Turn One night stand into a Relationship?

[Cain]

Besides fighting to not become emotionally invested, I love this casual but exclusive relationship much better than the demands of my serious long term relationship. In fact, I would have married my ex if it was more like the relationship I have now. Living together and seeing his (oops, our) annoying habits for years lowered our desire for each other. My relationship now (although casual) is so much more intense than my LTR that I cannot imagine just living together and doing the mundane things that couples do daily. I would rather we live separate lives and meet each other for intense passion and adventure. I could really imagine doing that for life if only I could find a partner that agrees, remains exclusive and drama free. Of course, if children were in the picture or a more traditional marriage was needed or desired this scenario would not work.

If you don't plan to have kids than that relationship could work.

I like spending time with my girl though, but we're going to have to try to adapt to spending less time together so we don't get bored with one another.

[lesa]

I like spending time with my girl though, but we're going to have to try to adapt to spending less time together so we don't get bored with one another.

IMO, when we spend a lot of time together with our partner, we tend to take each other for granted, start finding things we don’t want to tolerate or find annoying about our partner and even think that the ‘grass is greener’ with someone else. When we are with someone and don’t require much of their attention those things usually do not exist. We never waste time on such things. Intimacy and romantic love increases but the problem is commitment for each other may not be there for long. It feels new and exciting every time we meet. I had a little of that in my other relationship before we moved in together. After living together, intimacy and romantic love was non-existing.

Your situation was not like that (living together) because it was a LDR but most people are not able to deal with distance very well. Unfortunately, I feel it is much more than meets the eye in your situation. There is much more to mine as well, I can guess. Your story does sound very familiar sometimes.

[Cain]

IMO, when we spend a lot of time together with our partner, we tend to take each other for granted, start finding things we don’t want to tolerate or find annoying about our partner and even think that the ‘grass is greener’ with someone else. When we are with someone and don’t require much of their attention those things usually do not exist. We never waste time on such things. Intimacy and romantic love increases but the problem is commitment for each other may not be there for long. It feels new and exciting every time we meet. I had a little of that in my other relationship before we moved in together. After living together, intimacy and romantic love was non-existing.

Your situation was not like that (living together) because it was a LDR but most people are not able to deal with distance very well. Unfortunately, I feel it is much more than meets the eye in your situation. There is much more to mine as well, I can guess. Your story does sound very familiar sometimes.

I think that there was just a combination of things in my relationship. I've posted a couple of updates in the "Part 2" thread that no one has responded to yet, but I think they all fit with what I've been thinking lately.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah, back home, I like to see my girlfriend three nights a week. That's perfect for me. It keeps the excitement. Moving in together in holds no appeal for me. We'd just end up arguing about shit like replacing the toilet roll. For me, Girlfriend = fun.

[Cain]

yeah, back home, I like to see my girlfriend three nights a week. That's perfect for me. It keeps the excitement. Moving in together in holds no appeal for me. We'd just end up arguing about shit like replacing the toilet roll. For me, Girlfriend = fun.

I've actually already started thinking about this.

If my ex and I do get back together, unless neither of us have any other options, I think it would be best if we both had our separate places for a year. We can still see each other on the weekends and a day or two during the week, but at least that way we'd have our own space.

I'm not going to take her back if we go on another break, so I'd like to do whatever I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.

[questiongirl]

Thanks, you guys are right. I've thought about all these issues you've mentiond. We do want to be exclusive and serious, although we started more than casual. If we started a LDR, we dont know when it's going to end.

He was apparently disappointed at my reation yesterday. I didn't see that question coming from him yesterday, so I was shocked and silent for about 5 minutes. I also didn't say anything in response to his comment about moving with me because I didn't feel like I was entitled to ask him to make such a change for me. The best suggestion I came up with was "can we see where it goes?" (he kind of laughed in a strange way after hearing that) I also said sth. like "do you think we moved too fast?" "maybe we'll find out that we're not compatible by the time I leave." ERHHH....today I woke up and thought about what I said yesterday, I wanted to slap myself on the mouth!! I must have sounded like I didn't care or I was a player. The reality is I'm head over heels.

He didn't ask me out this weekend. Maybe we should spend some time apart do some thinking. But I'm at my wit's end!!

[lesa]

He was apparently disappointed at my reation yesterday. I didn't see that question coming from him yesterday, so I was shocked and silent for about 5 minutes. I also didn't say anything in response to his comment about moving with me because I didn't feel like I was entitled to ask him to make such a change for me. The best suggestion I came up with was "can we see where it goes?" (he kind of laughed in a strange way after hearing that) I also said sth. like "do you think we moved too fast?" "maybe we'll find out that we're not compatible by the time I leave." ERHHH....today I woke up and thought about what I said yesterday, I wanted to slap myself on the mouth!! I must have sounded like I didn't care or I was a player. The reality is I'm head over heels.

Eek don't feel too badly, a similar thing happened to me about a month ago but was worded as if he didn't care. Now, that I look back, he may have been testing my reaction to see if I wanted more. I don't know. I reacted similar to you. I thought it was us girls that suppose to shock the guys with these things not the other way around!

[questiongirl]

As you know, we started one-night stand..then dated..then he asked where the relationship's going I basically said nowhere cuz I'm moving to Cali....

So, after that,he decided to see other ppl and I said fine(he looked but never went on any date). We kept seeing each other and having sex like once a week or so, but he never initiated it, it was always me. Now I'm leaving for Cali in a couple days so I stopped by to pick up some of my stuff at his place last weekend...before last weekend, his attitude was like "I'm just using you for sex," you know, sex then ignore me...but I got to his place, he started talking strange, saying you know you're beautiful, intelligent..and I know you really want a man, but you're sometimes naive so you should learn to use what you have to get a man when you are in Cali. I say this cuz I care for you. I was like I dont really need a man..then he's like yes you do, it's just that I don't want a relationship right now. I was like it's always you who kept mentioning the relationship thing, I never did. He's like O.K, but what do you want? I said I don't know. Then he's like is there anything about me you want to know? I said not right now. Then he said can I go to Cali to visit you? I said fine. Anyways, the whole night he was like a complete different person, took me out for dinner, then cuddled in front of the fire place, then we had the best sex (he went out of his way to please me, did things which he never did before). But the whole night he was behaving so strange, one min he's like saying I don't want a relationship, it's a bad timing for me, you're kind of high maintenaince and spoiled, blah,blah...then another minute he's like you're beautiful, I'm attracted to you cuz you're smart, you give me the perfect sex I've always wanted,blah,blah... Finally I was like I think you like me but you are trying to deny it, just admit you have a crush on me. He was lying down on the carpet with his eyes closed but he nodded. So,the next day he texted me "when you get situated there let me know, I'll book a trip to visit you." BTW, he also mentioned he wanted to go on this overseas trip with me later....

Anyways, I feel like we're like messing with each other's head...I don't know what he want from me, and I dont even know what I want. But I cant stop thinking of him since last weekend. What is this emotion between us? Could it be just lust? (it's been almost 6 months though. But from a sexual point, we're like a match made in heaven) Should I just cut contact with him once I moved??

[katya]

[QUOTE=GrkScorp;345889]







May I ask.., why would you even consider doing something like that?

Do you think it will make him want you more.., or do you secretly enjoy the feeling of being chased after.., desired.., wanted.., that you think it demonstrates?

Men 101:

- When a man wants you.., he will come up to you.., when you pull away once and at most twice.., he may persist.., but when you are running.., quiet.., ignoring him.., but secretly wanting him to chase.., then his actions from that point on.., imply the following about him:

1. If he is desperate.., he will continue to chase you to no end.., no.., it doesn't mean he loves you.., it doesn't mean you're so great that he can't help it.., it just means.., that in relation to him.., you are worth chasing.., you gave him some hope.., and because he's desperate.., he will do whatever he feels it will take to get you

2. If he isn't desperate.., he will stop.., realize what you're doing.., lose interest faster than you can say "wait! i'll stop.., I was just..".., and move on.. Not to imply that you're any less important or love-worthy.., just that he doesn't want to date women with the following personality trait:



What if she is shy? Also, sometimes women are just not interested (no games of any sort) and men, for some reason, still continue to pursue them. I have a couple of friends who decline an invitation after invitation because they do not see a potential with the willing male; however, most of them just keep on pursuing them even though my friends wish they were left alone.