The answer is obvious, but the delivery is in question.

[Chemosh]

Hey there,

So, While I was in Iraq I decided to listen to a friend and try to talk to girls online back in America. Well I did, and one I talked to seemed really cool so I called her on the phone and stuff....and I pretty much called her twice a day for the next 4 months there at great expense. When I got back she was there and we pretty much moved in together as planned.

Well It seemed fine, 6 months later I'm out of the Army and we're still together. The only thing is only now do I realize I invested far too much in something that was very dangerous and incredibly stupid. I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything but in the time I've gradually began to notice that she is interested in nothing I am, which isn't so bad except one important thing I need is someone who is very cultured and knowledgeable. Well she isn't and again, I'm not saying I'm so great but that is increasingly annoying. Also in terms of physical appearance in all the pictures I had of her over there she looked good but when I got back I saw she's probably 40ish pounds overweight in a terrible way, all midsection. I feel I need to wear one of those "You looked better on Myspace shirts". So I figured I'd wait since she always makes incredibly feeble attempts at diet and exercise and I kept hoping it might pay off but I now see it will never go away.

So I guess my point is that I've tried to be patient and understanding (and again I say, I'm not perfect either) but I feel very unhappy. She's not smart and I don't find her sexually interesting. As far as she's concerned I'm happy with the way things are and I know she loves me which makes me so sad because in spite or the negative I mentioned she still is so sweet that it horrifies me to imagine hurting her with a breakup. I just feel like I need to since these feelings won't go away. I need to get away and be single again. I don't want to get in a serious live together relationship any time soon, at least for like 12 more years. (I'm 23)

So what my question is, is what the crap should I do, I don't want to hurt her but she will be absolutely be crushed about it but it needs to be done. Freedom is screaming at me louder every day but I don't want to hurt her.

I have a friend who got married after 6 weeks and his wife turned out to be like this but 20 times worse and he's still married to her for the same reason. Only now do I understand what he's going through.

[Gribble]

When people say cultured and knowledgeable I crack up. Most folk who say that don't know Vivaldi from Rembrandt. But I digress. There's nothing wrong with splitting up because you're not interested. What's wrong is sticking together and getting her hopes up. Just be as polite as you can be. Don't tell her she's too overweight or she isn't intelligent enough. Make up a bullshit excuse. She'll probably see through it and call you a slimeball, but you know what? Better to be the "it's not you, it's me" guy than the fella who calls her a lardass.

[vashti]

I think this is a fairly common problem for soldiers. They do what you did, or they get married before they are shipped overseas (like my nephew), despite the fact they are WAY too young to make a wise choice. I think it is an attempt at making a "family" for themselves so they can have something to look forward to returning to after they come home.

I think Gribble is right; you just need to tell her that things didn't work out the way you imagined they would when you were overseas. Tell her you were too eager to make an attachment because you wanted to feel loved and you were lonely, but you see now that you rushed into this relationship. Tell her you can't really get to know someone the way you should over a computer, and that she deserves to have someone who feels more passionate about her. Apologize, and take ALL the blame. Don't be defensive.

Then leave.

[bluesummer]

You can't stick around in this relationship just because you're afraid of hurting her. You're also hurting her by staying in this relationship that you don't want to be in, and not allowing her to go out and meet someone who WILL want to be with her.

Like the others said, just tell her things were too rushed and that it all your fault for getting tangled up in this so quickly, then get the hell out. She'll hurt for awhile, but she'll get over it.

[Gribble]

Watch and learn.

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=syXC5N8Q51I"]YouTube - The Bastard Break Up[/ame]

[bluesummer]

Lol Gribble that was hilarious.

That guy is really funny, I like his "Everyday Normal Guy" video.

[babycarrot]

Please dont stick with this, if I was this girl and read this, I would be mortified. Not only because I would be realising you dont really love me like you say, but also because you didnt have the balls to man it up and let me go.

If you dont love her and cannot be with her, let her go, because you are wasting your and HER time.

If you do stick with it the only thing I see happening is you becoming more miserable and possibly cheating. Dont have such a big head to think that she would never get over you and cannot go into the world and find someone ese. As Im sure you probably could as well.

[Chemosh]

So, I talked to her tonight and ended it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done but I had to do it. I've been getting so depressed about it I just couldn't hold it in anymore and I couldn't function anymore so we're broke up. I'm leaving on Saturday to go to LA and get in the Active National Guard and try and fix my life, even though national guard is super gay.

I'm glad that we broke up with the focus being on my goals not being attainable from this location (the main reason suppose). She cried but was reasonable at the same time. I still feel terrible but it had to be done. I knew it more and more every day for the last couple weeks that it couldn't work. Still, she's such nice person that I hated ending it because she is a nice person to grow old with.

It's done now though, I just need to pack up and drive the **** out of here and so I shall. So thank you all for your advice and I indeed followed it. I will never make the same mistake again as long as I live. I don't even want to be in a relationship any time soon.

It just sucks because you go back 10 months ago when we started talking, and 6 months ago when we first met and I never would have seen this coming, but here it is. Nothing left to do but go forewards I guess.