My problem with her past....

[Rock]

I need your help. I have am having a problem dealing with a one night stand my wife had long before we met.

One night while we were dating I made the fatal mistake of talking about out past relationships. She mentioned she had a one night stand in Vegas that she regretted very much. That was out of character for her. I could never imagine her doing that because of her personality and how shy she is. That was a few years ago. We have since gotten married and on accident, that one night stand came up last week.

We had our first real date in Vegas and I said to her last week joking something to the effect, 'what good comes out of Vegas with dancing and drinking?' Referring to us and our wonderful relationship we have. She looked confused and said' ug, oh, you mean that mexican guy I told you about years ago that when I told you, you got upset? I said, um, no, us!

I can't seem to let that not bother me. I don't know why. Last night we were watching a stand up comic. He brought up one night stands in Vegas, if you could believe it. I got those feelings back. Painful feelings that I know are not her fault. It's something in my past relationships that triggers this. I don't care about any of her past relationships, but this one like I said, seems so out of character for her. I wish I could let this go. I know it's not fair to judge her on her past.
Does anyone have any advice for me?

[vashti]

I advise you to keep your insecurities to yourself.

She wasn't cheating on you, was she?

[Rock]

No, that was years before we met. I am trying to deal with these insecurities, hence the post. I realize this is my problem.

[vashti]

It's possible you may never feel "good" about this. That is why I think you should keep it to yourself. Your jealousy (if uncontrolled) can only be harmful in the long run.

[Rock]

It's possible you may never feel "good" about this. That is why I think you should keep it to yourself. Your jealousy (if uncontrolled) can only be harmful in the long run.

Thanks for the reply. Well I am not a jealous person by nature. I don't feel this is a jealousy issue, as we trust each other completely. I have no fear this would happen again. I don't worry about her at all in that regard.

[misombra]

then let it go. it's no big deal. it was a year before you even met her. why are you so concerned about it anyway?

[Rock]

then let it go. it's no big deal. it was a year before you even met her. why are you so concerned about it anyway?

I wish I knew....

[misombra]

well, everybody has done things they regret. it doesn't help anybody to have their mate constantly being upset about it. it makes it hard to get over and you'll end up causing a rift in your relationship that'll be difficult to repair. you're supposed to trust and respect each other in entirety, it is really difficult to have that kind of relationship with somebody who, when you tell them your darkest secrets, ruminates over it and makes you feel guilty about it.

[vashti]

I wish I knew....

You are jealous.

[Rock]

well, everybody has done things they regret. it doesn't help anybody to have their mate constantly being upset about it. it makes it hard to get over and you'll end up causing a rift in your relationship that'll be difficult to repair. you're supposed to trust and respect each other in entirety, it is really difficult to have that kind of relationship with somebody who, when you tell them your darkest secrets, ruminates over it and makes you feel guilty about it.

I agree completely.

[Rock]

You are jealous.

How so? .

[vashti]

Well, you are either jealous or disgusted. Since you seem to want to keep the reationship intact, I worked it out by process of elimination.

Do you disagree? How would YOU describe your irrational feelings?

[Rock]

Well, you are either jealous or disgusted. Since you seem to want to keep the reationship intact, I worked it out by process of elimination.

Do you disagree? How would YOU describe your irrational feelings?

Well I am not disgusted. It seems to be more of a disturbed feeling. I would imagine if she said she had been in jail I would be feel similarly, knowing her character.

[misombra]

what do you want us to tell you rock?

[squirrley]

You fell in love with her for so many reasons. You have to let this one go or it could ruin your relationship. It's not fair to HER for you to bring it up or show insecurities about it. She'll start to resent you. Not to mention the fact this was way before your time. How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? It's in the past and that's where it should stay.