I Feel crushed, cant seem to respect the no contact rule

[Carla]

Hi, I'm 24 and I was in a 5 year relationship witha 38 yaer old guy and we were engaged.
The last six months he was under alot of pressure because of his work and was very distant with me. He had a nasty childhood and is scared of having a family that might resemble his own I guess. He's never been married and considering his age I would have thought he could overcome his fears and settle down. Anyhow, he said he needed to be alone but still loved me. He insisted that he needed to be alone and wanted to live day by day and not make plans for the future . Besides he could see no future with me though he still loved me. He that I should go on with my life and forget him and that if ever he felt that he missed me and was ready he would call me up...but that this would take time and he wasn't even sure he ever would call. And if he did and it was too late then tough luck for him and he would accept that. I know him, he hates confronting problems and he deliberately ran away from our relationship convincing himself it wouldn't work out because he was scared, so he won't come back even if he felt like it.

I feel crushed and abandonned and I can't stop crying. I knw I must respect the no contact rule but it is so hard...I feel like there was no reason to break this off and we should still be together. I want him back, I want to show him how we are stronger together ... someone please help me move on, I feel stuck.

[squirrley]

Sweetie ask yourself WHY would you want to invest more time in this relationship when HE admits he doesnt want a future with you? And no children? Your'e 24 and have so many things to experience in life.

His age is irrelevant to his problems from his past-some people do get over it and past it while others just never do. HE obvioulsy is one that wont.

Gosh he tells you things point blank straight up-give him credit for it. But YOU should want to bail on him for YOURSELF! This guy sounds like he has a lot of issues to deal with in his own lifeand is VERY unhappy. HE probably understands that and is aware he is unable to give you what you need and deserve.

In that-sweetie you HAVE to respect his decision and move on, as hard as that isand you think your love is strong enough to get through it hes NOT coming around any time soon. Take his words and forget about it him. If he felt he could work things through WITH you-he wouldnt have said what he has to you.

I know it hurts like hell-and you think he'll get past it-but at 38 and he hasnt yet-he probably never will.

take the time to heal and move on-someone is out there that will love you and give you what you need and deserve. You may not see it now-but in time you'll know he was right.

Goodluck!

[bluesummer]

Yes, I agree. I was also in a 5 year relationship many moons ago and my ex flat out told me near the end he had no intention of getting married - to anyone, ever. It hurt like hell, and it sucked to leave him, but I had to face the reality that I was young and had many years ahead.....and that if he couldn't give me what I wanted, I shouldn't be wasting MY precious time.

No relationship is easy to break off. It is going to hurt for some time, but time is the best healer, honestly. Every time I thought I was seriously going to die of heartache, something better came along. So just think of it that way......this relationship had to end, because something better is waiting for you. And don't break the no-contact rule. Seeing him will just hurt you more, and cloud your rational thinking. The heart has a way of overpowering the brain at times.

Good luck.

[IceQueen]

Whatever you do, don't keep tabs. Don't try to find out from your mutual acquaintances how he is. If need be, CHANGE your social circle alltogether to not include people who know him.

How long has it been? Don't expect it to blow over at once, but eventually. Just keep at it, and eventually it'll go away. (wanted to tell you to check out my journal, 'cause I got lots of getting-over-him tips, but I don't seem to find my journal anymore! )

[rose36]

I can understand how much you hurt but if you contact him you will only push him further away and you will loose your self-respect. This will only drag out your pain and misery. He has stated his position loud and clear there is absolutely zero reason to think that will change. The best thing you can do now is to let go and do your grieving with NO contact whatsoever. You will recover from this and you will love again. You will be just fine.

[Gigabitch]

Well, she's 29 now, so she's probably over it.

[Yacker]

LOL, time flies people. Life is short, don't get hung up on the stupid stuff.

[Vilenanova]

Based on what you said, it looks like you didn't give the guy enough space! The next time you enter a relationship, think about that..

[turbo240]

I can understand how much you hurt but if you contact him you will only push him further away and you will loose your self-respect. This will only drag out your pain and misery. He has stated his position loud and clear there is absolutely zero reason to think that will change. The best thing you can do now is to let go and do your grieving with NO contact whatsoever. You will recover from this and you will love again. You will be just fine.

this is so true^^^^^^^^^^ as i have been doing this **it.every time i see her it get all sh**ty inside after for about a day.it is self torture and is your worst enemy.i am now trying to do no contact and it is so hard.gl girl!

[Millymalla]

Dont give up

[survivor08]

LOL! 4 years is still too soon to get over a person....JK.. old thread revival oops

[Illusional]

I feel crushed and abandonned and I can't stop crying. I knw I must respect the no contact rule but it is so hard...I feel like there was no reason to break this off and we should still be together. I want him back, I want to show him how we are stronger together ... someone please help me move on, I feel stuck.

i'll be honest, this is the only part of this entire thread that i read. however... so what you're saying is that you want to respect him, but you don't want to respect his wishes to not see you anymore? kinda possessive if you ask me.

however, if you feel that you can't live without him, then i feel sorry for you. why is it that you feel that you can't live alone?

raverboy

[vashti]

i'll be honest, this is the only part of this entire thread that i read.

Next time, you might try to include reading the date of the original post.

[Tug]

Correct me if I'm wrong but it appears this thread was started 5 years ago.