Manipulating Men?

[Asparagoose]

This e-mail has been going around the office and I just thought I should share.

[url]http://www.socyberty.com/Men/The-Main-Ways-Women-Manipulate-Men.154223[/url]

I didn't think much of it, because most guys who have experience with relationships and the opposite sex quickly dismiss such women as soon as they start to notice such behavior. What really bothered me was when I asked some co-workers around the office about the e-mail. It's was almost sad and disgusting to listen to some of the things they had to say.

"This is stuff my mom taught me when I was like 14."

"You usually learn as you go, and others girls help out."

"There's nothing wrong with it, guys manipulate women all the time so we need to maintain control over guys somehow or else they'll go crazy and stop respecting you or treating you right."

The first thing I was thinking was that I don't really know any guys who manipulate women. Maybe I just don't really manipulate women so that's why I feel that way. I have heard of guys being abusive and lying, but every time I hear stories like that I find them absolutely crazy. I can't imagine ever hitting a woman or being abusive. It's totally disrespectful. I know I'm not the only guy who feels this way. Most men would never do this with a woman they love and respect. And that's why reading that upset me so much.

From everyone I've been talking to, it just seems that women don't seem to see anything wrong with this. They all seem to find ways to justify it. Respect and love go out the window. It's as if they see every guy as some manipulative jerk. Or maybe they just expect the guy to compromise and exploit the love and respect he has towards her to get whatever she wants out of him. Maybe it's just the women in my office. They do all work in lower income positions and not to sound racist, but are mostly minorities or white trailer trash.

I'm dating someone now, and I am in love. I love my girlfriend to death. Anything I do, I do it because I want to do it. I want to treat her like my queen. She's honest, classy, ladylike, genuine, and hardworking. She's such a strong and mature woman, and I feel she has the same level of love and respect towards me. I feel she's worthy of having everything I have to offer to her. I do respect her and feel she's an outstanding woman. When she's upset, I'm upset. If she needs something, I want to get it for her or do it for her. And because we love each other so much, yes, we want to have sex together. I just think all of this stuff is natural. Not just for me, but for any normal guy. I would hate to imagine that she disrespects all the love and respect I have for her, and takes advantage of me or manipulates me to just get what she wants.

I posted this in the "Ask a Female" section, but guys can feel free to leave their input too. Maybe my office just has a bad sample of women. I'm open to that possibility. I guess I have a couple of questions.

* Do all women feel that there is nothing wrong or disrespectful about this?
* Do all women think of all men as manipulative jerks?
* How exactly do women believe men take advantage of or manipulate them?
* Is this advice you give or get from/to your girlfriends or from your parents?
* Do you feel that any manipulation between a couple is ever justified?
* If you are with someone you truly love and respect, how can you not feel the least bit guilty about even thinking about taking advantage of them or manipulating them?
* If anyone from any gender takes advantage of or manipulates their partner, what does it say about that person?

Thanks!

[Cain]

The first thing I want to say is you can't manipulate a manipulator. I know all of the tricks and the first time I see my gf trying to do it to me, we're going to have a talk.

Also, though these tricks are a bit manipulating, I don't really consider them masters of manipulation for using these. Most men know that their women are using these tricks to get the men to do what they want, but oftentimes they just don't care. I won't deal with a girl that does this stuff.

Luckily, I found a woman that won't do these things. I was walking with her and told her we shouldn't have sex three months before our wedding so we can save something for the honeymoon and she thought I was crazy. She countered my offer with an offer of three days. She wants it just as much as I do, so I know sex won't be a tool for her in our relationship.

She doesn't want to guilt me and she's never tried. She doesn't want me to do something if I don't want to. If she has a problem with something I've done, she'll tell me. She might whine sometimes, but all women do it, and she stops when I figure out what the problem is. She's basically not the decision maker. I make most of the decisions... even though I don't want to. When it comes to deciding what we do, where we go, what movie we watch... I decide it all... because she doesn't want to. She never tries to guilt me into anything.

Not all women use these stupid little tricks. In my opinion, it's only the immature women or younger girls that do this. Eventually, after years of failures at relationships, they stop. Either that, or the woman finds a man like the author of the article who isn't a pussy and doesn't put up with it. It's the men that are absolute pussies that fall for these tricks... so afraid to do something their woman won't like so they don't go in the doghouse.

[shh!]

I don't act like that, nor do any of my female friends. I haven't taught my daughter to behave this way, either, so I don't think it should be assumed that this is normal behavior, even though I suppose some women do behave this way.

You know, women aren't really the enemy. We all have fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, sons, etc., thyat we would hate to see treated this way, and I think that most of us just want to get along.

[Asparagoose]

You know, women aren't really the enemy.

I know shh! It's one of those generalizations that I disagree with. It's wrong to group women as being manipulative or men as being jerks. I do agree that all we both want is to get along.

I just can't understand the mentality of these women in my office which don't see anything wrong with it. Maybe they're all dating assholes or have a general mistrust of men, so they feel it's necessary. But what frustrates me is the possibility that some of these women are dating great guys who love them and respect them. Men who would treat them like a queen. And in return, these women feel no reservations about treating these guys like tools.

I took it quite personally, because it describes my last relationship. Yes, I'm aware that I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Even though i'm aware of these things now and would not let people like that into my life, it still bothers me how people can even dare to justify these things.

Maybe it has something to do with women in lower level administrative positions?

[Asparagoose]

Luckily, I found a woman that won't do these things.

Me too!

When we both met, we thought we were dreaming. She even told me over and over again that she couldn't believe she found someone like me, that other guys she met were all assholes and how rare it is to meet someone like me. I disagree, only because i'm a guy and talk to a lot of guys and know that the majority of men aren't assholes at all, if anything it's actually the assholes that are rare, guys like me are pretty common.

I felt the same way about her, and I guess it's also true about women too. The majority of women are really nice. I don't believe it's rare to find a woman who has respect and the right idea of what it means to be in a relationship with someone you love. If anything, it's rare to find a manipulative and disrespectful women. It's also very see-through, you have to be blind to not pick up on it. So I don't think it's fair to treat anyone like something they're not just because there are some bad people in the population. That's being both paranoid and unfair to a genuinely great person who doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I'd much rather avoid getting hurt, than sitting there and hurting someone who doesn't deserve it.

[bluesummer]

Maybe it has something to do with women in lower level administrative positions?

No, women in higher level positions can be even more manipulative....they're women of power who expect to get what they want. So I don't think position means anything.



* Do all women feel that there is nothing wrong or disrespectful about this? No. Obviously we don't all think the same.

* Do all women think of all men as manipulative jerks? How exactly do women believe men take advantage of or manipulate them? Again, no. However, a lot of them are. Men are manipulative too....just to get different things. Usually sex. I've been manipulated for money, too.

* Is this advice you give or get from/to your girlfriends or from your parents? Hell no. My mother raised me better. I do have gfs that manipulate their husbands, but their husbands DO see right through it, and just choose to go along with it. That is their choice.

* Do you feel that any manipulation between a couple is ever justified? No.

* If you are with someone you truly love and respect, how can you not feel the least bit guilty about even thinking about taking advantage of them or manipulating them? I personally could never justify it. I adore my bf and would never degrade him in such a manner.

* If anyone from any gender takes advantage of or manipulates their partner, what does it say about that person? To me, it says they don't respect their partner or their partner's intelligence level. It also means you are selfish, because you are willing to disrespect someone you love just to have your own way.

[Cain]

Me too!

When we both met, we thought we were dreaming. She even told me over and over again that she couldn't believe she found someone like me, that other guys she met were all assholes and how rare it is to meet someone like me. I disagree, only because i'm a guy and talk to a lot of guys and know that the majority of men aren't assholes at all, if anything it's actually the assholes that are rare, guys like me are pretty common.

I felt the same way about her, and I guess it's also true about women too. The majority of women are really nice. I don't believe it's rare to find a woman who has respect and the right idea of what it means to be in a relationship with someone you love. If anything, it's rare to find a manipulative and disrespectful women. It's also very see-through, you have to be blind to not pick up on it. So I don't think it's fair to treat anyone like something they're not just because there are some bad people in the population. That's being both paranoid and unfair to a genuinely great person who doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I'd much rather avoid getting hurt, than sitting there and hurting someone who doesn't deserve it.

Though it might not be hard to find a woman that has ideals when it comes to relationships, it's rare to find someone that fits the mold of your perfect girl. That's what I find amazing... the fact that I found a girl that fits EVERYTHING I look for. Before her, my longest relationship was three months. I could NOT stay with one girl for long because she'd do something to annoy me. This girl I'm with... it's just too perfect. It's like she's me with boobs.

[shh!]

I think the women in your office are resorting to hyperbole, asparagoose. They probably experienced bad relationships in the recent past and are still a little bitter.

[Pears]

Yeah, I was going to say that the women in your office had bad relationships.

I used to be a bit manipulative during my first relationship because my mom taught me that it's the only way to win. However, that didn't work at all and the guy actually manipulated me even worse than I did to him. The relationship ended terribly and I incredibly hate that guy.

I've grown quite a bit and currently have a stable relationship that's lasting for a long time. At first, I tried using the same tactics, but I realized that it was wrong because my boyfriend was so kind and honest. He was such a good person that it really influenced me to change.

[Asparagoose]

Yeah, I was going to say that the women in your office had bad relationships.

Who hasn't been in bad relationships? Everyone gets hurt at some point in their life. That's no excuse to be going around and doing this.

[me_love_u]

* Do all women feel that there is nothing wrong or disrespectful about this?
* Do all women think of all men as manipulative jerks?
* How exactly do women believe men take advantage of or manipulate them?
* Is this advice you give or get from/to your girlfriends or from your parents?
* Do you feel that any manipulation between a couple is ever justified?
* If you are with someone you truly love and respect, how can you not feel the least bit guilty about even thinking about taking advantage of them or manipulating them?
* If anyone from any gender takes advantage of or manipulates their partner, what does it say about that person?

Thanks!

* I personally feel its wrong to do that to anybody but not all women think its wrong.
* My uncle/cousin/brother are men and they are very nice. No, not all men are jerks until they make mistakes. lol
* Various from girl, I would suggest name calling, fear and harsh comments.
* My mama taught me better then that. Respect him is respecting yourself.
* Well only if its not serious, tricking him to pay for ice cream is not that terrible. Or atleast I think I tricked him.
* I am not gonna judge but they might be needy.

[Cain]

* I personally feel its wrong to do that to anybody but not all women think its wrong.
* My uncle/cousin/brother are men and they are very nice. No, not all men are jerks until they make mistakes. lol
* Various from girl, I would suggest name calling, fear and harsh comments.
* My mama taught me better then that. Respect him is respecting yourself.
* Well only if its not serious, tricking him to pay for ice cream is not that terrible. Or atleast I think I tricked him.
* I am not gonna judge but they might be needy.

Name calling and harsh comments isn't manipulation.

[me_love_u]

Name calling and harsh comments isn't manipulation.

It various from girl to girl, to me that is. Calling a girl a name then asking her to do something is manipulation and so is harsh comments on her. The girl then feels bad/guilty and do what the guy wants.
However its different for all girls.

[Cain]

It various from girl to girl, to me that is. Calling a girl a name then asking her to do something is manipulation and so is harsh comments on her. The girl then feels bad/guilty and do what the guy wants.
However its different for all girls.

That still isn't manipulation... it's just the guy being an asshole. Manipulation is where you can get someone to do something without it being obvious that you're doing it. The situation you described is simply convincing.

[misombra]

* Do all women feel that there is nothing wrong or disrespectful about this?

-a woman who does those things is only hurting herself.

* Do all women think of all men as manipulative jerks?

-no. but some people are manipulative. all genders.

* How exactly do women believe men take advantage of or manipulate them?

-a lot of guys will say and do anything to get sex. nothing else.

* Is this advice you give or get from/to your girlfriends or from your parents?

-no. advice to me, and my advice to others, is to be aware that there are crazy people out there. and not to get caught up in some web of manipulation.

* Do you feel that any manipulation between a couple is ever justified?

-yes. but in most instances it's better just to say what's on your mind.

* If you are with someone you truly love and respect, how can you not feel the least bit guilty about even thinking about taking advantage of them or manipulating them?

-cause you got them to do what you wanted them to do.

* If anyone from any gender takes advantage of or manipulates their partner, what does it say about that person?

it depends.


Thanks!

-you're welcome.

_____________________________________________