Cheated...

[Cain]

For me, it's about self-respect. I would never cheat because I'm not a cheater. It has nothing to do with who I'm with or what's going on in our relationship.

Well, that too. If I was in a relationship and I wanted to cheat, I'd know that the relationship was wrong and I would break it off. In my opinion, you shouldn't feel that temptation if you're in love with someone.

[Cain]

By the way, Twisted, regardless of whether it would hurt him or not, you need to tell him you cheated. That's the kind of secret he DESERVES to know and it'll be his choice on whether to take you back or not. That kind of dishonesty will kill your relationship.

[1averagejoe]

Just reading all this stuff really hurts me...my ex cheated on me and it tore me apart. It drove me crazy for months, it was hard functioning and just doing everyday things and to hear people try to justify cheating, is sad.

It's like trying to justify stealing a car...there's no reason to. If you can't afford one you take the bus or walk, you don't steal someone's, that's wrong.

If you're not satisfied with your relationship, end it. Don't go blowing it up and making them feel like complete shit. It's like putting an old dog out of misery. You don't set the dog on fire because he's in pain, you do it in a humane and painless way. Jesus...this thread really makes me sad. I can only pray I never date someone like you again.

[tooxshort]

Not only that, the trust issue doesn't just stop with you ... It lingers on to every woman that follows ... even I have trust issues to deal with at times.

[twisted]

Yes, pretty sad. But reality is that so many cheat. Millions every day. Many never even admit to it. You can decide not to cheat, but it's something that will always happen. Look at the muslims. For them it's against the law to commit adultery (someone earlier thought that would be a good idea). The punishment? Being stoned to death. They still do it. The thought of being burried up to their necks, with just their heads exposed as a bullseye for the people's stones doesn't prevent them from screwing around. It's in human's nature. Again, you can decide not to, you can decide to be the one who would throw the rocks at somebody else's head because they ****ed up. But you better bloody be sure as hell that it will never happen to you. Nobody can be so sure of themselves.

[Junket]

Yes, pretty sad. But reality is that so many cheat. Millions every day. Many never even admit to it. You can decide not to cheat, but it's something that will always happen. Look at the muslims. For them it's against the law to commit adultery (someone earlier thought that would be a good idea). The punishment? Being stoned to death. They still do it. The thought of being burried up to their necks, with just their heads exposed as a bullseye for the people's stones doesn't prevent them from screwing around. It's in human's nature. Again, you can decide not to, you can decide to be the one who would throw the rocks at somebody else's head because they ****ed up. But you better bloody be sure as hell that it will never happen to you. Nobody can be so sure of themselves.

If I ever cheat, I'd like to cheat with you, you're shameless.

[Cain]

Yes, pretty sad. But reality is that so many cheat. Millions every day. Many never even admit to it. You can decide not to cheat, but it's something that will always happen. Look at the muslims. For them it's against the law to commit adultery (someone earlier thought that would be a good idea). The punishment? Being stoned to death. They still do it. The thought of being burried up to their necks, with just their heads exposed as a bullseye for the people's stones doesn't prevent them from screwing around. It's in human's nature. Again, you can decide not to, you can decide to be the one who would throw the rocks at somebody else's head because they ****ed up. But you better bloody be sure as hell that it will never happen to you. Nobody can be so sure of themselves.

I can be so sure that I'll never cheat just as I can be so sure I'll never do heroine. I know it's wrong and I'm disgusted by the people that do it.

It may be in your nature to be a shameless, cheating tramp, but it's not in mine.

[twisted]

I would hope that you're not a tramp sweetie
lol

[Cain]

I would hope that you're not a tramp sweetie
lol

Tramp, manwhore.. same thing.

[IndiReloaded]

Some ppl choose to be what I call 'serial monogamists'. They don't formally cheat, but they go into relationships under false pretenses, with intent to get sex and then cut & run. I think the modern term is 'player'. Or they date ppl who they *know* they won't stay with, maybe as a rebound, or maybe b/c they are emotionally unavailable, say, being hung up on someone they can't ever have. Or any of a number of reasons. "Placeholder" is a term I learned here on LF; the idea had never even occurred to me before it was explained to me.

There are lots of ways to deceive. Cheating is just one variant. Humans are infinitely creative about it. So I wouldn't be too harsh in your judgement b/c chances are, unless you are perfect, you will at least be tempted by some variant of these in your lifetime.

Of course, what you do about it will be your proving. But until you've been through that particular fire, I'd be wary of making too harsh a judgement about others.

Just be aware that you can lie to others, or you can lie to yourself. The only difference is who you are lying to.

[vashti]

But you better bloody be sure as hell that it will never happen to you. Nobody can be so sure of themselves.

I agree with you here. No one knows unless they have been SERIOUSLY tempted. It's easy to say "Oh I would NEVER!" when you only have one, two three, five years in... The rest of you come and talk to me when you've done 15-20 years hard time.

[Mish]

For me, it's about self-respect. I would never cheat because I'm not a cheater. It has nothing to do with who I'm with or what's going on in our relationship.

I think cheating is about self destruction like putting a needle in your vain. I think what it really communicates is amount of self loathing the person feels for themselves. If you think about it how low must a person really feel to be repulsed by the one they are cheating on to the degree they go behind their back and at the same time so self hating that they to go back to that same person afterwards. I think anyone who has their own well being in mind (well being of others aside) won't do it.

P.S. I agree with Vash temptation can be hard to resist especially when relationship has ran out of steam.

[1averagejoe]

This whole thread turns me off from wanting to get into a relationship with someone. I know it's going to be hard for me to trust anyone in a relationship again even if they're innocent...it's a shame. I've lost that innocence and ability to fully trust I once had for my ex, and it's something I think will be very hard for me to get back. It's more than just having your heart torn out, it's damaging to a person's future relations.

Who are you fooling telling us that cheating is normal and ok? Sure ain't us...stop lying to yourselves and take a step back and look what you're doing to people. If someone isn't fulfilling your needs in a relationship, they don't deserve to be in that relationship, so dump them. They also don't deserve to be cheated on, deceived and lied to. God this is sad...are there any ladies out there that don't think cheating is ok? Karma's a bitch, just wait for your turn.

[vashti]

I think most of the women on this thread have aready said cheating is not okay.

[Cain]

I may not have 20 years into my relationship, but that doesn't mean I can't say I won't cheat.