I hate being lonely. Here's my story.

[afterhourz]

For the record, I believe everyone in this world deserves companionship, in one way or another. I never had a relationship yet, the furthest I got was really knowing a girl well for 2 weeks, then I asked her out when i found out she was "interested" in me.. and she rejected me.

I think I have a serious problem on getting girls interested in me, everything I do never seems to work.

As for my story...

Hmm.... where to begin. Well I guess I better tell you a little about my teenage years before I tell you my current "situation" on life... I was an overweight slob for my entire teenage life, until now. From 5th grade to graduation, my entire sociality was poised simply by the way I looked.

I had a few aquaintances growing up, nothing out of the ordinary. All guy friends of course, and now that I look back, the only reason we were part-time friends, was because we all hated school, and bitched about homework and teachers every day, which in turn brought all of us together to form a friendship. I guess something good came out of school after all.

So, I was overweight for 8 long years of my life, and unfortunately for me, it was the most crucial time of my life as far as social development is concerned, my teen years.

I hated myself. I still hate things about myself. But instead of cry to myself, or other people, or bitch/complain and act like all hope was lost, I did something about it. We can change people, physically and emotionally, we just have to want to change, it's mind over matter, and our attitudes. This is a big problem in todays world that I will talk about later.

So i'm 18 now, and after all those talks with your friends as we grew up in our teen years of "getting a hot chick" and "getting laid", well... it's all happened to mostly everyone that I know now. As for me... well i'm the exact opposite, a paradox if you will, of everyone and everything around me that I know. I have yet to even experience the simple bliss and simplicity of holding a partners hand, or a first kiss, or anything "first" for that matter in terms of a relationship.

I can accept this however, because as mentioned earlier, I was fat for my teenage life. I hated it, I hated myself, and the past 3 years have been torture, but after the war with myself, I have finally won. I lost about 45 lbs of fat. I did this by going to the gym every single day, because there is no easy way out of losing weight. We need to stop being lazy if we want to lose weight.

I was fat for my teenage life, and therefore didn't get any intimate relationship. I was fat for my teenage life, and therefore didn't deserve a relationship is better.

I stick to my principles and my standards, and unfortunately I am beginning to think that living by my principles, which basically means being yourself, and not being fake, means that I will be a lonely human being, probably for the rest of my life. Are some people just destined to be a virgin-a lonely person, for the rest of their lives, no matter how hard they try?

It's selfish to ask for a hot girl to have sex with and lose my virginity, it's very selfish. Im not saying one night stands are selfish, since it's mutual, but just the general thinking of "wow this girl is so damn hot.. i would do ANYTHING to have one night with her..".

However, we must all remember that every single guy thinks like this, it's that one half of our brain that we can't control sometimes.

So... 18 long years of my life has passed, and I have been lonely up until this very day. I have made a small group of very good, true friends that I will have forever, and I cherish them a lot.

I told a girl recently about my feelings for her, this was the first time I have ever done this to a girl. I had strong feelings for her, and wanted to be more than a friend to her. I found out that she had feelings for me to... but(Ah yes... that one conjunction word that plagues my very existance... "They like you... BUT") she just wanted to remain friends.

That's the best I could do folks. I dont look bad, in fact, most people say I look pretty good, im funny, love making people laugh, and am very good at it too. I have principles and standards, i'm not a fake guy. I like strawberry ice-cream. And the best I could do was... "BUT.... let's just be friends". Yay. Another friend to add to my arsenal.


So I ask myself the same question a lot lately.. "Am I really that bad? Will things get better?" I leave for Chico University in exactly 8 months... and I am starting to think that I will leave Hawaii with no experience at all in terms of girls and relationships, which will **** me over in college. Girls like older guys and guys with experience after all, right?

Am I doing something wrong? Did I divide by zero? Will things get better? I'm not shy, I'm not fake. Im starting to believe that this world is so ****ed up now days that fake is beginning to be the reality, and i'm starting to be fake. I cant be the only one who thinks like this.

I cant find anyone who is in the "same boat" as me, that is, a very lonely person like me who has absolutely no experience in relationships or the opposite sex, no one that I know is in the same boat as I am, male or female. And yet for some reason, they always come to me for relationship "advice". I dont want to be a cuddle bitch.

So... onto the question:

If you were me, described by everything that I just wrote here, what would you do? How would you start? What advice can you give me? Id like real advice please, dont try to "say it in a nice way", be real, not fake.

~~Appendix~~
-Im an 18 year old straight male
-Im lonely

Let the responses begin.

[dsadsa]

stfu dawg
you trippin WAY TOO HARD
there are a lot of guys that don't lose their virginity untill they're 19 or 20.
age 18 is nothing you have to worry about. it's a perfectly fine age to be a virgin, matter face, a better age, because you are much more aware of yourself and your much more mature.
The only true advice i can give you here is DO NOT **** A GIRL FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND if you are a virgin.
i mean you can go out and have fun BUT SERIOUSLY DON"T REGRET YOUR FIRST
all my friends including I regret my first.
the first, honestly even to a man, should be someting special.
i'm telling you brother if your not hideous, weight three hundred pounds, or anti social you have a very high percentage of finding that girl taht is right for you.
as a virgin i know you want to **** a girl because you feel unwanted or lonely or like there's something wrong with you, and this gets you to want to rush in losing your virginity. THAT IS THE WRONG ANSWER wait and ask your non virgin friends what they thought about their first, then listen and learn.
as for your other question about being fake i'm not entirely sure what you were talking about but i know one thing about being fake is that sometimes it is necessary. for example you don't tell an ugly kid he's ugly or you don't smile when someone is crying. I personally do not think there is such a thing as being fake i believe that we as humans do not truely know ourselves a hundred percent and maybe what you consider being fake is someone trying to figure himself out and changing his personality. There are lots of times when i'm with my friends from a certain city and i act a certain way when i'm with them and then i can go to another city to meet a another group of friends and act very different, maybe not completely but i do change to fit myself into a different group and i don't think i'm being fake at all i think i'm just adjusting myself to the people.

[bohemiandonut]

[url]http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cas/541784872.html[/url]

[afterhourz]

Nice to see that both of you didnt read my post :/

[TheSphinx]

I have a feeling that living your high school years as a platonic fat guy and then suddenly having to re-frame your "role" in the world as a fit guy has caused some confusion/frustration.

You are probably used to being the comical, friendly guy, but now, attempting to expand into a sexual element, are having a tough time getting women to see you in such a manner.

You will get there, however. Your college years are going to provide you with an opportunity to forge your new identity and a confidence in that identity (which women find attractive, more often than not).

Continue to improve yourself and get out and meet people. The bigger your social circle, the more people you will meet, and thus the increased likelihood that you will meet some great women.

If you're slightly hesitant to go all out socially, find some guys who are good with women and befriend them. As long as you pay attention, I guarantee you will learn a lot just from being around them.

~Sphinx

[Gigabitch]

It's selfish to ask for a hot girl to have sex with and lose my virginity, it's very selfish. Im not saying one night stands are selfish, since it's mutual, but just the general thinking of "wow this girl is so damn hot.. i would do ANYTHING to have one night with her..".

So what if it IS selfish- is that so wrong? As long as you're honest, how is this such a bad thing? It's pretty typical for 18-year-old girls to make shallow decisions too, you know.

I think things will be easier for you when you get out of the same old place surrounded by the same old people who knew you as a fat kid. Eight months will fly by.

[thefallenheart]

or, and here is a novel idea that Gigabitch seems not to have noticed, you can stay a good person and not compromise your morels for a few moments of sensuel pleasure.

just because the rest of the world is shallow, fickle and heartless does not mean that you have to stoop down to their level. some day you may find someone who will love you as much as you love them and you will still be able to know that you love them because you, being one of the few morely sound people in this decadent, empty society, will actuely know that you love tham and not be clouded by hesitancy or fear of the relationship turning sour.

because if you have to compromise your sense of right and wrong for a person then that person is not worth it.

[Only-virgins]

WTF?! 18?! I thought this guy was down on himself cause he is like 20+ something .....I didn't touch a girl till I was 21 and I consider myself one hot sexy stud muffin. By the way, not everything is "mind over matter" If you are ugly than sorry but you are stuck being ugly....unless it is minor details you can edit with makeup or some new hairstyle. No matter how hard you try and make your mind believe that a spoon is a fork...the fork will still be a fork. Being a teenager is not the most important time of your life and it sure as hell isn't some kind of a social standard to live by and learn in. It isn't the environment that breaths of social knowledge. You learn more from your mistakes in life than from the things you do well...and that is ANYTIME in your life. Personally, I just think you care to much. The more you care the worse it is going to get and the more you will think about it...which only will make it worse once again.

I do respect the fact that you lost all that weight. I also tell fat asses that the only way to drop the weight isn't to stop eating or eat a bunch of unhealthy flakes and granola bars...but rather to get their fat ass to the gym.

[Off2College]

dude. I was a nerd from grade 5-11, grade 12 was a bit better, but I was still basically lonely. But it was OK, because you really develop a sense of individuality, which can only come from being used to loneliness. I had never been on a date up till college!, and finally got a girlfriend for a single day in freshman year of college. No one night stand. And now I'm a sophomore in college, and I'm still spending the most of my time alone, studying. Because you know what, there are far more worthwhile things in life to experience, to learn (especially as a student), than trying to fit in. You will find the right girl, trust me. All my friends in high school were nerds, but the nerdhood eventually paid off both in terms of universities and as a having a sense of individuality. And we're all very certain we will all be laid one day, just a matter of time, that's all.

[Gigabitch]

OV makes a good point. The teenage years actually don't mean much. They fade into nothing as time passes. You just don't have the perspective to see it yet.