Does he want a second chance?

[AboutTheWeather]

A few weeks ago I met someone from online.. offline. We had a great first date. Went on the second date the night after.. ended up going on 5 dates in a 2 week span. I thought, yes, while things were going quickly.. they were going great. Then a couple of weeks ago I was thinking about making him dinner, so I called him to figure out his plans. He didn't answer, and then later he called me back.. and after rambling on about meaningless stuff for a minute or two, he basically said something along the lines of "we're at the cusp of a relationship, and that's just something I don't feel like I can do. you're really cool and stuff but we have two very different lifestyles. I had a really fun time hangin gout with you.."

My reply was "OK." i mean, I had only known him two weeks (we did not talk extensively online before the first date). I had begun to like him a lot, but it was easy to get rid of those feelings because they were so new.

Naturally, I stopped e-mailing, calling, text messaging, phoning him.. whatever.

2 WEeks pass, I had almost forgotten about him (though there were those few self-loathing moments where I wondered the real answer for his BS reason for calling things off) and today I receive an e-mail from him.

He sent me a typeface (we are graphic design nerds), and asked "how's it going?"


I'm a bit perplexed. Any insight?

[bluesummer]

Well, it doesn't necessarily mean anything beyond being friendly. I still casually chit chat online with guys I dated a couple times. Doesn't mean there's any interest there.

No harm in replying back, unless you really don't want to talk to him. Just don't talk to him with any expectations attached. If something comes out of it, great. If not, at least you've got another friend or acquaintance.

[IndiReloaded]

Reply with 'going great, just started seeing this awesome guy. And you?'

[Gigabitch]

Does the phrase "back burner" mean anything to you? How about "Plan B"?

The five dates in two weeks thing tells me he was really into it at one point. Something changed his mind. Did you refuse sex with him? Did you have sex with him? Something happened- was it something with you? Maybe it was something else- an ex of his that came back, maybe.

You're his second choice, if not his third. If you were the best thing he had going right now, he'd be pursuing you more, but he's clearly busy with other interests. There's no reason to cut you off completely, though, so he's doing the bare minimum to keep the door cracked open, just in case.

[AboutTheWeather]

That said, it's quite possible, GB about the sex thing. We did not have sex. I didn't exactly refuse sex, but as a virgin, I am not quite willing to give it up to a dude I hardly knew in less than 5 dates.

I told him about how my virginity on our third date (held in my bed). He seemed to respect it ("that's a big deal"). It's not a huge deal to me. In fact, it's definitely a weight on my shoulders that I would love to get rid of. I told him this, and he still didn't push it.

I dont' know how in-depth I can get with sex-y stuff, but if I go too far.. edit me. Or something. Another thing that probably contributed to his breaking it off (lame lame lame) is that I kept shying away from giving him head. Sucks for him (no pun intended), 'cause I was planning on doing it date 6. Anyway, I had good reason to abstain.. he said something about how he's "never had good head." I haven't done that stuff since I was 15, so I knew it wouldn't be good. Anyway.


I can't really see how it was a being friendly thing. We hardly knew each other--why go through the effort to send an e-mail. It's much easier, for both of us, just not to talk. If he can't date someone who apparently has a "completely different lifestyle" then how could he be her (my) friend instead?

It's entirely possible that I'm his plan B. Which sucks. But is also sucks that I don't have anything else, so even being his plan B is somewhat appealing

[Mish]

I'm a bit perplexed. Any insight?

Sounds like he's keeping in touch and being friendly.

Be friendly to him

And go out and find some more prospects to keep your mind occupied and off him

[vashti]

I think the pressure of being your first (sex) may have been too much for him. For some people, it really IS a big deal, and not something you should throw away to the guy who simply wants to fcuk a virgin. So, in a way, I think it was kind of nice that he didn't allow you to see this relationship as being more significant than it was to him.

[lemonade69]

be friendly. you can never have too many friends. you never know who they know.