Where am I headed? advice please.

[accesskb]

Hi Ladies,
Just need some advice. I've fallen in love with a girl, a university class-mate of mine. She's the first girl I've actually deeply fallen in love with or put in effort for/tried going for. I'm 25 and have never gone out with any girl in the past, although I've had a crush on many. We've been to dinner and movies a few times, plan to live togethar next semester, and will be travelling in Europe this summer. It hasn't gone any further than that. I seem to think that she is interested in me, but perhaps I'm wrong.... Although I really do love her and want to go out with her, I'm also afraid to take it further. You see... I'd rather have her as a 'good' friend than get into a relationship, perhaps have it not work out, break up and ruin even the friendship we had.

Here is whats confusing me the most. Like I said we've become really close and talk about everything. The other day we went out for dinner and while eating she said she has two secrets to tell me... First how one of her best girl friend (who we all think is very quiet and innocent) had sex with another good male friend of hers. I told her its no big deal. Every does it. The next secret she told me was that a year ago she had been sleeping around with another class-mate of mine, who doesn't go to our school anymore. She said she only used him for sex, and how he was physicall awsome and blah blah....

What do I make of this? As much as I love her dearly, I will admit, it does make me look at her a bit differently. Although I know things like this goes on, I wish she didn't tell me all these. But what I'm wondering is why did she tell me these personal stuff??

To fill you in more.. A few days ago, she broke up with a guy she'd been going out with for over a year cuz he treated her like shit. She also keeps asking me so "tell me more about you" Who are you interested in? Is there anyone in school that you're interested in? I just say there is no one who was worth me time/energy.

Please help me... I love her too much.

thnx

[dimager2003]

I think you are deep in the friendz zone...

[vashti]

Yup. I agree ^^.

You don't have any real right to be upset. This is the kind of stuff "friends" talk about, after all. If you had been more honest with her about your feelings, this probaby wouldn't have happened.

[Gigabitch]

We've been to dinner and movies a few times, plan to live togethar next semester, and will be travelling in Europe this summer. It hasn't gone any further than that.

What, like roommates? That's a huge mistake. Don't do that until you know what's going on between you and her or you're going to end up listening to her have sex in the next room.

You see... I'd rather have her as a 'good' friend than get into a relationship, perhaps have it not work out, break up and ruin even the friendship we had.

This is pure, unadulterated bullcrap, right here. Who are you kidding? You're 25 and you've never had a girlfriend. This is not about preserving your beautiful friendship, it's about being scared.

First how one of her best girl friend (who we all think is very quiet and innocent) had sex with another good male friend of hers. I told her its no big deal. Every does it.

Yeah, except you, apparently.

You're not headed to the Friend Zone, you're going beyond that to the Bitch Zone. Don't do it. Let me guess- you've paid for these movies and dinner, but they weren't "dates", per se, right? Now you've somehow convinced yourself that you don't want to make a move because you don't want to "ruin the friendship".

You're not helping yourself at all, here, and you know it. Don't walk this fine line between friend and... whatever. If you want to date her, be clear about it and make her say yes or no.

And don't move in with her.

[Kromat]

Relationship start off as being friends, that is what dating is for, to find out, If there is an interest in the two of you.
The only female friends that I see as friends are the ones that are taken or introduce you through a friend, but even those can end up being relationships.
Stop being her friend all the time, and If you know that you feel something towards her, go make your move, or you'll regret it later.

P.S. unless you evolve your feelings, you'll never get any action or gain experience in a relationship.

[accesskb]

What, like roommates? That's a huge mistake. Don't do that until you know what's going on between you and her or you're going to end up listening to her have sex in the next room.



This is pure, unadulterated bullcrap, right here. Who are you kidding? You're 25 and you've never had a girlfriend. This is not about preserving your beautiful friendship, it's about being scared.



Yeah, except you, apparently.

You're not headed to the Friend Zone, you're going beyond that to the Bitch Zone. Don't do it. Let me guess- you've paid for these movies and dinner, but they weren't "dates", per se, right? Now you've somehow convinced yourself that you don't want to make a move because you don't want to "ruin the friendship".

You're not helping yourself at all, here, and you know it. Don't walk this fine line between friend and... whatever. If you want to date her, be clear about it and make her say yes or no.

And don't move in with her.

lol I love how you can see the real me even better than I can.

fyi during our dates we both split the costs. I try to pay for her but she keeps saying no or ends up paying for something else in return.

****... I thought there was something hopeful between us when she asked if I wanted to live with her during school next semester. Do you all think she told me her personal stuff so it wouldn't be a shocker to me when she brought home another guy.. perhaps for sex?

Yup. I agree ^^.

You don't have any real right to be upset. This is the kind of stuff "friends" talk about, after all. If you had been more honest with her about your feelings, this probaby wouldn't have happened.

thnx... I'll let my feelings be known to her when I see her again tomorrow, a day before she flies out to Denmark for the summer.

Relationship start off as being friends, that is what dating is for, to find out, If there is an interest in the two of you.
The only female friends that I see as friends are the ones that are taken or introduce you through a friend, but even those can end up being relationships.
Stop being her friend all the time, and If you know that you feel something towards her, go make your move, or you'll regret it later.

P.S. unless you evolve your feelings, you'll never get any action or gain experience in a relationship.

I thought I have been giving her little clues that I do really care for her... but I guess they could confuse anyone cause they aren't obvious enough.


From all the responese here, I'm just heartbroken that she looks at me as a friend.

[accesskb]

sorry to bore you guys even more.. but here are more details of why I think she may be interested in me.....

She always wants to do things with me.... go for dinner, movies, go to mall. It used to be with a few of her friends first, but now its usually just the two of us.

Once she called me saying she wanted to go for a walk by the river, get ice-cream and after decided not to go clubbing with her friends as she had planned but instead wanted to go watch a movie with me. I mean do girls really call out their best guy "friends" to go out for a walk by the river? I'm confused.

She has invited me over to her place for a late dinner one night... We both went grocery shopping and TRIED cooking before watching FOREST GUMP. lol oh yeah we both seriously suck at cooking.

We both plan to intern in Europe this summer. She will be flying out to Denmark tomorrow night. I'll be going to Austria. A few weeks ago I had joked with her saying I won't be going to Europe, but later told her I was just messing with her. She said it scared her for a sec. I'm thinking if she didn't care, she'd be like whatever...

Last semester in school was especially hard, and I've told her there is a chance I might fail one of my courses. She replied by saying if I ever failed any course, she'd stay back with me.

The other day we were at the mall, and she wanted to take photos on one of those booths... Too bad the booth there wasn't for wallet sized photos, rather HUGE portraits.

I just wish she would give me a better sign if she was interested.. like hold my hands or kiss me. Then I'd be all over her and have no confusion if she really wanted to go out with me. LIke I said, she's got more experience than me.. I'm scared shitless to be the first to do anything lol

[vashti]

I just wish she would give me a better sign if she was interested.. like hold my hands or kiss me. Then I'd be all over her and have no confusion if she really wanted to go out with me. LIke I said, she's got more experience than me.. I'm scared shitless to be the first to do anything lol

She is probably waiting for YOU to make the first move. It is traditional for the boy to do this.

No risk = no gain.

[Gigabitch]

I agree about taking a risk. You should do it. You're moments away from going to get pedicures together with this girl- show her you're a man!

[bohemiandonut]

Okay this is the perfect time to enact the PHASE SHIFT.

Instead of "telling her your feelings," show her your feelings. Plant a big wet one on her lips before she leaves to Denmark. She'll be all "...okay..." and then will have time to figure it out or whatever. (i.e. miss you the whole time.)