good idea or bad idea...send girl food @ work

[vashti]

Shaddup.

I thought it was Friday. It feels like Friday.

[Cain]

I want some pizza too. Send me a large veggie!

[Mish]

As far as Vashti/GrkScorp, and the whole direct/confidence discussion. I've been straight up with this girl, I told her what I want. We've known each other for 10 months....i opened up to her more when she backed out....i just told her we don't have enough time together, I wanna spend more time with you, you're one of the coolest people i've met in years, I'm willing to take this as slow as you want to go. If you wanna start out as friends and not rush into things then thats cool, I'm not gonna push anything. I was direct and honest cause I felt thats what needed to be said and I wanted everything out there and clear. I was 100% sure everythiing was golden and we were goin out that when she backed out it shocked me, I didn't have any reason at all to feel she was backing out. When she did back out her demeanor changed like she got uncomfortable around me, and her vibe has been back and forth since. It's like she wanted it to happen and now shes not even willing to go out as friends.

I highlighted the most important parts

This is what I think has happened. Feel free to disagree with this if you like (After all, I don't know the full story and some of this is speculation, I only speak from experience)


You and her started out well, there was mutual interest, both of you seemed to have been interested in each other, maybe her more interested in you than you were in her.

At one point the two of you decided it's time to get to know each other a bit better outside of work, it was a mutual decision. Nothing big just a lunch or dinner together where you can talk a bit more and get to know each other better

However, at some point you decided to be honest and upfront you said to her "you're one of the coolest people i've met in years, I'm willing to take this as slow as you want to go. If you wanna start out as friends and not rush into things then thats cool, I'm not gonna push anything", which must have made sense and sounded noble in your mind. However, what it might have sounded in her mind was a little like this "I'm really interested in you, I have put you on a pedestal and I'm willing to be exclusive with you, but I am ready to go at your pace to achieve that".

What might have happened inside her head after she rationalized that is "Hang on! I don't really know this guy, I was planning to get to know him better, but it sounds like he's jumping ahead of himself. He's willing to take it as slow as I want? He wants to start out as friends? And finish where exactly? Something doesn't seem right about this, best hint to him that it's time to slow down".

Once again, feel free to disagree with this. This is just my take on the situation.

[Cain]

It's tricky for guys. Guys can't just start out as friends and stay friends for a bit... otherwise they get stuck in that damn friend zone. Guys have to let the girl know that they are interested in them more than a friend. Now, he may have said a little more than he should have, but he still needed to let her know that he was interested so he didn't get stuck in the zone.

[Mish]

It's tricky for guys. Guys can't just start out as friends and stay friends for a bit... otherwise they get stuck in that damn friend zone. Guys have to let the girl know that they are interested in them more than a friend.

That all depends on how well you do building attraction and comfort with your friend. Have you ever seen these two friends which you know are going to end up together? There's something about the way they are around each other. That's because they're friends in name only, in reality their relationship is quite different. They are anything BUT friends, they just want to appear as such to the rest of the world if you know what I mean

Ending up in a friend's zone means that either you jumped ahead of yourself without building the right amount of attraction and comfrot OR you are the type that will never achieve those two with this woman and can only ever advance to position of emotional tampon. Ending up in a friend's zone has very little to do with starting out as friends.

[vashti]

It's tricky for guys. Guys can't just start out as friends and stay friends for a bit... otherwise they get stuck in that damn friend zone. Guys have to let the girl know that they are interested in them more than a friend. Now, he may have said a little more than he should have, but he still needed to let her know that he was interested so he didn't get stuck in the zone.

Yup. I agree.

[Mish]

Yup. I agree.

Read above

[Cain]

Read above

Some girls are just dense. They don't get the subtle hints that a guy can give out. If she doesn't read those hints there's no other way for the guy to show interest then to tell her.

[vashti]

I like men who can man up and say what they want. Hints are for little girls. And it was said before, but is worth repeating: women rarely date peope they consider friends.

[Mish]

Some girls are just dense. They don't get the subtle hints that a guy can give out. If she doesn't read those hints there's no other way for the guy to show interest then to tell her.

I see what you are saying. Though girls are ussually the ones that give hints for guys to read. Guys are just their cool, confident selves giving the girl their attention and making their day fun. In the end it's ussually the girl that gets "addicted" to this intimacy and wants to "catch" the guy to make sure he's hers to keep and nobody elses. This is how it works in all good, successfull relationships that I know.

Dates, Friends, schfrends, labels are entirely unimportant in the starting out stages. It's all about the connection and rapport, those are the real drivers in any relationship. Maybe when the relationship is a bit better established a label can be put around it so both can tell the rest of the world their status.

[Cain]

Yes, a woman can grow addicted to that friendly intimacy... however, if a woman really enjoys the company of a certain man or values the communication/intimacy they have, she might be afraid to attempt a relationship because she knows that if the relationship messes up they won't have the friendship they used to have. That's why so many men fall into the friend zone.

[Mish]

Yes, a woman can grow addicted to that friendly intimacy... however, if a woman really enjoys the company of a certain man or values the communication/intimacy they have, she might be afraid to attempt a relationship because she knows that if the relationship messes up they won't have the friendship they used to have. she might be afraid to attempt a relationship because she knows that if the relationship messes up they won't have the friendship they used to have. That's why so many men fall into the friend zone.

Trust me, if the woman wants this. If she's with with this attractive guy she feels comfrotable with, she will get it. Everything will fall in the right places, with a little lead from the guy. Those little leads from the guy will be kino, touch, hug, kiss and so on. Nothing needs to be announced around these stages. It's only when she's not attracted to the guy or doesn't feel comfortable aound him (or both) is when the friend zone occurs.

[littlemo]

I think that's a very sweet idea. How often you think you gonna send pizza to her? Be careful, girls are figure concious these days, it might turn her off if you send her too much pizzas!!

[misombra]

i made pizza yesterday.

i put prociutto, coppocolo, mazarel, tomatoes, and basil on it.

move over caliboy. misombra is in the house.

[Tired]

I highlighted the most important parts

This is what I think has happened. Feel free to disagree with this if you like (After all, I don't know the full story and some of this is speculation, I only speak from experience)


You and her started out well, there was mutual interest, both of you seemed to have been interested in each other, maybe her more interested in you than you were in her.

At one point the two of you decided it's time to get to know each other a bit better outside of work, it was a mutual decision. Nothing big just a lunch or dinner together where you can talk a bit more and get to know each other better

However, at some point you decided to be honest and upfront you said to her "you're one of the coolest people i've met in years, I'm willing to take this as slow as you want to go. If you wanna start out as friends and not rush into things then thats cool, I'm not gonna push anything", which must have made sense and sounded noble in your mind. However, what it might have sounded in her mind was a little like this "I'm really interested in you, I have put you on a pedestal and I'm willing to be exclusive with you, but I am ready to go at your pace to achieve that".

What might have happened inside her head after she rationalized that is "Hang on! I don't really know this guy, I was planning to get to know him better, but it sounds like he's jumping ahead of himself. He's willing to take it as slow as I want? He wants to start out as friends? And finish where exactly? Something doesn't seem right about this, best hint to him that it's time to slow down".

Once again, feel free to disagree with this. This is just my take on the situation.

The only thing with your take is I was honest and upfront the next time i saw her AFTER she was like "i thought we were going out as friends not as a date"...so it was a response to her kinda stepping away. So something in her head happened prior to that exact situation.

To be honest, shes unpredictable lately, I don't know what to think exactly.

Even when I was being honest with her, during that convo....I basically told her I probably would've called it a date but I didn't think that far ahead with it....i knew i liked being around with you, I thought we'd have dinner and if we had a good time we'd do it again.....which is the truth.

But she could've easily heard what you think she heard somewhere along the way and figured it was time to step back a little.

Like I said, IDK what to think, I don't know what shes thinking, shes unpredictable, I'm just gonna try and be patient and I'm not gonna give up on her just yet.