He prefers porn over sex, is this normal?

[nacho]

I am a very attractive redhead. My boyfriend and I have been dating and living together for about four years. The first two years we were together the sex was amazing and happened nearly every day. Now we only have sex about two to three times a month and when it happens he has difficulty getting off. I assumed he was having some kind of drive issues.
After a while this lack of sex started driving me crazy and concerned me a little. I eventually got the idea to check the computer to see if he even watched porn anymore. I found out that his drive is not the problem, that he actually watches porn and masturbates every day. I even found the crumpled up crusty paper towels in the trash by the computer to prove it.
I just don't get it! I am willing and eager to do anything and everything he wants, yet he would rather whack off to anal sex videos than do anything with me.
Is this normal? What does this mean? Is there anything I should do?

[vashti]

Although it is normal for frequency to decline after four years, if the infrequency of your sex life is a problem for you, then it should be a problem for him. If it isn't, then you have a bigger problem than him looking at porn.

[Gigabitch]

I don't know how normal it is, but I think it's a problem that needs to be dealt with. You're unfulfilled. That's not okay.

Does he know you're aware of his masturbatory habits? Maybe you could ask him if you could watch some of these videos with him and see what the thrill is. Maybe offer to act out some of the things you see. Don't judge him- show an interest. If it's really just porn that he's watching, this might actually help.

If, however, he's having some kind of online sexual relationship with someone else, you may have a really big problem. Is there any evidence of that?

[GrkScorp]

I just don't get it!

Even the best chef in the world.. who loves food with a passion.. couldn't have the same dish every day.. He would get sick of it..

I think it's said best in "The Perfect Stranger".. "show me a gorgeous woman, and i'll show you a man who's tired of fcuking her"

It all revolves around "variety".. The sex the two of you have after four years.. have become "routine".. no, i'm not talking about the frequency.. i'm just talking about the nature..

This may blow you away:

- Sex through penetration is actually NOT that enjoyable for men

It's more important to apply pressure to the shaft and have it worked up and down, rather than just friction.. friction with no pressure just doesn't do it.. It makes for sh*tty sex.. And so, if it comes down to his hand vs. your vagina.. his hand will always win..

Tip: be rough on his penis.. it can take it..

The easiest way to put his drive back in place.. is to tackle his primal instincts..

- Cut off all negatives: (nagging, stress, drama, etc)
- Make him love you.. I'm sure he already does.. just remind him of why he does.. make him look at you and feel lucky to have you in his life.. (in no way does this include anything sexual.. get creative.. I don't know why he loves you, a guy who has an anal fettish isn't enough info for me to work with.. but you know why.. remind him, non-verbally)
- Teasing (do it HIS way, not YOUR way) Read: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/20780-tampa-txb-long.html[/url]

One last thing.. Nicely find a way, by "talking" (not nagging).. to get him to stop doing what he's doing on his computer.. just let him know that you want to work on your sex-life.. and start trying out new things.. and that him doing what he does kills his drive.. and you can't be the only one trying to work on your sex-life.. that would kill your motivation.. so it's not really much to ask to stop doing what he's doing.. and instead do it together..


Best,

GrkScorp

[misombra]

i say his willingness to fix this problem is going to be key.

is he going to avoid it and continue to do it?

or does he recognize it as a problem that he should change?

or will he just remain in denial and destroy your relationship for it? that happens all the time, unfortunately.

i've seen a very good friend of mine divorce over this very issue.

[GrkScorp]

i've seen a very good friend of mine divorce over this very issue.

Some guys are such fcukn' idiots and morons..

Why the hell would you even watch porn when you're in a relationship? Talk about taking the easy way out of the problem.. If something isn't on key sexually.. Talk about it! Don't watch porn

You have this gorgeous girl next to you, ready, willing, and able.. and instead of talking things over, you're watching porn? Sorry, that makes no sense.. That makes as much sense as anal sex..

[misombra]

it's an addiction.

[Cain]

Even the best chef in the world.. who loves food with a passion.. couldn't have the same dish every day.. He would get sick of it..

I think it's said best in "The Perfect Stranger".. "show me a gorgeous woman, and i'll show you a man who's tired of fcuking her"

It all revolves around "variety".. The sex the two of you have after four years.. have become "routine".. no, i'm not talking about the frequency.. i'm just talking about the nature..GrkScorp

I was going to post this very same thing. If every time you have sex it's the exact same way, that could make him try to live off a fantasy. I definitely don't agree with him neglecting you for porn, it could be because he's bored with the routine sex life. He should have, however, talked to you about it first.

If this bothers you (and it obviously does), you need to approach him about it. See what both of you can do to liven up your sex life.

And btw, Scorp, anal sex isn't done just because it is such an amazing feeling for the guy. It's done because some people, both men and women, get off more on doing the taboo.. It's the same reason some women like being called sluts and whores when having sex. It's different.

[vashti]

This may blow you away:

- Sex through penetration is actually NOT that enjoyable for men

if it comes down to his hand vs. your vagina.. his hand will always win..

Can some other male confirm this? Because yeah, I find it odd, and definitey untrue in my house.

[misombra]

my bf confirms the complete opposite of that.

[mcs7474]

Can some other male confirm this? Because yeah, I find it odd, and definitey untrue in my house.

While I will take sex to porn any day, I have to agree with his statement, I love the act of penetrating, but it doesn't feel not nearly as good as a hand or my own hand. Not to get into details, but porn and hand I can get off quickly, sex (while I love it) just seems to last forever and seems like I am getting nowhere. But thats whole different problem.

[vashti]

Perhaps you are simpy beating off too often, and therefore have decreased sensitivity?

If masturbation is superior, then why are all you guys trying to get into women's pants all the time? Either DM is wasting his time, or you guys are full of crap.

[GrkScorp]

While I will take sex to porn any day, I have to agree with his statement, I love the act of penetrating, but it doesn't feel not nearly as good as a hand or my own hand. Not to get into details, but porn and hand I can get off quickly, sex (while I love it) just seems to last forever and seems like I am getting nowhere. But thats whole different problem.

Wife: Does penetration feel better than watching porn w/ your hand?

Husband thinks: (hmm.. if I answer yes, I know what's going to happen..) No way dear.. vaginal sex is way better..

But at least this guy is nobody's husband or boyfriend.. nor am I, so you can get a very honest answer.. But if I my gf or wife asked.. I would tell her.. strait-up.. "physically, yes.. it does more for me.. but that's it.. just physically.."

Ask anyone.. would you rather have sex.. or get a blowjob/handjob? Which feels better? (all has to do with pressure on the shaft)

As for the taboo.. i'd personally.., engage in something less "sh*tty".. if I would ever see something brown during the process.. i'd be so turned off.. I think i'd have to put gloves on to take the condom off.. wash my thing off with Lysol just to be safe.. It would take a lot to get me to turn to the dark side..

[GrkScorp]

If masturbation is superior, then why are all you guys trying to get into women's pants all the time? Either DM is wasting his time, or you guys are full of crap.

"All you guys" trying to "get into a woman's pants all the time"? How did you come up with that one? Either you've been around some very very desperate & low quality guys.. or you're watching too many movies and television..

Anyway.. if DM is looking for sex, then he's wasting his time.. sorry DM.. it's really not all it's cut out to be.. extremely overrated..

Ladies.. we're not your husbands or boyfriends.. or a friend that knows your husband or boyfriend.. we have no reason to lie to you.. so this is as honest of an opinion as you're going to get..

"With respect to physical pleasure only, sex is really not that great.. sorry.. It doesn't mean there isn't other pleasure.. It's sexy, arousing, very enjoyable.. and it has so many other functions that blowjobs & handjobs can't even begin to match.. But if all we're looking for is to feel good, pronto.. sex is our least favorite route to go about it.."

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

it's an addiction.

Well.. if kids these days can jerk off to cartoons.. then yes.. it's pretty obvious that something is wrong..