I was deeply in love with that girl, we were a really good friends before we dated, we spoke on the phone every day. We broke up few months ago and I took it pretty hard, harder than I thought. She kept trying to be good friends afterwards, she phoned me all casual and I couldn't hide the blues. I know it was hard on her whenever I brought up our subject, I tried to get her back little time ago. Now I learned to let it go but I did something very wrong. I guess she gave up on me because I couldn't give up our past. I really want to be good friends with her although we are very casual whenever we talk she stopped calling, now I look at my phone and regret blowing our friendship like I did... will I always be regreting? Could anything change?
Hope I was clear enough...
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Thread: ... just sorry
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07-04-08, 01:55 PM #1
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... just sorry
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07-04-08, 02:21 PM #2
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Well, you're clearly not over her. What I see is you want to be good friends because you're giving yourself a false sense of hope that you could get back together with her by some chance. Well that's only going to hurt you more. I know it's hard to do but you've got to move on. I think she did you a favor by not calling anymore and keeping distance from you.
"will I always be regreting?"
No! How old are you? This leads me to believe you're obviously not thinking too straight. Love messes with you and makes you say and do stupid stuff. This is one of those things. You won't regret it forever. Of course you're regretting it now, that's to be expected, you still love her a lot. Like I said you need time to move on and let yourself recuperate from your breakup. I'd recommend just keeping contact with her to a minimum or none for now. It will only make you miss her more and you'll just end up digging yourself into a deeper hole. You need to take some time to pick yourself up, start thinking straight and eventually find someone else. There's other great women out there, don't let one drag you down.
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08-04-08, 01:09 AM #3
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I really apreciate your response, but I didn't mention that pretty much all our friends are common, whenever we are going clubbing or someone's birthday I always see her. I have a great respect for her and as I said we were great friends before we dated. I just feel that she is somewhat afraid of me, afraid of me bringing our past of which I don't even think anymore. She is somewhat distant and I hate that. I also want to add that I never accused her of anything, never said anything bad or angry and always showed respect.
And I'm 20...
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08-04-08, 01:16 AM #4
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You can't be honest friends w/someone you're not over.
Try again once you've found someone else to love. It will probably be okay then. Take care.Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
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09-04-08, 08:05 AM #5
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We had a deep conversation over the phone yesterday and I found out that it's not only me but she too is a fraid of me. What happens is I say a lot of things that offend her and she thinks thats because I dislike her when in truth I only throw jokes to ease this tension between us, and I never thought I offended her. So we both are afraid of each other and yet scare eath other some more, we are locked in this vicious cycle...
Now, after yesterdays conversation we both know how we feel and I need to do something about it. I need you people to throw some advices, as I said we are trying to become good friends again and I really hope we could.
I asked her to spend some time with me and she agreed, I might steal her away this Sunday. We haven't hanged like this in a while and I'm nervous... I'm aiming to blow this vicious cycle to pieces...
Advices?
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09-04-08, 10:41 AM #6
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Believe me, being friends will not turn out well.
You will just end up being hurt.
It is time to cut ties.
Be friendly when you see her, but don't rip your heart out by attempting to remain friends with someone with whom you obviously want more.
It's like ripping off the band-aid really, really slowly.
Ouch.
Don't do it.
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09-04-08, 11:41 AM #7
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I know you mean well and really apreciate that, but I doubt that I will feel worse than how I felt when we broke up. I just really respect her as a person and she wants it too. I just have to try... maybe just this time...
Originally Posted by tryingtoforget
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09-04-08, 01:05 PM #8
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How do you know that? Originally Posted by littlewing
You're just going to set yourself up to get hurt again. You've been on here for long enough that I'm sure you've read plenty of advice to others in similar situations. You're in love and your judgment is clearly impaired. Take our advice, move on. I know it's hard, it's going to be, and there's no way around it but if you don't do it now it's only going to be harder later on and you're going to get hurt again.
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09-04-08, 05:16 PM #9
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littlewing, i believe you replied to my other post about my breakups...
well, it is very ironic for me to say this, but stay at minimum or no contacts at all. Being a "friend" with her at this time will only deepen your wound. She might be fine with the friend term but from your post, you sounded like you don't want to lose her. Even as a friend is good enough for you...but it will get worst only...trust me. I am going thru this thing.
Be a man, this is what she wants now. Tell her you really would appreciate her being your friend, and really miss those times when as friend. But now, tell her you need time to heal your wound 1st, and she will be the 1st to know when you are ready to be as a friend back. If she really appreciates you as a friend, she will understand. Time will heal everything...It’s hard to find someone whom u truly love, much less to find someone who loves u as much.
When the chance comes, don't ever let go.
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10-04-08, 12:10 AM #10
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But I feel the my wounds ARE healed. I am pretty fresh in this forum but I quick to realise how miniature my problems are comparing to others, and reading about others issues and all the advices you guys throw at people it all made me feel much easier. I mean come on! we only dated for almost 3 months during which we didn't even get to know each other that well.
I really do feel great now and I need to make things okay with her. Even if we are to part ways I don't want it to be when we both think that one hates the other. I can't keep on living in this "vicious circle" anymore... neither does she.
I bagan noticing other attractive girls all around and I started looking for "the one" again and all that...
If it's not gonna go well and she would start bitching around I'm out of there.
Maybe you're right, maybe my judgement is impaired and maybe I still love her. But there is only one way to find out for sure...
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10-04-08, 01:41 AM #11
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Well, if it isn't my evil, properly-spelled brother. Originally Posted by littlewing
You have to live to learn, not regret. At least next time, hopefully, you will not be such a drama mama. I would just forget about her unless she calls you someday. Move on, find another girl to hang out with.
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11-04-08, 08:18 AM #12
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Thanx lilwing
... she did call me. It's hard sometime to keep yourself sane when you break up with someone you had deep feeling towards. I know how stupid it is to be a drama queen but it is a great loss. You don't just move on a moment after the breakup; you begin to realize how much you lost and then the shitstorm begins. You know a lot of people say that you fall in love for real only once, only the first time... whether thats true or not I have yet to find out...
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11-04-08, 08:35 AM #13
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I know its very typical but seriously buddy time heals all and once you fall for another girl and I mean actually fall for her then you will find it easy to be friends with tha otha one plus u prolly wont care too much about her anyways! I know how u feel tho and trust me when I say it takes time and bein away from her is a good thing but make sure u stay close to yer friends! I know that my friends always cheer me up!
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11-04-08, 10:14 AM #14
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Originally Posted by cheeze_guy
My best friends are her best friends... but I have something to fall back to, I could disappear for a while
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15-04-08, 03:20 AM #15
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So I just came back from our day together. We had breakfast then I took her around places and told her about history and architectural backgrounds... It was great in the end she told me that she discovered something in me she hasn't seen before, it seemed more like a compliment. But it's true, I guess I'm fairly closed in my personality.
I haven't felt like kissing her or anything like that, besides I already have a promising phone number in my cell. I do have some regrets about my recent past that I felt today but I couldn't really understand whether from loosing her or dating her in a first place.
Anyways my point is achieved we don't fear each other anymore...
