Hello

[Sandpiper]

Hi, I never expected to post on a forum like this but I'm here anyway. I'm 33(almost 34), and male. I've had no experiences in relationships with women. In fact, I'm a virgin. For some reason(s) which I don't fully understand, my lack of a love life has been getting to me as of late. Not sure whether this forum can help or not, but we'll see.

[Tone]

Welcome, why don't you make a thread about what seems to be the problem.

There are a lot of insightful ppl on this forum who will be able to offer you some interesting perspectives on your situation!

[Sandpiper]

well, I might do that. Problem is, I don't know where to start. My problems are many and complicated.

[Illusional]

you can always buy pussy... anyhow, what do you think is it in your life that is lacking??

raverboy

[Sandpiper]

you can always buy pussy

I don't have the money for that, and I wouldn't even if I did. Besides, I'm looking for more than sex. I need companionship. In fact, I'm probably going to wait until I get married to have sex . . . If I ever get married that is.

anyhow, what do you think is it in your life that is lacking??

I could create a very long list of the things my life lacks. I have no friends and as I said before, zero love life(I've never even kissed a girl). I'm not rich, have no social skills. I'm very shy. I'm not attractive, I'm overweight and my hair is thinning. I'm a nerd. Oh yeah, I still live my parents. I suppose I could move and live very simply, but then I'd be alone. I already feel lonely enough. Also as my parents are aging, they'll need me more and more. My life is basically a failure. I really don't think any of you can help, I needed to get these things off my chest. An incident at the workplace kind brought this stuff to the surface. Perhaps, I will create another thread to talk about that.

[Illusional]

hrmm...it seems that you're at the bottom of the barrel huh?? either that, or you just have a really negative outlook on life. first.. i guess you took my pussy comment a little too serious. it's ok, you are total strangers and you don't know how i am.

secondly, you seriously have no friends?? maybe it's because you closed off the world and only associate with your parents.

believe it or not, there is always a chance for people to fall in love. my uncle was in a similar situation. he's on the larger side, and he was the sole provider for my grandmother. he felt like he was the only one taking care of her because he still had to live at home. keep in mind she had one leg which didn't really help the situation. anyhow, she passed a while back, and when he had all this free time, he finally found someone who he married... they are a bit old to have children, but nonetheless, they are happy.

you have to change your outlook on life because you are right. no one will help you do it, it's all up to you.

raverboy

[Tone]

I could create a very long list of the things my life lacks. I have no friends and as I said before, zero love life(I've never even kissed a girl). I'm not rich, have no social skills. I'm very shy. I'm not attractive, I'm overweight and my hair is thinning. I'm a nerd. Oh yeah, I still live my parents. I suppose I could move and live very simply, but then I'd be alone. I already feel lonely enough. Also as my parents are aging, they'll need me more and more. My life is basically a failure. I really don't think any of you can help, I needed to get these things off my chest.

Almost everything you listed YOU can do something about.

If these things really bother you as much as you claim, do some research, find out what YOU can do to change them.

Learn more about improving social skills. Start looking at exercising & diet routines. Start to think about being more independent and moving out.

And MOST importantly - STOP thinking your life is a failure.

Life sucks for EVERYONE. There is nothing special or extroardinary about your situation. Everybody can find reasons to bitch about life, and most of the time they would be justified - cause like I said - life sucks for everyone.

BUT... life really is what you make of it man. You can focus on the negative aspects and sulk and be alone the rest of your life. Or you can look on the brighter side of things and be PRO-ACTIVE in changing the things you don't like about your life.

The more obstacles in the way of finding your own happiness, the greater the reward becomes. Think about if you do get off your ass, put in some work... and then 3 months... 8 months... 2 years later you can look back at what a sad sop you use to be, and it makes it just that much more rewarding! Because you had to go through THAT much more to get to where you wanna be.

It's not going to be easy, and the hardest step will be making the decision that you do want more for yourself and then committing to that. You CAN do this though.

Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

[Sandpiper]

i guess you took my pussy comment a little too serious. it's ok, you are total strangers and you don't know how i am.

sorry about that. I'll learn.

secondly, you seriously have no friends?? maybe it's because you closed off the world and only associate with your parents.

probably true. It also has to do with the fact the I teased and bullied in my youth at school. It turned me into a social outcast.

you have to change your outlook on life because you are right. no one will help you do it, it's all up to you.

you're right, but its easier to say than to do.

Almost everything you listed YOU can do something about.

same as the above.

Learn more about improving social skills.

I've tried before and all I wind up doing is making a fool of myself.

Start looking at exercising & diet routines.

I am seriously consider this.

Start to think about being more independent and moving out.

that would be very difficult. I'd be very lonely by myself and my parents as they get older are going to need me more and more. not to mention fact that I don't exactly have a lot of money right now.

And MOST importantly - STOP thinking your life is a failure.

I'd love to do that, except its the truth.

Life sucks for EVERYONE.

true, there's a lot of people with worse problems than mine.

There is nothing special or extroardinary about your situation.

I don't know about that. I can't believe there are that many 33 year old male virgins out there(that aren't priests).

BUT... life really is what you make of it man. You can focus on the negative aspects and sulk and be alone the rest of your life. Or you can look on the brighter side of things and be PRO-ACTIVE in changing the things you don't like about your life.

easy to say, hard to do.

The more obstacles in the way of finding your own happiness, the greater the reward becomes. Think about if you do get off your ass, put in some work... and then 3 months... 8 months... 2 years later you can look back at what a sad sop you use to be, and it makes it just that much more rewarding! Because you had to go through THAT much more to get to where you wanna be.

It's not going to be easy, and the hardest step will be making the decision that you do want more for yourself and then committing to that.

this all true, and I will seriously consider what you are saying.

You CAN do this though.

I'm afraid the jury's still out on that one. It would be very difficult to make myself believe that.

Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

truth.

[Kiechi]

Fantastic advice, Tone.

[Illusional]

that's a lot of quoting to do in one thread... it does show your age and your essay skills... see there are always hidden talents that other lack. me?? i would never have the patience to do all that quoting because i'm a lazy f*ck.

anyways, i don't think that you should move out and live on your own. you probably need the support and comfort of your family and they also depend on you so you're only shooting yourself in the foot.

most of what you did say is something that could change. you have to learn to build up your self confidence with persistence... if you want something bad enough, then it will happen.

raverboy

[Shania]

wish you luck..everyone has his own secretcs.

[Gribble]

Okay. Here's what you do:

Step one, shave your head. A shaved head is a fashion statement. One quick buzz and you've quite literally shed one of your insecurities.

Step two, lose the weight. You have no idea what an enormous difference losing that weight will have on your life. You can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to go out and run five miles and know you could run five more. It's painful. Incredibly painful. And it's difficult, but getting in shape will change your life. You'll feel capable of anything. And that confidence you get can be applied to all aspects of your life. You'll be shocked at what you're capable of if you adopt a positive self-image. Rent Rocky. Wake up bright and early every morning. Play the Rocky Montage as you slip into your sweat pants and gym shoes. Go out and run. Run until you can't. Take note of where you stopped. Next day run a few yards further. Don't worry if you're huffing and puffing before you make it out of the driveway. Don't beat yourself up for sucking horribly. Just keep pushing yourself that little bit further each day. In one measly little summer you'll make such a vast improvement you'll be absolutely astonished.

Step 3, move out. You live with your parents? I'm guessing you didn't go to college. Or maybe you did but nothing came of it. Get a job that pays decent scratch and move in with a roommate. Then see about taking night or internet courses. Get an associates in something. Nerd? Get A+ certified and all that crap. Start working on computers and making some dough.

Step 4, make friends. This will be an incredibly easy step if you accomplish the above.

Quit thinking you're socially inept. Change the aspects of your body that you find unappealing. Learn to love the aspects you can't change. Build your confidence. Make some friends. Get a woman and live happily ever after. It ain't easy. Not in the least bit. But you can do it if you try. And really, all you need to do is lose that weight and the rest should be a piece of cake. That alone will completely turn your life around.

Or, y'know, spend the rest of your life moping and feeling bad for yourself. That's the easy route. And probably the one you'll take. And it's a shame.

P.S. Your parents aren't your responsibility. And if you get your life on straight you'll be doing them a hell of a lot of good. I'm fairly certain they'd much rather see their son happy rather than rotting in their home. They'd probably love nothing more than for you to find a woman, get hitched and make a few grandchildren for them.

[Mish]

Most importantly believe in yourself. If you believe you will succeed then you will succeed. If you believe that you'll fail then you'll fail.

[shh!]

I'm fairly certain they'd much rather see their son happy rather than rotting in their home. They'd probably love nothing more than for you to find a woman, get hitched and make a few grandchildren for them.

Yes! I agree. Give them some peace of mind so they can eventually die without worrying about who is going to take care of you. Besides, they can't be all that old...

[Sandpiper]

Step one, shave your head.

there is no way the I'm going to shave my head. That look, just isn't me.


Gribble, getting a woman or friends isn't exactly as easy as you make it sound. I AM socially inept. Its a fact. Actually, I own Rocky on VHS.

there seems to be disagreement on whether I should move out or not.

P.S. Your parents aren't your responsibility.

how can that possibly be, what with all they've done for me? I owe them.

Shh!, as for the ages of my parents, my mom is 65 and my dad is 74. My dad has heart disease and diabetes, so who knows how much longer he'll live. Then, if I left, mom would be alone.