He Wants to Marry, But We Have Problems

[allie021]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and half years and living together for 1 year and a half. He said that things were not working out and that we had compatabliity issues. He is 26 and I am 23, he wants to marry by the time he is 30 and settle down and have more children. He has one child from his first marriage. He thinks that I am not a good step-mother to his daughter, when I do everything for her and then he does not like it when I get moody after work sometimes. He said that if I work these issues out, maybe we could have a future. I feel that everything is being blamed on me, when I pointed out to him that he had qualities that I did not appreciate either, but I accepted him for the way that he is. I feel that he treats me different, but he is slowly going back to his old ways of treating me. Help me. What should I do. i feel that I am on probation.

[shh!]

Step parenting is very challenging, and is almost always better handled by someone older and more experienced with children than you are.

If he feels you aren't good with his daughter, he should definitely NOT marry you. Sorry hun, but his child's welfare *should* be more important to him than you are, and he should not compromise. That is what being a responsible parent is all about.

[Cain]

Eh, you're too young to be a step-mom in my opinion. You should be able to live your life and your first parenting experience should be with your own child.

[IndiReloaded]

Allie, we can tell you are immature b/c of the questions you are asking. Someone who was mature would ask different ones.

You're not going to like this response, I know. And, no, I'm not going to tell you what I *think* you should be asking; b/c that particular realization needs to come from within you.

Your BF has his priorities exactly right. And if he is concerned you aren't good for his daughter, tough. You should be pleased he is so responsible.

Imagine that this man is trying to decide, if he were to marry you, whether you would be the person he would want to be responsible for his daughter's welfare if, god forbid, something were to happen to him. That's what you are considering signing up for, btw, not just some blissful marriage fantasy.

Think about it.

[bluesummer]

His child is number one priority, period. If he doesn't like the way you are with her, then it's his right to feel that way....it's his CHILD.

What women in relationships with children never seem to get is that they will always be number two in the relationship. If you aren't okay with being second priority, then don't marry him.

[Pears]

Marry someone without kids. Kids get in the way.