Why do guys play games?

[Lozenger]

To any male out there or anyone else who knows the anwser, why do guys play mind games?
Like, why will they talk to you like you're the coolest girl they know and suddenly stop?
Or, as I have emailed some people, why would a guy give you eye contact, talk lots face to face and smile at you lots but then totally ignore you online or ignore your texts? (P.s I'm not one of those girls who texts constantly)

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[vashti]

Maybe you are attracting the kinds of guys who like to make females feel perpetually insecure. We have a couple of posters who actually openly admit to this. They have all read some retarded book that encourages it.

[DharmicLove]

Girl, this is just the behavior of some men. Not all men play games. The ones who dont want a commitment or those who are afraid of it are the ones who play games. These men are not to be encountered. They are manipulative and really all they want is to control your mind and have you open off of them. Possibly their sex. The good thing is this behavior can be changed.

[vashti]

Why bother trying to change it? Too many fish in the sea; it's easier to just move on.

[lonely_aussie]

Guys play games because women do and simple guys are just brushed aside as they are no fun, no mystery, and according to women not much attractive men, your dream man is always an intelligent man who takes the lead and takes control of your mind and then you submit your body.

[MadKat]

always a mismatch

[Lozenger]

I appreciate what you are all saying, but I always try to see the good in people.
When a guy plays mind games with you, do you think they do it to intentionally hurt your feelings? Or are they just strange like that?


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[IndiReloaded]

To any male out there or anyone else who knows the anwser, why do guys play mind games?

For all kinds of reasons, all of which ultimately boil down to: Because you let them. That is all.

[Lozenger]

For all kinds of reasons, all of which ultimately boil down to: Because you let them. That is all.

In that case, how do I prevent them from doing so?


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[IndiReloaded]

You can't prevent anyone else from doing anything. You can only control yourself.

If you'd like to dissuade someone from doing this kind of thing there are limited options. A positive outcome assumes the game player cares about your responses, which I wouldn't count on.

Ignore the games. Negatively reinforce their behaviour. Find someone who doesn't play the 'games' you object to.

[gHEXjt]

Sometimes I stop answering calls and talking to girls because they get so goddamn annoying and they can't take a hint.

It's not really mind games. Bottom line, we talk to you like you're the coolest girl in the world because we just met you and are feeling out whether or not we can get in your pants. We approach every girl the same way who is of visual interest to us. For all we know, she is the coolest girl in the world, and once we find out she is not, we stop talking to her. And obviously there could be a million different reasons why one person is not attractive to another...

For your second question regarding meeting personally but being ignored via other lines of communication, it could once again be a number of things. Maybe when he met you he was just trying to be nice. Maybe something you've done has caused him to perceive your behavior as a lack of interest and he doesn't feel like wasting his time. Lots of people aren't out to make new friends, they are just out to find sex or a relationship, and if it is believed you can't offer either of those, some of us just don't feel like wasting our time.

Additionally, if what your describing actually is "game playing," a woman can't make that guy change. I think a lot of us are commitment phobic for a reason. Bad breakups, bad relationship between parents, I don't know. You've got to be ready to change. Relationships are a lot of work and I think a lot of people, not guys or girls specifically, can't handle it once they get in. These are the game players who just dick around all the time. They'd rather just have quick fun than work hard to make something special w/someone else.

[Lozenger]

Ah well, I'm sure I'll stop loving all together, then I can't get hurt by anyone, thanks for you inputs people It's much appreciated


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[IndiReloaded]

Ah well, I'm sure I'll stop loving all together, then I can't get hurt by anyone.

That's an overblown response, FYI. Its no wonder you are susceptible to 'games'.

Learn to control the severity of your responses to things & I suspect you'll do much better.

[GrkScorp]

Like, why will they talk to you like you're the coolest girl they know and suddenly stop?
Or, as I have emailed some people, why would a guy give you eye contact, talk lots face to face and smile at you lots but then totally ignore you online or ignore your texts?

If this is what you consider male "game playing".. then consider yourself "lucky".. male game playing has nothing to do with you.. because it's targeted to "females".. and women are social creatures.., which means not only are they more socially aware, but also more socially intelligent.. So primative 1-on-1 games like this are easily ignored and resisted.. they have little or no effect..

Like, why will they talk to you like you're the coolest girl they know and suddenly stop?

This sounds more like you just did or said something that came off the wrong way.. or more likely the case.. he found someone else.. (Guys are practical.. and for the most part.., no matter what he had with you.. if he found someone else.. it's a waste of his time to be nice to you or care about your feelings.. he could care less.. there's no point.. he would rather invest his time and energy into this new person)

Or, as I have emailed some people, why would a guy give you eye contact, talk lots face to face and smile at you lots but then totally ignore you online or ignore your texts?

So many reasons.. Personally.., I tell people right away when I talk to them on the phone.. "don't text me.. I never get them.. and if I do.. I never read them.. it's the same device.. call me.. I want to hear your voice.. not have to read some aol-speak letters".. Or if I see them face-to-face on a regular basis.. our online relationship is officially over.. We either talk on the phone or face-to-face from that point and on.. talking online for me feels very impersonal.. especially when the person you're talking to lives about an hour or so away from you..

Now.., if you haven't really started talking.. in person.. face-to-face.. take a step back and think about it logically for one second.. Is he really confident? Really? Making eye-contact and smiling at you.. but somehow failing to start a conversation with you? Interesting.. It can very well be the case that this guy is just shy.. and when he sees you online.. he goes through the same dilema girls go through.. "I don't want to message him.. that would show that i'm desperate or that i'm interested.. I don't want to do that"..

My asian friends communicate via online.., and my friend Tony who is a musician communicates via MySpace.. but that's about it.. everyone else is either on the phone.. or face-to-face.. talking online is very impersonal.. I think that's the issue most guys have with it..

The Nature of Male Game-playing:

I believe we talked about this via PM.. but it never hurts to give a more complete answer.. There are two reasons guys play games.. It's either one or the other.. never both.. and you'll see why that is..

1. Because they can: Have you ever noticed.. that "nice guys" don't usually play games.. In fact.. I urge you to try and think of a nice guy that was seriously playing games and not just being shy.. Exactly.. It's usually the "jerks" who end up playing games.. and for the simple reason.. because they can.. Jerks are usually very good looking, have a lot of money, are very socially desireable.. or some combination of all of those.. In short.. if they have to spend one second more on you than they do on someone else equally as good or perhaps better.. then it's one second wasted.. and you get pushed to the side and ignored without any consideration about your feelings.. they don't matter to the jerk.. He has the power to ignore.. and there's been much debate among my group of guy friends if this is the same power that makes the jerk so desireable.. but that's an other topic alltogether.., what's important is that the jerk could care less about how you feel.. and if he has the power to do something.. he will.. and that's why he does it..

2. Because if he doesn't.. you will: I never really believed in Karma until I was no longer the manipulatee, and now the manipulator.. Childhood trama.., we all have it in some form or an other.. and for some guys.. it takes the form of being the victim of female game-playing.. being tossed around like a toy.. and developing a sort of love/hate relationship with the opposite sex.. As if that's not enough.. some guys have the luxury of having close friends who have been seriously hurt by some form of female game-playing.. As a result.. these guys have developed a preventive fear.. to avoid the emotional pain that follows.. these guys develop either fear or hate for female game-playing.. and to prevent emotional damage (and loss of time, effort, energy, money, etc) they develop their own mode of game-playing to actually counter, neutralize, and prevent female game-playing.. Because they understood that back in high school.., girls were simply more socially aware and intelligent.. they actually have to "one-up" them.. (which is more like being 80 steps ahead).. a level of game-playing that is far more complex and sophisticated.. and at the same time.. is covert and subtle.. when you see it in action.. it's almost like a work of art.. This type of manipulator is not a "player".., he is an "artist".., because he doesn't use games to get what he wants.. rather.., to counter games.. he is not out to win.. only to bring both people to an equal and level position where they can now interact openly, honestly.. and with mutual respect for eachother.. (that is the goal; always)

Note: You can never win with the first type of manipulator.. you can only ignore.. or try and resist and get completely sucked in.. because the goal of the first type of manipulator is personal satisfaction without consideration for anyone else's feelings but his.. However.., there's a backdoor to winning with the second type of manipulator:

Backdoor: The goal of the second type of manipulator is always "to bring both people to an equal and level position where they can now interact openly, honestly.. and with mutual respect for eachother".. And since that's the goal.. that's where his manipulation switches get flipped "off".. when the goal has been met.. So the best way to completely bypass the second type of manipulator's defenses.., is to stop triggering them! This is why these types of guys are so attracted to "open, humble, honest, and creative" types.. It's a perfect harmony of traits and characteristics.. which also means less or no games to counter..

Why girls end up getting played?

1. Bad Strategy & Game Plan: Like the second type.. girls have also been hurt at some point in their life by a guy.. and more sensitive to the emotional damage.. have developed their own line of defenses to prevent that from happening again.. (Reserved, doubtful, testy).. And so.. they only try and prevent the inevitable with jerks.. and only trigger the defences of the other class.. Either way.. because it's a constant strategy.. they constantly encounter some form of games..

Better Strategy:

- Learn how to filter guys (properly.., not with pointless and meaningless tests)
- After you filter out the jerks from the non-jerks.. (turn games & tests OFF; there's no longer any point!)
- Start to get to know the person (again, there's no point for games/tests at this point)
- If the person is not disqualified.. continue to qualify (directly)
- If the person qualifies.. (then you might want to make sure that you actually qualify for them)

Best,

GrkScorp

[lonely_aussie]

Ah well, I'm sure I'll stop loving all together, then I can't get hurt by anyone, thanks for you inputs people It's much appreciated


X

Start loving the right ones, they are around you but you can't see them