".. the opposite of overly-aggressive guys, are overly-nice guys who also skip the vital attraction process, and go right for "comfort building".. great.. you have just blown any romantic chance with her if you do this.. because there's no need to risk your friendship (the value from you she's already getting) to start a relationship.. so you're making youself STUCK in this stage if you go about things this way..

3. Attraction with no comfort prior to seduction: It's obviously a given that at one point you're going to have sex.. and that's NOT something you want to go in with at the beginning of the game.. you want to form attraction first, good! but after that's there, you can't skip off to seduction & sex.. you need to establish comfort (non-sexual physical contact "making out, french kissing, foreplay" is sexual.. simple kissing with no tongue is "comfort building".. you need to make this transition; or else she'll feel like a slut, and will have regrets for doing that with someone "she doesn't know that well yet".. TIME is meaningless, comfort is what counts..

Click on my name and read some of my more recent posts to get ideas on what to do.. i'm too lazy to type up the same stuff over and over again..

[GrkScorp]

So far I've tried making a comment on a show, ask a completely random question to the girl-who-works at the bookstore, and giving girl looks... The only time when it worked was giving a girl looks and she actually ended up giving me the number

Ah! I just re-read your post, AND your TITLE!

You are asking about a Venusian Art known as an "opener"..

I'll tell you this much.. it takes a "master" Venusian artist to "open" a set containing only "one" member; when that member is actually the "target"..

This is honestly beyond me; because my weapon of choice is "subtlety", and that flows smoothly in a group setting, (even in a small group of two).. but "opening" is perhaps the hardest part of the game.. (putting initial anxiety problems aside).. it's the hardest part of the game; because you don't want to come off as (Displaying Low Value).. which will be the case if you show "interest, needy-ness, low-social value, etc" all of these kill interest if picked up by the set (which is one girl in this case)..

But you can give it a shot.. i'll give you some material to work with.. and it's up to you to try it and tell me how it works on a solo set..

WARNING: Good-looking women are hit on by men constantly. To fend them off and not waste their time, they have developed a unique (protection mechanism) that i'll call the SHIELD. This shield is constantly up, it's often a combination of (looking busy, being b*tchy, being in a hurry for something, talking to someone on the phone, not paying attention, etc).. This doesn't mean that the woman is like this; but she HAS to have this SHIELD, or else all her time will be wasted, talking to loser-guys she's not interested in just to be polite.. This is important; because the SHIELD is conciously raised and actively used when a woman senses that someone is trying to hit on her!

That being said; this is obviously exactly how you DON'T want to come off.. You not only want to eventually let her put down her SHIELD, but you DO NOT want her to actively raise it! So the key to a good opener is "appearance to have lack of interest".. How can you attain this?

- (Looking "cool" or "tough" will do, but it won't get you anywhere, because that's boring and not interesting; so don't do this)
- Negative body-language (shoulders, chest, and feet should NOT point towards her! your object of focus should be elsewhere; your body should not be displaying an active effort to talk to her.. relax, and be comfortable; lean BACK not foward, sit don't stand, you want your body to convey that SHE is NOT more important than your comfort, that thing you had to do supposedly, or that shiny wrapper on the floor)
- Facial Expression (guys who don't get women, don't smile.. and guys who smile TOO much, get women other guys don't want.. remember, don't put on a "cool/tough" act, but don't come off as GAY or try-hard either! you want to convey, though your smile and energy alone, that you're a fun person and are comfortable with yourself)
- Tone of voice (guys who are interested in women tend to RUSH when speaking as if there's some race against time.. DON'T DO THIS! take your time, pace, and build a rhythm.. why? Public-Speaking-101.. when you speak slower and with pauses, not only are you clearer and easier to understand and listen to.. but you command and control attention; because you give the impression that what you have to say is important, and that you're worth listening to, so you don't have to rush, because you feel that nobody would want to go away anyway)

- The Opener (yup; this is what it all boils down to.. are you comming off as someone who is interested and thinks they're being smart by trying to play games, or are you comming off as someone who's not interested, but just curious to ask something?) All depends on the opener..

Bad: "Hey, my name is ___ blah blah.."
Bad: "Nice (something she's wearing)"
Bad: "Do you know where the (genre) section is?" (this one simply won't work because it doesn't give you enough time or reason to talk)

Good: "Hey, could I ask you a question, I actually have to go in 2 minutes, so i'll try to say it as best I can.. You're a girl, I hope, so you'd probably know more about these things.. but here's the story.. my best friend just moved in with his gf, they've been going out for 3 months.. and she just opened his drawer one day, and found a whole bunch of pictures of him and his ex.. but, it's not like he looks at them or anything.. he just keeps them there, and they're old pictures, not new.. it's just stuff he can't let go of.. out of respect.. but she wasn't ok with that.. she was actually pretty pissed-off.. so she told him that she would move out if he didn't get rid of them and burn them in front of him.. now, he told all of us about it.. but i'm just a guy.. so for me, I just see his point-of-view on things and think she's acting crazy and irrational.. but I want to know, from a girl's point of view, just out of curiosity.. you obviously don't know them, but just given those facts.. would you be pissed-off?"

This is where you start "hooking".. she's going to be feeding you answers.. and the trick is to act curious to ask more questions.. and rocking your body.. looking at your watch as if you have to leave right away.. saying the occassional.. "I actually have to go really soon.. but.. why on earth would you be pissed-off? you know he doesn't talk to her anymore.. she's seeing someone else.. and it's just out of respect.. it's not like he looks at them.."

Notice what you're doing.. (you're establishing a legitimate reason to be talking.. you're making her feel secure and comfortable by pretending you're about to leave in just 2 minutes, really soon.. and you're engaging her emotionally.. getting her to think.. and give you her opinion.. this is a favorite topic for women to talk about by the way "a woman's opinion of things".. because they feel they know.. so they feel they need to share.. so it shouldn't be a problem to keep her talking.. and she'll enjoy it.. because it's her opinion)..

The secret to "hook" her.. is to first open.. and then as you're almost about to ask her for her opinion (say something like: "Do you smell that? I think it's comming from you, are you sure? Strange, anyway..").. why?!?!? because that's NOT something a guy would say to someone he's interested in.. so you just add to her comfort-level.. slowly allowing her to rest her SHIELD.. don't laugh! it's not supposed to be a joke or something confident you say.. you're supposed to pretend it's serious.. as if you mean it..

Then.. when she gives her opinion.. don't be afraid to argue.. question what she's saying.. make her justify it.. if for nothing else.. this just gives you some more time to talk with her.. but also.. allows her to prove her case.. to which you'll say something along the lines of.. "hmm.. interesting.. I never thought about it that way.. I guess you have a point, sort of.. yeah, i'd definitely never be able to see it that way as a guy.. I guess that's perhaps how she feels.." (this will act as a "feel-good" for her.. making her enjoy the conversation a little.. feeling as if she's added.. and not feeling like she's being gamed or hit on by someone interested)

WARNING: If you're going to open.. open when she's not busy, and not about to be interupted.. this will only make you look like an idiot when you have to WAIT until she's done.. only someone "interested" in her would do.. and the alarms will sound.. and her SHIELD will go up..

Now.. at this point.. it's your call on what you want to do.. (if the conversation is going well.. and you can keep it going.. and in fact she starts giving you some signals.. then by all means.. end with a "well, i'm already late, but thanks for all your opinions.. my name's ___; :half-second pause: (this is a proc to see if she'll give you her name) glad to meet you..".. (don't ask for her name.. you don't care! remember?.. if she offers to tell you, that's great.. leave it at that! she works at the book-store! she'll be there some other day)

Now, try it out on book-store-babe and let us know how it goes.. if there's any other situation to which you need a specific-tailored "opener" let me know..

Best of Luck

[nuevo]

(Verboten link to dating website)

Read the friggin' rules, nuevo!

Sorry, I found that web site HERE, some where on love forum!!

I have to say, the guy wrote really good advices on that site, I don't see the friggin point of make it a verboten link.

[CAM]

FYI- Mathias gets laid these days and CAM doesn't.

Cam doesn't get laid these days because Cam doesn't want to get laid. Cam wants to fall in love (again) and to hell with just getting laid. I don't try to bait me with what Mathias does or doesn't do...because I don't care what he/she does.

[misombra]

i hear you cam. it hasn't been in all cases but i have actually pursued guys that i wanted to go out with, and i have made the best choices.

otherwise it's like some guy choosing me. it's not bad, but it's not the same.

[Masterofmind69]

Whatever if you are desperate women will know no matter what. Learn to smile a lot, not fake smiles but real smiles. Think reasons to be happy. Pickup lines are stupid. Learn how to joke around. I remember working with the public I learned how to get people to laugh. I would even just say a few words with a smile and this girl would laugh every time. Most women love a guy with a sense of humor.


Good luck