Comments About Other Women

[Gigabitch]

Are there any females out there who aren't bothered by some of the comments made by their SO about other women?

Let me 'splain: I'm not talking about the "I've always thought Natalie Portman was really pretty" or "I've had a crush on Heidi Klum since I was a kid" kind of comments.

I'm talking about specific comments about legs, boobs or ass, as in "She's a good actress and has a great pair of legs" or like "Scarlett Johannsen doesn't need talent- not with that rack".

Yes, I know that boys will be boys and men are visual creatures, etc. I understand this.

I just want to know if there are any women out there that don't find themselves annoyed when their SO says something like this, or even when guy friends make comments like that.

This seems like Boyfriend 101 to me.

[vashti]

Those kinds of specifics seem like they should be restricted to the type of conversation a guy might have with their male buddies. It strikes me as kind of adolescent, really.

[Gigabitch]

So would you say your husband would know better than to say something like that in front of you?

[vashti]

I honestly don't think it would ever occur to him to do something like that. He never has - not even once. Honestly, although I am sure he notices when women are attractive, he doesn't seem to actively lust after them. He really only seems to have eyes for me. It's not that I am so spectacular. It's just that he is a one-woman kind of guy. I think I picked this type on purpose after having a boyfriend of the other type.

[GrkScorp]

So would you say your husband would know better than to say something like that in front of you?

Giga, if you happen to know some guy.. who is lacking the sensitivity and understanding for how he makes you feel.. and goes off on tangents of "OMG boobs! OMG butt! OMG legs!".. there are both things you can do and say to stop this..

Do:

- When guys go into that kind of trance.. they're looking for opinion support.. They think "Those are some hot ___".. they have just formed an opinion, and are looking to support that opinion with someone else's acceptance of that opinion.. "Don't you think?.. Common man.. Right?".. he doesn't even have to excplicitly request it.. it's implicity from the moment he looks at you or is saying it directly to you.. He's looking for your validation that this girl is "hot" in some way.. (this type of lack of self-control, I feel, is emotionally abusive for the other person)

Do: Nothing.. that's right.. the mistake you're either going to do is pretend to agree.. OR get angry and nag.. In either case, what you're communicating to him is that you care (don't get me wrong, it's not his intention to see if you care, it's not some game.. it's just some urge he has.. to feel that his standards are still in place.. but if you make him feel you're affected or you care, you've just validated him with a 2nd opinion about her hotness).. So just ignore.. "fake-polite-smile, softly laugh to yourself as if you feel sorry for him".. All of this will create:

1. Lack of support, which he's looking for to validate his opinion
2. Social awkwardness between the two of you (but more so on his part)

Say:

- This one is fun, depending which way you take it (that came out wrong).. Pick your favorite actor.. Let's say Pierce Brosnan, "Omg, a girlfriend of mine showed me some nude pictures on her computer of Pierce Brosnan.. Girl Porn.. haha.. We started laughing, it's wierd seeing like an actor like that.. his skin wasn't as tan as I thought i'd be.. and he was a little flabby without all his clothes on, I never noticed that in all his movies.. but she liked his hairy-ness.. I don't know.. not a turn-on at all personally.. and he had a bit of a gut (touch his stomach when you say that).. but well.. one thing you really don't get to see was his 007 secret member.. that thing was huge.. no wonder he has that look on his face.. do you know what look i'm talking about? Don't you think some guys just have a look on their face, about how big their penis really is? Well.. I think so anyway.."

Say: It litterally sucks the listerner (him) in from the get-go.. and as you're talking about the actor, he's all ears because it seems like you're putting the actor down.. so he feels better about himself in a relative sense.. but then his insecurities start to creep in.. and you top it off with the penis comment.. but you're not saying this with the "direct" intention of making a point.. oh no.. that would have zero effect.. you're saying this with him FEELING all these things as he's thinking about them on his own.. having his own insecurities come up, wake up, and start eating him alive.. And as they do.. you just change the subject.. go outside.. go to sleep..

Now, I want you to notice, how he's temporarily going to stop this unwanted behavior.. He now knows what it feels like.. and he also knows the social awkwardness he's going to feel from you if he bothers with that behavior again (yes, this is conditioning, yes, this is dog-training, but you have to agree, a little insensitive on his part, so the ends justify the means).. It's a punishment/reward system and you've added two punishments.. You've just anchored Pierce Brosnan to remind him of those emotions.. and you've also started to condition him to stop this unwanted behavior (with both punishment "awkwardness" and lack of reward "ignoring him, showing no emotion, not being affected")..

Whenever this behavior comes up again.. Just rent a James Bond movie, and continue to ignore his behavior, change the subject, don't let it bother you.. seriously.. make sure you make it obvious how much you're drooling over Bond..

You can go overboard with this.. very easily in fact.. it can show in a couple of ways.. "he no longer wants to watch Bond movies, he banned those movies from being watched again, he starts to seem very affected by it and starts to act depressed because it's affected him a little too strongly".. That's still ok.. now it's time for the speech.. time for him to make the connection..

- DO NOT SAY: "What's wrong? blah blah.. aww.. well.. now you know how I feel when you go on about so-and-so.."

- Say: "What's wrong? Is something bothering you? Hey, you can tell me.. I'm not sitting here asking you because i'm looking for a nothing answer.. I know somethig is wrong, and I want to know what it is.. go ahead, you can tell me.. (him: blah blah).. aww.. I never thought about it that way.. wow, i'm so sorry.. seriously.. that was really mean of me.. I didn't mean to make you feel that way.. and now I feel extra bad actually, because I was telling my friend lately how good and understanding you've been and how you've stopped talking about other women around me.. and ugh, i'm such an idiot.. I can't believe that I just did something so horrible.. I promise.. i'll stop.. I know how bad it feels.. so no more.. no more Bond movies, I promise.. hug?"

He'll make the connection in his mind.. but limted to.. "talking about other women.. BAD... not talking about other women.. GOOD... when she talks about Bond.. BAD FEELING.. when she's not talking about him GOOD FEELING.. and if she's making me feel GOOD.. then the least I can do, and should do is also make her feel GOOD".. I know, some people are tempted to add (well.. i'll just tell him that if he talks about other women, i'll just talk about Bond.. and to that I have to say.. "see, male ego pg.169".. do that, or imply that, and he'll talk about other women out of pure spite.. which is why I warn against the first thing).. it's better to leave it silent, and let him, completely on his own, come up with the idea.. "and I better be good, because I don't want her getting upset with me and then just talking about Bond out of spite".. much more effective..

I hope your guy doesn't read LF.. because this is something his eyes should never come across..

[Gigabitch]

Delightful post, Scorp. I did the silent thing a few times, and last night decided that that was enough of that and explained to him that I felt it was disrespectful to me to make comments about another woman's body as if I were one of his buddies. I offered to start making comments of my own if he wanted to see what it felt like.

He seemed to think there was nothing objectionable at all about doing this, and I told him that it was, indeed, quite normal for girlfriends to have a problem with this.

I couldn't think of a single woman I knew who wouldn't have a problem with it.

Anybody? Speak up, girls...

[misombra]

hell to the no...

my bf, in the five years we have been together, and of all the other stupid habits and sayings he has, he has never said anything like that. sometimes i wonder if he's lying to me, i'm becoming less naive nowadays so i'm sure he is lying, when he says a woman is not attractive if i ask him.

even when he knows i don't care, he always says no.

i don't even think he sees women for their legs or breasts or any part of their body. i'm very lucky in this way.

but i know how difficult it is to get something through to a stubborn male. this is what i do: pinch his nipples. then when he's going to protect his chest, grab his balls and kindly explain to him the rules.

if he doesn't get it by then, tell him to go to natalie portmans house and try to get a blow job.

[Only-virgins]

Look at those legs on Misombra ...woooweee.

[Junket]

My eyes wander all over the damn place.

[misombra]

wandering eyes are different from a loose tongue.

[Junket]

wandering eyes are different from a loose tongue.

She likes it loose between her legs.

[Gigabitch]

My eyes wander all over the damn place.

Sure. You're a dude. The question is, what would Ames think if you started commenting about it?

Ask her, Fras. I'm really curious.

[DoesntMatter]

Is there a problem because he is saying these things TO you? Would saying them to others beside you not make it a problem?

You've made lots of comments on here about how certain guys are "yummy" or whatnot, is the difference that you are NOT saying this to his face?

Women are far more insecure than men by nature, so it would be kind of nice for Cali boy to be more subtle about these things. But then again it takes a certain kind of personality to become someones boyfriend, so this is just part of the package

[Gigabitch]

I would never make comments to my boyfriend about Matt Damon's pecs or shoulders or anything like that. I will comment on general yumminess, especially George Clooney's general yumminess, but I wouldn't ogle, especially out loud.

Are you saying guys don't mind if their girlfriends make comments like "Ooo- this is the part where he takes his shirt off!"?

[DoesntMatter]

Are you saying guys don't mind if their girlfriends make comments like "Ooo- this is the part where he takes his shirt off!"?

A lot of guys wouldn't mind as long as they know they're still gonna be pounding that girl for some same period of time unchanged by that comment. Even forgetting about these guys, women are far more insecure about these types of things