Abnormal Sexual Preference??

[janedoe911]

I am very confused and about to break it off with my boyfriend. I am having a very hard time accepting one of his sexual preferences and battling internally over whether or not I am overreacting. I am 31 years old and he is 36 years old. We're both very open minded and very sexually active. When we first started dating, he told me he had a thing for girls with braces. He told me it would be really hot if I helped him fulfill one of his sexual desires and wore either braces or a retainer for him. To make a long story short, I figured that checking out older teenagers was the extent of it. I woudl be a fool if I thought that men in their thirties don't notice hot 18 year olds. Anyway, we had been dating about a year when I decided to push a little and find out exactly what the extent of his sexual desires was. We were in a hotel lobby eating the continental breakfast on vacation in November. A large group of junior high girls were eating breakfast as well. We were surrounded by at least four or five girls aged 12 - 14 with braces. It became painfully obvious that he had noticed them as well. He wasn't oggling, in fact, I think he was trying not to look as to protect my feelings. I couldn't help myself. I just had to know if he was looking at girls this young. When I confronted him, he told me "I'm not dead below the waist." I didn't react too well, but dropped it quickly since we were on vacation. Since that day, I can't stop thinking about that comment. It rings in my head like an alarm going off on Monday morning!!! I confronted him today and he reacted very badly saying I was accusing him of being a child molester. He said most guys lust after younger girls, they're just not as honest as he is because of society. I feel like I have a lifetime of pain ahead of me if I decide to just deal with this. I can't imagine having a daughter with this man and having to bring her to the orthodontist. Everything else in our relationship is great. He is a good man in all other areas and I truly believe he would never do anything sexually deviant. He assures me he wouldn't and says it's never even crossed his mind. He says I am making more out of this than it is. He says he doesn't prefer young girls with braces, but definitely notices them. Am I a fool to work through this with an open mind or should I cut my losses and run now? I know this isn't normal, but how abnomral is this? I really need some brutally honest feedback on this.

[anachronistic]

Yeah, I'd agree with you that it's weird. But if you truly believe that he'd never act out on those feelings, what are you worried for? Get over it!

[vashti]

That would totally creep me out, too. The fact that he said he isn't dead below the waist indicates he finds young girls in braces sexually appealing, and he is brazen about rather than ashamed. He may never act on it, but then again, he might. I wouldn't dream of taking a chance that he may one day act out on this attraction. You will forever have to be watching out for your daughters, their friends, neighborhood kids, and the babysitters. Yuck. This would be a deal breaker for me, but I am particularly sensitive to pedophilia..

[anachronistic]

In my opinion, you shouldn't take a chance. I'm sure you can find someone just as good that doesn't have issues with pedophilia.

[GrkScorp]

First of all, don't rush to overlook one vital fact.. his fetish (if you can still call it that) is with braces.. the CAUSE for that could be ANYTHING.. it could be a girl who he first stood a chance with in early childhood, it could be a girl he desired later in his childhood life, usually fetish-patterns are caused by recollections to individual people or events, NOT a large class or category (with some exceptions)..

If he is truly a pedofile, he would have a buckled-shoe fetish, a pleated skirt fetish, a pigtail fetish, lolipop fetish, and the obvious school-girl attire fetish (also caused by too much exposure to japanese culture)

I can definitely tell you this.. It's one of those out of the ordinary fetishes.. I first thought your post was a joke.. but I remembered some of the things my brother has told me, and then I re-read it and took it seriously..

Also, consider this.. He told you about this serious fetish of his.. that takes a HUGE degree of comfort and trust, and he's also considerate (his tactful self-control and reaction w/ the girls).. So I could imagine a situation where the object of his sexual desire is still YOU, but the "braces" act as a bonus stimulus that adds the emotions he felt for something/someone back in his childhood past (he probably doesn't even know who or what.. it's not even a clear thought/memory at this point, all that's left is a faint/blur of an emotion..).. In addition if he fessed up to "braces", fessing up to "younger women/girls" falls in a much LOWER threashold.. so if anything, he would actually express THAT fetish to you first! But he didn't, so his "braces" fetish is the only one that's in place.. And that fits into his story of feeling some form of attraction towards these girls from the waist and up..

In other words.. what he's trying to express, "which he doesn't even know how to formalize it and express it clearly himself" is.. (I don't feel sexual attraction for these girls because of anything about them related to age or them being school girls or catholic, etc... BUT! they are wearing braces, which brings up those emotions from childhood or whatever.. and when those emotions are stirred up, they create a strong feeling of romantic attraction.. like a "crush").. hence, "I was only attracted from the waist and up".. think about it.. think about the deeper subconcious meaning of it!

The right way to handle this.. is simply talk to him and tell him.. you have no problem entertaining his sexual request.. after all, he'd do whatever he could to make you happy, and you want to be able to do the same and show that same level of devotion to satisfying eachother sexually.. BUT! lately, and in lieu of recent events, you're feeling very strange, uncomfortable, and worried about the "possibility" of what his fetish can imply.. so, just to rest and relax your mind so you're not worried.. AND so you can feel comfortable entertaining his sexual request in the future, you'd like to go "together" and start speaking to a psychologist "together" about everything that's been going on.. because you just want some comfort knowing that it's not something you should be worried about.. for the (2) reasons I told you about..

It's a simple and reasonable request.. and you shouldn't put drama into it.. no yelling, don't make him feel like you're attacking him.. you're NOT.. not at all.. after all, this is EXACTLY what you want to do.. you want to make sure it's nothing serious.. and that's a great first step in feeling like the two of you are working together to make sure it's nothing to worry about.. AND so that you can BOTH feel comfortable engaging in this fetish in the future..

Best of Luck

[IndiReloaded]

First of all: we are not responsible for our thoughts, only acts of will.

Lots more ppl (most I would say) have various fetishes than they will ever admit to. That includes themsevles.

Second, lots of 12-14 year olds are rather uh, developed, these days. Don't know if its the hormones in the milk or a high protein diet, but there it is. As for 18 year olds, well, I doubt there's a healthy man that wouldn't look. I mean, have you seen the porn sites that are out there?

I shouldn't wouldn't worry unless his behaviour becomes more than talk. He seemed otherwise discreet about it. He might have even been joking with you a bit. How long have you known him for?

And since you're new, for context, you should know I'm a (mostly) mature, married woman a bit older than your SO.

[BrotherCanada]

it is weird but if you trust him enough and truly beleive that he wouldn't harm any younger girls then there should be nothing to worry about, i think everyone has skeleton's in their closet, you saw his now it is awkward but everyone has weird things about them. Take it as it is and keep an eye out, but otherwise just enjoy life with him, we don't get long to live

[Junket]

So why not try his little fetish out in the bedroom, rather than leaving him temptation outside of it?

EDIT: Look at it this way, think of all the couples that get into the whole "highschool" fetish. Women who dress up like cheerleaders, or don the pigtails, wear a short skirt and suck on a lollipop. I'll probably always have a Catholic school girl fetish. Ever see the short skirts they wear?? Anyway, I'm not too worried about your husband, but if you continue to chastise him for a little bedroom fantasy, your relationship will deteriorate quickly.

[BFTrick]

stick with him. Totally normal.

[Gigabitch]

I suspect it's a lot more common than it seems for men to be turned on by pubescent girls. I can't imagine, though, what the hell he was thinking, sharing this with you. For God's sake, didn't he think about how that would sound? Does he regularly suffer from Compulsive Sharing Disease?

I think you ought to take this up with a professional. If I were faced with this dilemma, I'd want some solid advice from a sex expert, maybe someone who does counseling for sex disorders.

This is too important to entrust to a forum full of random people, and I'm pretty sure nothing we say is going to set your mind at ease.

[DoesntMatter]

I think that's pretty gross and actually have to disagree with Giga, I don't think it's very common. Maybe he has some psychological problems?

[vashti]

I liked Giga's idea that they see a sex expert to determine exactly how "normal" this is. Personally, I find it as revolting as I would if I found out my B/F liked to wear women's underwear.

[Gigabitch]

I would rather see my boyfriend in a hot pink thong every day than catch him checking out the eighth-graders. God, can you imagine?

I think some things should just be kept to yourself, right?

[vashti]

Yeah, I am disturbed by his candor. I guess he doesn't think it is unusual to be checking out children, and that is weird.

[Gigabitch]

She should get him a shock collar.