Comments please!! Define this

[RobertPatrick99]

ok.. heres the situation.. for 2 and a half years me and this girl have carried the label of best friends, but aside from actually calling the other our gf or bf and saying i love you it was just like we were dating.
heres how it all started. after meeting, i told her that i would like to hang out with here and see what happens but that i didnt want a gf right now because i had just recently got my heart ripped out by a manipulative, controlling girl that i was engaged to who cheated on me. i told her that she was such a misory in my life that i didnt feel right getting into another relationship for a while.

but she has always wanted more, although she didnt really tell me straight out, just kinda hinted around from time to time.. but anyways we just hung out every day, cuddeling, kissing, having sex, etc.we just agreed to not sleep with anyone else..this went on for 2 and a half years, and then i moved out of town after graduating college.. we still talked on the phone and seen eachother from time to time, but not as much..we still swore to not change anything, and we still made efforts to see eachtoher at least every week or two, and still talked on the phone every day.
then i find out (catching her) sleeping with someone else, which has been going on for for a couple months.She said that he had been up to her apartment before i moved out but nothing ever happened until after i moved out.

i finally told her how i feel about her after all this she said that she never knew i loved her and if she would have she woulda never done it.. she said that she was just doing it because he made her feel wanted, etc. and she was doing it to distance herself from me because it hurt her that she didnt think i cared for her more than friends..which i never did admit that i did until after all this happened.

but anyways i was just wondering if i should half way excuse this behavior and try to work thru this.. she said she has never wanted anyone but me but after 2 years she had given up. she said that the relationship they had was totally sexual, but she for some reason never told that guy that me and her slept together or were anything other than friends. i am just really hurt and upset that she broke our promise and lied and decieved me, because i used to always ask her if she wanted a bf or anything and she always said no.. is this a justification for her behavior, because i never let her know how i felt?? anyways just wondering.. thank you for your input..
Is this considered cheating even though we didnt have a exclusive, official, committed relationship? does the promise not to sleep with anyone else and the lies make it cheating anyway?

Please answer i need some advice and input because this situation is so messed up and unique. Thanks all!

[Desinate]

Daaaym..
I think i would excuse her.. But im not really sure, my opinion here isnt very valid

[misombra]

if she can't hold you down, you can't hold her down either.

did you just expect her to be your sex friend for the rest of her life?

this happened to me one time. this guy i was seeing kept telling me he didn't want a relationship, nothing serious, blah blah blah. well something suddenly changed when i found another boy to hang out with. all of a sudden he was making me feel like i was cheating on him!

um, no.

anyway, it sounds like she wanted something with you. if you want to work it out now, then it sure looks like it can.

either way she certainly didn't do anything wrong. your unwillingness to be proactive is what went wrong.

[Ellynn]

If your not exclusive with someone, then you can't expect them to hang around forever.

Personally I have run into guys who didn't want to commit, but yet wanted sex and all the other stuff that comes along with a relationship. For most woman, that is not appealing. A lot of of want some type of commitment.

So, she moved on. Maybe it's best you let her. She deserves what she is looking for.

[Gigabitch]

This situation is not as unique as you think. I've also experienced this. I was involved with a guy who seemed to be missing the whole emotional part of himself. It just wasn't there. It was fun, we were exclusive, we went on vacation together, but it was very clearly a "just for now" kind of thing.

Six months after we parted ways (amicably), he showed up where I was living and just assumed we would get right back to it He could not get it through his head that I was done with him and wanted to be with someone who loved me. He said, "Well, of course I love you."

News to me. Things would have been very, very different if he'd said that before, but I, like your girl, gave up on him and moved on.

How dare you talk about "excusing" her behavior? You slept with her and never gave her any reason to look to you for emotional fulfillment, then you left her. Yes, you did. What did you expect?

[RobertPatrick99]

More Ppl Respond Plese!! Thx