This doesn't make sense.

[Silent Knife]

To have hot, sweaty sex with your girlfriend one night, and wake up the next morning convinced that you're gay.

I've been dealing with this for about 4 years now, going back and forth. Wondering if I am or not. But here's the thing:

I have never ever fantasized about men, and have never been intimate or ever thought that way about men. I've been with females only, and have a beautiful girlfriend who I love very much.

But the entire world views me as gay, co-workers, friends, even family. I've had my brother and my mom accuse me.

And it's never direct accusations, it's always a subliminal "homo" as i'm walking by someone, and I know it's just to see how I react. It's never just a direct "You're gay" to my face kind of thing. And of course, I just brush it off like I never even heard it, but honestly, it hurts. No offense to the gay community, it's just a mind-**** having the world view me completely different than I view myself. This is messing up my relationship too. I'm almost convinced that this is something my elaborate mind has put together just to mess with me.

I was born 1 month too late which leads me to believe I wasn't ready for this world, and I have always been a late bloomer. I have always felt that in my mind, I was 2 years behind. I am a piano genius, and can play literally, almost anything after the first time I hear it. (This is a natural talent, and costs me very little effort to achieve). I have always been known as a very nice guy, I always try to do the right thing, I honestly treat people as I want to be treated. Only thing is, 90% of the people I run into would not do the same for me what I would do for them.

I feel like the past 4 years, I have had a very hard time developing friendships with the male population because of the way they view me. It is most likely my mannerisms/body language, inability to hold solid conversations in social situations. Literally, I can be sitting at a table with 5 or 6 other people, and not feel comfortable saying one thing. I'd rather just sit back and listen. And it kills me that I feel I can not add anything, but that's how I am.

I just woke from a dream where I was smoking weed and was visiting my mom's house and she was like "what's wrong?" And I said "I have all kinds of stuff on my mind, a lot of thoughts etc." She said "Well, it's because you're gay."

I was shocked when I woke up, because just last night, I had the most passionate, love-making experience with my girlfriend I've ever had.
So I want to hear from gay men here, before you came out of the closet, were you attracted to males? Were you actually fantasizing about them? Because that's the only thing that hasn't happened to me that would convince me that i'm gay.

This is not making sense to me at all.

[shh!]

If you aren't attracted to males, I don't know how you could possibly be gay.

That said, I think there is a wide range of human behavior (and sexual attraction) - strictly gay on one extreme, and strictly hetero on the other. You are probably just in a less extreme place on the continuuum. I know straight males that are this way.

I think you need to develop more confidence in who you are... How old are you?


BTW - your mom and brother sound like assholes.

[Cain]

If you aren't attracted to males, I don't know how you could possibly be gay.

That said, I think there is a wide range of human behavior (and sexual attraction) - strictly gay on one extreme, and strictly hetero on the other. You are probably just in a less extreme place on the contiuuum. I know straight males that are this way.

I think you need to develop more confidence in who you are... How old are you?


BTW - your mom and brother sound like assholes.

Yeah, I'm not quite sure how you could be gay if you aren't attracted to men. If people are judging you based on how you act and how you dress, maybe you should change those things about you if you don't like the views that people have. Either that or just say "f*ck it" and do what you want to do.

And yes, your mom and brother do sound like assholes.

[Silent Knife]

no no no, don't get me wrong. my brother and my mom are awesome, they're not the ones that say "homo" when they walk by me, those are co-workers, etc.

My mother is very loving and she has told me "Honey, I wouldn't care if you were gay. I mean, you are a really, really nice guy. I wouldn't be surprised if you were." And to which I replied "Nah, i'm not into guys mom." And she said "ok." Done deal. My brother's story was a little different, we were at my birthday party and someone said "we need a piece of fruit" and my brother said "Well, we have him" and everyone laughed. I mean, it was a joke, but I just can't believe my brother, who knows me better than anyone on the planet would think that.

Maybe I have a lack of confidence, mainly because I don't follow sports, sure I don't do a lot of manly things, but that doesn't necessarily mean i'm gay.

It's not a huge deal, it's just a pain in the ass when i'm talking to someone and while i'm talking to them i'm thinking "God dammit, they think i'm gay. This is lame."

And I'm 24, and I dress like a man. Jeans, T-shirts, VANS. Actually I dress like a skater because I skated for like 9 years.

I think maybe the reason is because i'm a huge musician, and that's pretty much all I do. Just play and write and compose, I don't give a **** about sports or watching injuries or anything.

[Gigabitch]

Neither does my boyfriend, and he's accused of being gay occasionally. He takes it as a compliment, actually. He knows it's because he's cleaner, better-dressed, and possessed of better taste than the average male. It doesn't trip him out at all, nor does it bother me.

Have you thought about spending some time outside of whateve podunk town you're living in?

[Silent Knife]

you mean the podunk town called New York City? No, because I pretty much have everything I need here.

[zoso]

You're just an effeminate male, there's nothing wrong with that.

Unfortunately, society is hard on those that don't fit the traditional stereotype of... well, anything really. I think because you feel awkward in social situations, and aren't entirely comfortable, you take the typical fake-homo jokes a little hard.
Your girlfriend knows you like her and that you're not gay. But most importantly, you know this too! If someone doesn't believe you, well oh well. They can shove it up their butt, cause you know yourself better then anyone ever will.



Also, and this is strictly a theory:
I think because you have some kind of a social phobia, it makes you hyper-aware of yourself when you're in a social situation. When someone, even lightly, makes a joke about you, you take it literally. And since most of the jokes have to do about your effeminate nature (something that you have learned to be ashamed of) you have convinced yourself that it is true. You know it isn't really true... but a part of you believes it to be. Otherwise, why would they be making fun of you? Thus, you must be gay! Right?

Wrong. As I said earlier, you alone know yourself better then anyone. Don't let their comments get to you. Be confident! Learn to love yourself.

[Tone]

So your brother made 1 little fruit joke, and you had a DREAM where your mom called you gay... but you say they both have accused you of being gay..? Or is there more to those stories?

Anyways, why don't you just ask your g/f or mom or someone close to you what you do that puts off these gay vibes. If it's bothering you so much, find out what it is that makes you seem this way (and no it's not because you are quiet at the table) and do something about it.

If it bothers you so much that ppl see you as gay stop doing whatever it is that puts out those vibes.

[Mish]

So. If the entire world thinks you're gay, pretend you're gay. Have some fun with it. Get these stereotypes out in the open so everyone can feel more comfortable.

Ask your most stereotypical co-workers if they are checking you out or if they are planning to ask you out any time soon. As long as you know who you are nothing else is important.

[Rosie]

Do people think you're gay because you are not "masculine?" If you are not attracted to men, and you have never thought of yourself as gay, then you're not gay.
I had a friend in high school who was feminine to say the least..he liked britney spears and would even sing karoke to her songs. But at the same time he had a crush on me and I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't homosexual.
Just because people try to label you doesn't mean you are what they say. All I am hearing is that your family and coworkers don't understand you. I can see what you mean though, and it must be hard to have people close to you play with your head like that. And now it is affecting your relationship with your girlfriend.
All in all, you don't sound gay. You are a natural piano player, and maybe you have mannerisms that make people question your sexuality, but at the end of the day, only you know whether you are attracted to men or women.