Long Distance Relationships

[clampdown]

Hello all!

I'd like us to discuss about long distance relationships.

What do you think it needs to work? Have you got any experiences to share? Have your relationships with a distance worked well or was it a disaster? Did you have any problems with trust or honesty?

If you haven't ever been in one, could you imagine to date someone who's not living that close to you or do you think it's impossible? Would you consider moving for someone who's living far away?

Share your story, no matter did it end well or was it this century's greatest lovestory!

Let's talk (:

[clampdown]

Well, this is my story.

I met such a great guy in the internet about 1,5 years ago. He was the same age as I and we got along so well. There was something special between us. First we just chatted in msn and started to getting know eatch others. Soon it was all about the crush. I couldn't think anything else but him. Yes, such a typical crush. I thought it was temporary but as time passed by, I realized there was something more. He felt the same way for me, or so he said. We talked every day in msn for so many hours, you couldn't calculate them with even two hands...

After a couple of weeks we changed phone numbers and sent txt messages. And after that we actually talked on the phone. The bond between us got stronger every day.. But in some phases it still felt like momentary thing, something I'd forget in few days or weeks. Soon he wanted to meet me. It had been a bit longer than two months before we met. He travelled 400 km to see me for just one day (for some reasons we couldn't meet longer then).

The expectations were absolutely filled.... What can I say. We've seen each others every two weeks in the weekends since then. On holidays we see longer times. 400 km is not that long, someone have even longer distances, their love may be in other country or so on... In those cases there just has to be a possibility for the other part of the relationship to move with the other one to make it work. That's a huge life change.

The distance between me and my boyfriend is still bearable. Considering that he is in a boarding school, which makes the relationship even harder. We can't talk when we want to, or see each other when we'd like to. Nerves are getting tight at some points but we just have to stay strong. We've been together for 14 months now. And I love it. My reason for happiness is such a coincidence I can't believe it myself...

[Gigabitch]

Well, I can't calculate on my fingers how many threads there are about LDRs on this site. I suggest you look them up.

[clampdown]

Gigabitch, I've already done that. Most of the threads were pretty old and I'd like to hear some opinions from you nowadays and there must be some new members too, who could share their experiences here.

[Ellynn]

I am currently in a LDR also. My bf lives 3 hrs away and I see him once a month(mainly because I am in school.) We have been dating for almost 2 months now. We dated previously(he lived here) almost 4 yrs ago but kept in contact all of this time. When I saw him again after not seeing him for 3 yrs, we hit it off. Anyways, he asked me to be "exclusive" with him so we are. It gets lonely at times and sometimes we don't talk for a week. But we talk when we can and make plans to see each other(next time being easter weekend).

For now it works for me seeing as I'm super busy. So its just like we are having fun and its nice to get away and have someone to spend time with. As for anything serious long term.....it's too soon to tell. For now, I'm just having fun and going with the flow.

[clampdown]

Ellynn, how long you dated when he still lived where you live? Nice that it's going fine with you too. So your Bf is okay with your being busy, he must be understanding (: Good to have same expectations from the relationship before getting into it.

[bluesummer]

I dated one of my bf's for a year long distance. We were together a year before that. Our distance was pretty substantial....about a 12 hr drive, or a one hour flight. I only saw him a couple times a year. We talked on the phone pretty much every single night for the whole year.

It didn't work out too well for us, even though I ended up moving back and staying with him for another three years. I got lonely and started dating someone else there. We made up and got back together, but then he started getting distant. I told him I wanted to move back to be with him and he wasn't terribly enthusiastic, which I didn't see at the time (I was 19, and silly). So I moved back, and we spent three more pretty miserable years together. Turns out he never really forgave me for dating the other guy. Some days I wish I'd never wasted my time moving back, I had lots of options in the new city too. Could've played the field.

I don't recommend LDR's, but that is also based on my personal experience.

[Gigabitch]

I think the older you are, the better chance you have.

[bluesummer]

Yeah likely. You at least have the money to spend travelling to visit the other person. You are also smart enough not to bother wasting your time in an LDR unless you know it's really really worth it, screw the sentimental shite.

[Ellynn]

Ellynn, how long you dated when he still lived where you live? Nice that it's going fine with you too. So your Bf is okay with your being busy, he must be understanding (: Good to have same expectations from the relationship before getting into it.

When he lived here, we didn't date all that long(maybe a month). Things were kinda hectic for me in my personal life with family issues and it was likewise with him. But, what surprised me was that after about 6 months, he contacted me on myspace and wanted to keep in touch. (That was almost 3 yrs ago.) I dated some other guys but there was nothing serious in the meantime. He dated briefly also, but nothing serious either. So, we became friends. He kept wanting to come see me after he moved but things in my life were even more hectic(I had a sick mother to take care of and started up school again etc.) So, we just kept in touch. Well, after a semester from hell, I decided to go and visit him one weekend in Jan. Thats how it all started up again.....and we took things to another level. He is the one who suggested we start a relationship and wanted to give it a try. I, on the other hand, am so used to being single, that I didn't really care either way. So, we are giving it a shot. So far things are good. We saw each other the weekend before Valentines day. I actually (gasp) cooked for him. He loved it! Also, we went out to dinner the night before. Not to mention tons of sex....which is great..for someone who was going through a dry spell of almost (gasp) 3 yrs.

Like I said before, I don't know where its going.....nor do I really want to make any big plans. We talked about things and we both admit that we just like being together. For now, thats all I want and need. Maybe it could turn into something more...or maybe its just something for now.

I have heard of LDR success stories. In fact, I know of a couple who dated a few yrs living 6 hrs apart. Now they are getting married. So, it does happen. But honestly, Im not too worried about settling down right now. For the first time in my life, I am alone. I don't have family left anymore.....and I am trying to find myself and am just a few months away from graduating college. From there, the rest is a blank slate...... At the end of the day, its just nice to have someone to talk to if I want to.

[IndiReloaded]

Eventually, LDRs have to transition to SDRs. They are more likely to be a success if there is a prior history before the distance & if the time apart is finite & known. Helps.

They also work well for those who are commitment phobes or are in 'placeholder' relationships & don't want to make a commitment to their LDR partner.

[Ellynn]

I just wanted to add that we also discussed exclusivity. Like as in, we consider ourselves in a monagomous relationship. We also did discuss that if either of us meets someone else, that we would be up front about it and then decide what to do.

Ideally things will work out. But I'm trying to be as realistic as possible. Sometimes things change. Both of us are introverted people so its nice to have each other along with the emotional and physical attraction.

[clampdown]

How about the money? Way pay the trips half and half with my Bf. When it sometimes gets tuff in the relationship you might think are you just wasting your money.. But in the end you think it's really worth it.

My friend's friend is in a LDR and she has saved every single train ticket with her boyfriend! They've dated like that for three years (distance 600 km) and believe me, there's been heaped a nice bundle of tickets.. (:

[Ellynn]

I'm glad it only costs me 30 bucks in gas for a round trip by car. Once a month, I can swing that.

[Junket]

My LDR wouldn't have lasted much longer than it did. We lasted for a year and a half of extreme long distance.