Lost Man

[Cain]

Then there's nothing more you can do. Don't take the next step. If she can't help the relationship then she isn't worth it.

[Sensitive]

Then there's nothing more you can do. Don't take the next step. If she can't help the relationship then she isn't worth it.

Yes. We need to work together on that or it's game over.

I don't know what to do, let's first try to see all the possibilities before thinking to break up with her.

[lesa]

I agree with Cain. If she cannot take the next step to help the relationship then it will not work. I was there--a 7 year relationship, too.

[Sensitive]

Ok, everybody, here is a new information.

I bought her a ring because as I said in 2 months we're supposed to get engaged.
White gold with a big rock, the price approx $8.000.
She finds the diamond isn't shining enough, went to ask mom, she said it's superb, I have a certificate of authenticity of this Anvers diamond.

I'm going now to see a friend: a specialist in jewels to have another opinion.

She is making me crazy! And she is comparing her (... my) diamond to the ones some of her friends received from their husbands etc...
I'll be back in a few hours with an important opinion...
Expecting to read some reactions from you when I'll be back, then I'll see clearer in this life of mine and in the direction(s) it has to take.

[Sensitive]

I agree with Cain. If she cannot take the next step to help the relationship then it will not work. I was there--a 7 year relationship, too.

And what did you do? How did you do? Why did you do what you did...

The more ideas, informations you give me the better it is for me.

[bluesummer]

Ok, everybody, here is a new information.

I bought her a ring because as I said in 2 months we're supposed to get engaged.
White gold with a big rock, the price approx $8.000.
She finds the diamond isn't shining enough, went to ask mom, she said it's superb, I have a certificate of authenticity of this Anvers diamond.

I'm going now to see a friend: a specialist in jewels to have another opinion.

She is making me crazy! And she is comparing her (... my) diamond to the ones some of her friends received from their husbands etc...
.

Wow, she sounds awful. How do you put up with her being so materialistic?!? I would die from happiness if my bf bought me an $8,000 ring. I would be happy with a $500 ring, because I would just be so happy to be with him.

It sounds like she only wants you for money.

[Cain]

Wow, she sounds awful. How do you put up with her being so materialistic?!? I would die from happiness if my bf bought me an $8,000 ring. I would be happy with a $500 ring, because I would just be so happy to be with him.

It sounds like she only wants you for money.

Exactly. My gf doesn't care how much I spend. She's already told me that she doesn't want me spending a ton of money on a wedding ring. The fact that she's complaining about an $8,000 ring is horrendous. You really do need to move on.

[twisted]

Get the ring back and RUN

[someonelse]

dito to all the above. There's definately someone out there that's meant for you.

[Sensitive]

Ok; I'm back.
The guy told me the ring is awesome, he even showed me rings he offered to his wife and none was shiny like the one I bought.

Tomorrow, I will call the mother, ask her for a meeting, I'll tell her: "I don't have a missing eye or leg, no handicap, a lot of ladies want me, here is the ring I bought for your daughter, look at it, she didn't like it, to me this situation has to stop, talk with your daughter if you want".
I'll take back MY ring, and I'll go back home!

[1averagejoe]

**** that...return the ring. She's a bitch. Eight thousand freaking dollars, and she doesn't like it, holy shit. I'm sorry, but stop wasting your time on her, it's not worth it. Dump her, take the ring, and buy something for yourself. Do it! NOW!!!

[Mish]

She looks away when I kiss her,

Ask her why she does that

making love with her is a "problem" more than a pleasure.

Is it a problem for her or for you?

Criticizing her? She will criticize me back.

For every bit of criticism we say three positive things about the person. If you want to enjoy a good relationship, I advise you to follow that rule.

About the ring, that was a pretty bad reaction on her part, she sounds pretty selfish. But, I can tell you're in some kind of a panic mode. Why so full of anxiety? Relax. Don't do anything drastic. You've been 7 years with this woman you have some time to think this through. Talk to yourself first. What is it that you want? What is it that you're after? Are you after a guaranteed stable relationship after this? Is that what 8K ring was about? If yes, I can put your mind at ease, no matter what you do you won't be able to guarantee a flawless relationship without problems.

[lesa]

And what did you do? How did you do? Why did you do what you did...

The more ideas, informations you give me the better it is for me.

His problem was that he blamed others way too much for any and every little negative thing that happened to him…from his mother and me to a little toddler who dropped ice cream on the floor. He had a major anger problem too. It was affecting my mental health just listening to him. He also took me for granted. I told him all these things several times over the last 2 years of our relationship. We were engaged and he bought a house. I bought him a ~$4000 platform bed with memory foam for his back. He didn't appreciate it. He didn't know the purchase price for it until I asked him to pay me back after we broke up. He was shocked. It was somewhat a mutual breakup at that point because I started to resent him for his behavior and was no longer pleasant about his shortcomings. He wanted us to take a short break and I wanted to end it..so we decided to end it.

The break up was quick but really we had ended it spiritually about a year ago. We were like zombies that last year together so it really wasn't a good relationship at all at that point and the decision was not too difficult. I am sure he is probably a better man after all that training I have done, lol. So the next lady in his life will probably never see that side of him because he knows what it will do to a relationship he had that was once a happy one.

Your girlfriend is not going to learn from her behavior until in brings you all the way down to a conduct you never thought existed in you. I really didn't want to let go of my ex-fiance until we got extremely miserable together. I've learn a lot about myself too. I learn not to allow a man or anyone get me to that state again. I wanted to breakup two years before we actually did but didn’t want to let him go. I don’t understand why I waited until I became a lunatic before ending it. I will not let myself get to that point again. Your girlfriend will finally understand after something major and permanent happen with the relationship (no games..if you do a temporary breakup she will not get it and will still take you for granted). Love is more than finding qualities that you like about another (my ex was a very successful business man outside our relationship), it's about compatibility and you will know if you are compatible with a person. Never settle for less than compatibility…it is a must for a relationship to survive. Imagine the distance future…what do you want for the distance future and can you have that in your current relationship?

I am very, very happy now. I was afraid that I would not bounce back quickly after ending a 7 year relationship but I am a way better person now and am much wiser.

[Mish]

I don’t understand why I waited until I became a lunatic before ending it. I will not let myself get to that point again. Never settle for less than compatibility…it is a must for a relationship to survive. Imagine the distance future…what do you want for the distance future and can you have that in your current relationship?

It's a slippery slope and more of a question of how much is in the balance imo. On the one hand there must always be compatibility on the other no one can ever be 100% compatible so how much room do we allow for incompatibilities to exist? Arriving at that balance is the most difficult part in the equation I think. How much is too much and how much is not enough? After all my experience in relationships I wish I could answer that question.

[abetterus]

Honestly, this sounds like a relationship I was in for six years...exactly as you have discribed it!
I learned a lot of lessons, one is you give her everything,you can't say no and it will never stop...
I, like the other comments above, believe if she REALLY cared, REALLY felt the way she claims...then you wouldn't have to drag it out of her.
Get out...get out now...yesturday would not be soon enough...!