**** love!

[jinx343]

hey guys.. i'm officially heartbroken.. just 3 days ago. it was a stressful and hurtful relationship anyway.

it was a long distance relationship. we never met (which is good anyway), only saw each other through webcam... which was one of the the reasons why things never went right.

it was almost perfect at first.. almost like a dream. we were so happy and so in love back then. and everything changed when he went back to his hometown, went to university, met new friends and new girls, worked in a new place, lived with his family...

i've risked everything and did everything coz i loved him so much.. and i thought it was worth the effort for the relationship.
but the more i did everything to communicate with him and make things easier for him (coz he's busy with everything), the more he stopped doing the things he once did for me and for the relationship.

decided so many times to end it all but kept holding on everytime he says he doesnt want to let me go coz he loves me and we've shared so many things together.

stupid me, i kept holding on... forgiving him of things he couldnt do or forget to do. if there was someone who felt the most neglected.. that was me. but hey, i loved him so much that my love overshadowed my judgment and decisions.

in the end.. he was the one who told me, " i don't think we will ever see each other / or be together ...our love is impossible... so maybe it's better if we stay as friends" and "i love you but not so strong as before / a lil different from before". was i hurt? damn i was! i wanted it to be the end of the world for me.

he made the decision once and stuck with it. funny how i gave him the chances before and he never even thought about it when he just suddenly told me that. i should have been firm when i thought it was time for me to let go.. but love made me weak. so now i am the one hurting.

he wants us to be friends? i didnt open my self for love and risked everything just coz i want to be friends with him! i have enough friends already. i dont need one.. especially not him who broke my love and trust.

how could he tell me to be friends with him when he definitely knows how i feel for him.. just how much i love him? i couldn't do that when i will just hurt myself even more.


damn! what a great first experience it was! haha! i wanna scream my head off everytime i remember all the things that he said.

i feel so stupid for having been so weak and letting him take control of my emotions and judgment.

damn indeed!

[Petit Papillon]

So I think you shouldn't put a 100% of Your heart in this relationship.have You both even think about meeting or something like that?well,I think he realised that such a relationship has no sense for a longer time...Honestly it has no.Especially if it's Your first relationship.Remember that You can't know somebody in 100% when You talk with him only on internet.And why he said that he wants to be a friend of Yours?Because he really thinks that.He shared his thoughts with You and so did You.But perhaps he needs someone for real.I know You must be very heartbroken and pissed off.But think that You've met someone really special,and it's not his or Yours fault that You can't live together...At least he was honestly with You.Try to keep this friendship,I'm sure it's worth it. And I'm sure You also need someone for real.And You will find someday .Well...You won't,he will find You You don't know the time and the place.Smile girl

[jinx343]

exactly my point.. he used to plan of us meeting together.. but now only said that when he said better we stayed as friends. he tells me to find someone who is real. coz he thinks we will never meet. that exactly sounds like the person who has no plans or intentions anymore.

so fine! i dont want to spend my love with someone who doesnt share the same thoughts and dreams with me anymore.

[Petit Papillon]

Good girl There's more plenty fish in the sea,he's not the only one guy in this world.And surely he's not Your second half of an apple.

[jinx343]

but pettit-papillon, how could i be friends with him when i love him very much still?? i'll just keep loving him and missing him and hate myself everytime i think he will be with someone else if i will keep communicating with him.

it was too soon that i still cant think of other things other than wishing i could have him back and make him change his decision...

but then. i dont want him back if he doesnt love me so much anymore. i need a guy who will love me more than i love him.

and yeah, it's lesson learned on my part to never give my all and leave something for myself, too.

[Petit Papillon]

Maybe staying friends with him will learn You patiency and how to hold crazy hormons.I think that You should stay in friendship with him because the love You have will go on and I don't want You to miss maybe a real friend that You've already met.I'm sure he didn't want to hurt you,and that is why he ended this relationship now,not later.And I think he's a good man,some guys would just ignore You,change their e-mail adresses and vanish.He could also keep You in this relationship and have someone for real.But would it has any sense?I'm sure he want's all good for You,he wants You to be happy.So run out from Your house,and look around You.True colors are worst than those on the screen?

[jinx343]

i think i n some way you're right.. but i'll see.. if he will really still find a way to communicate with me and i feel a little better, i might do as you said.

but honestly, i know and i dont deny the fact that i might still think and cling to the hope that we might get back again... and i dont want to be hurt and be disappointed again just because of my own hopes and dreams..

what do you say?

[Petit Papillon]

I know this feeling as well as You do.So I have a small advice for You.When You will feel a little bit better.You can say that:So I want to be a friend of Yours,but as You know I feel something more to You.If You want to keep contact with me but just as a friend,don't You ever say something that would fuel up my hope again.Treat me as a friend and nothing more,unless You'll be 1000000000000% sure that You love me.Cause You don't want me to be hurt.
what do you think about that?

[jinx343]

that was a very nice advice indeed.. kinda gave me a new perspective in life right now... wowwww... im starting to have my head cleared now.. cant believe it but it i do..

i'm so used giving advices for my friends.. it's good to get advices for myself. thank you thank you so much pettit-papillon...

can you be my good friend online? if it's not too much too ask.

gotta go now.. talk to you tomorrow. ciao!

[Petit Papillon]

You welcome I'm happy that I could help You .Of course You can Once I've said "We all are in a heartbreak hotel and we are here to help eachother" . Have a nice day.