your experience torn between ex and current girl/boyfriend

[jjhung]

He is taking this time to sort thru his feelings and emotions, but he said it is over between him and his ex. He is sad about it and also about us as he knows his confusion could cause the failure of our relationship. He said he does miss me and is truly sorry for hurting me.

I told him this chapter of our relationship is over and I am completely heartbroken and I need to heal myself. I told him I need to get over him and until we both have healed from our emotional wounds we won't be able to start over again. I still have hope that it will work out between us in the future.

His 40th birthday is coming up in May. I was planning a small dinner party but now I am going to forget about it. We will just go to dinner on his birthday. I predict it will be awkward though since I told him I need to get over him. In my mind that means we are not really together.

[Rach]

Oh girl, you should just forget him!! He did it once, he'll probably do it again! You shouldn't have to be second best! There's another guy out there for you! Let this loser go so he can see how it feels to have a broken heart! And as it seems him and his ex deserve each other for both dating multiple people and stringing people along like that. Trust me when I say I know it's not easy! But I also know it will get better, and you can do better!!

[sfalexi]

sfalexi said . . .

I'd call him up and say, "I'm going to make the situation a LOT less confusing for you. She's all yours." Click . . . .

[squirrley]

uh did she not read anything any of us said? hmmm.

Why is she trying to heal from the pain, get over him, and then to just get right back with him?

I DONT GET THIS ONE????

[jjhung]

I am trying to move on. This is the time when I have to take care of myself and heal my wounds. As I am giving him time to get over her, I am also giving myself time to get over him. Don't worry, I am not seeing him for a while. And I will not go back to his apartment, at least not for a longggg longgggg time like over six month or even more. I told him I can't get rid of the image of her being there and I just can't stand even going to his area anymore.

I know we had an open relationship but I am mad and hurt that he can't decide who he wants. In his email he said he had very strong mutual feeling about breaking up with his ex by the time she brought it up. I guess he is now trying to fix things telling me that it was really me that he wanted. Too late. I told him that I feel like the lousy second and don't think I can easily get over this feeling.

He said hopefully I will be there by the time he gets himself together. I am not waiting for him. I deserve to be treated better. He'll have to do a lot to make up for what he did. But just for my own curiosity, I want to know why in the first place he wanted to give her a chance. What did she say that was so convincing to him?

Right now it feels so hard to let go, but I guess it is because all this is still so fresh. I'm sure time will heal all. I am going to get this book, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends.

Unfortunately we will run into each other at least a few times a year in functions.

[Rach]

Well, it's good that you want time to yourself, but are you saying that 6 months down the roda yoou're going to take him back!?! How do you know he won't do this again to you>?

And you said you're giving him time to heal?? He's the one that was dating you both! He hurt you! You should by no means have to worry about his feelings now at this stage of the game.

You came here for advice, and pretty much everyone has told you the same thing. You just have to move on...it's the only way you'll get over him and get rid of the pain. I know that that part is easier said than done, believe me I've been there! Just give yourself time without him....don't talk to him, don't see him, don't do anything with him. And you'll be over him in no time.

[jjhung]

Thanks. I don't think that would be a problem once I move on and start dating other people. But honestly I don't even think I want to date other people, even though last Friday was the first time I went to a bar restaurant with coworkers and already someone tried to pick me up as I was leaving by myself.

I guess I still have strong feelings for him. I know he is not a player and I know he is sorry for hurting me 'coz that's what he tells me everytime when we talk or email. I believe him because I know he is sincere and has been honest to me every since we started dating. I knew he went to dinner with her and knew he stayed over at her place because he told me. But because I suggested to have an open relationship, I told him not to tell me anything more about them so I won't have to think about it. He has been more honest and forthright in this relationship than me. My personal trainer knows the whole story since we started going out, and his last comment was be happy for him whatever happens and let this experience humble you. I had the upper hand in the start. I guess my trainer thought I deserve this. Only when this whole thing blow up that we found out how much I've gotten attached to him.

How will I know he won't do that to me again? I won't and if I ever have to give him a second chance he will have to prove it to me somehow that he is over her. I don't know how. But I know at least for now it is going to take a long long time if that is going to happen. There is this crack in the relationship that needs to be mended and while I am willing to let him back into my heart, we will have to be friends first. But in the end I know we can be just friends if not lovers. While the whole thing was hurtful, it wasn't hateful.

[sfalexi]

Originally posted by jjhung
How will I know he won't do that to me again?

Well here's how I would make sure....

I'd call him up and say, "I'm going to make the situation a LOT less confusing for you. She's all yours." Click . . . .

[jjhung]

Thank you for all your support.

Last night I kind of "interrogated" him about a lot of questions in my mind. Right now I have a very strong feeling towards just being friends. At one point he was willing to let the relationship go because he wanted to see how it would pan out with her when I wanted a one month break. It is that willingness that now makes me mad.

Of course I am saying it now because we saw each other for 30 mins. last night and then talked for 2 hrs on the phone afterwards. I think I just like the idea of his company. Someone to talk to about everything.