plz help

[missinglinkisp]

Best news I've heard all week.

I love how this simian who can barely string together a sentence (and what few he manages are riddled with obscenities) has the audacity to claim he isn't immature and everyone else is an insulting jerkoff.

Bravo.

no thats not insulting at all

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, this is a troll. See ya, troll.

[missinglinkisp]

Vash is a saint if she even answers this tard. I can't be bothered except to be amused.

Maybe if he apologizes to her, that might help.

vash =shh ? and what should i apoligize for? first thing she says when she hears the age is that it will never work....that is a stupid thing to say. the relationship and how we get along is what will say if it lasts or not......her age is un important. i will how ever say im sorry for just saying **** you to shh....that was harsh.

[missinglinkisp]

I thought you weren't going to post on this crapfest. What happened to that declaration?

i was asked a question....i responded,just like this to your question.

[IndiReloaded]

Va(shh) is one of the more thoughtful, experienced posters on this board. She gives great advice, but not always what you want to hear. But the best sites on the web won't sugar coat what you sometimes need to know. That is, afterall, why you posted here, yes?

There IS a person at the other end of those electrons, so if you want to benefit from the experience on this board, and there is a lot, then be appreciative of what you are told. Try to keep an open mind & don't go all stupid when you read something you don't like.

[missinglinkisp]

Va(shh) is one of the more thoughtful, experienced posters on this board. She gives great advice, but not always what you want to hear. But the best sites on the web won't sugar coat what you sometimes need to know. That is, afterall, why you posted here, yes?

There IS a person at the other end of those electrons, so if you want to benefit from the experience on this board, and there is a lot, then be appreciative of what you are told. Try to keep an open mind & don't go all stupid when you read something you don't like.

i posted here to get help,and i thought people would give me pointers of what i should do......i was wondering if i had done something wrong,or what i should do in the future etc.....and yes some of you have been helpful. however i dont take kindly to the age thing or people saying to leave her because shes older....i also dont like being called names. i do apoligize for cursing,and i do admit i was a bit harsh......even more so with vash. i do like to hear your oppinions and advice....but plz dont tell me to end it just because of age........it helps nothing.

[Junket]

If you've been raising your own kid since you were 16, then I would see validation in your ability to assist in raising her children.

Usually, with age comes experience.

But you have no experience here that you've made known.

So, it still stands that your age, and lack of experience are very much a factor here.

Where do you live?

With whom do you live?

What do you do for work?

How much do you get paid?

Do you have insurance?

Do you have a reliable means of transportation?

Will you be able to support the health insurance of 3 other people?

What kind of social life do you have?

On top of that, what would her family think of you two?

What would your family think of you two?

These are the kind of questions you should have concrete answers to.

[missinglinkisp]

Where do you live?

this is a rental, i will be living with my gf,soon,she says she wants me there.......i said maybe i should wait a bit longer before moving in and she cryd,she says she doesnt want that,and thats not what she meant by the facebook thing,after talking about it i will still move in.

What do you do for work?

How much do you get paid?

i answered that already.

Do you have a reliable means of transportation?

i just bought a brand new subaru wagon.

Will you be able to support the health insurance of 3 other people?

yes.

What kind of social life do you have?

i have her,she has me.........thats all we both have.she is just like me in that way.

On top of that, what would her family think of you two?

her family loves me.

What would your family think of you two?

what family? her and the kids are my family. my mom likes her,they get along fine.......the rest of my fam is crap and bad people.

[Cain]

Honestly, I'm a little worried about you saying that she's the only social life you need. You need to have a social life outside of her... you need somewhere to escape to.

[Junket]

Then it doesn't matter what we say.

Just consider, she'll be getting old and wrinkly in not-too-many years, and her energy level will depreciate much sooner than yours. Yes, physical attraction matters. Sex matters.

Secondly, you better be a good f*cking father and not skip out on these kids. Young children don't need men coming and going in their lives, it f*cks them up, and can create resentment towards their mother.

You're in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Everything in fresh and new and interesting, but I can assure you, once routine sets in, if you're not careful, you'll get bored and stressed out quickly. This is not about her, in fact it never was. It was always about the kids and always will be.

Moving in now, is possibly the worst thing you could do.

Not to mention, in some states, if you've provided for a child long enough, even if you're not married, even if they're not your kids and you break up? You may be obligated to pay child support. You better look up your local laws.

[Cain]

Not to mention, in some states, if you've provided for a child long enough, even if you're not married, even if they're not your kids and you break up? You may be obligated to pay child support. You better look up your local laws.

This is a VERY good point. However, from what I've seen in the laws, it would only go into effect if they were married. If you get married, however, and you two are together for a while and the kid's father isn't around, you might be obligated to pay child's support.

And as mentioned, you're in the honeymoon stage. It lasts for a year... even as far as two. You need to make sure this is what you want because once you have a child with her, there's no leaving. You might regret it in 2 years whether you think so now or not.

[missinglinkisp]

Honestly, I'm a little worried about you saying that she's the only social life you need. You need to have a social life outside of her... you need somewhere to escape to.

well i do spend time on myspace and things with online friends does that count?

Then it doesn't matter what we say.

Just consider, she'll be getting old and wrinkly in not-too-many years, and her energy level will depreciate much sooner than yours. Yes, physical attraction matters. Sex matters.

i know, she looks very young. and even if she didnt ill still love her the same. she takes care of me. and even if we have sex less later on thats ok. i know its important and right now she comes to me as much as i do her. in fact i rarly ever have to ask. if we slowed down i wont mind.........it wouldnt change anything for me.

Secondly, you better be a good f*cking father and not skip out on these kids. Young children don't need men coming and going in their lives, it f*cks them up, and can create resentment towards their mother.

i have no plans of going anywhere and would never skip out. im as good as i can possibly be to them.......and if/when we have one thats ours ill still treat them all the same. as i said before i treat them and care for them as my own,even now.

You're in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Everything in fresh and new and interesting, but I can assure you, once routine sets in, if you're not careful, you'll get bored and stressed out quickly. This is not about her, in fact it never was. It was always about the kids and always will be.

i know that,i know things will change. but i wont mind being in routine.

Not to mention, in some states, if you've provided for a child long enough, even if you're not married, even if they're not your kids and you break up? You may be obligated to pay child support. You better look up your local laws.

again she has money. she doesnt bother their father for child support even.

[Cain]

Whether she has money or not, the judge can decide that you are obligated to pay child support.

No, online friends and myspace doesn't count as having a social life.

In several years, if you're still together, don't count on it just happening less. Count on it happening once every few weeks.

[miSSleepy]

Missinglink, I'm only a couple of years older than you, so it's fresh to me how you feel and what your outlook is.

7 months is a very short time. If you're in the dating game, yeh it's considerable, but when you're planning to settle down, especially with someone older (and yes goddamit an age difference of 12 years does matter) and when there are kids involved ... 7 months is less than the tip of the ice-berg.

How do I know? I don't have Vash's experience no, but I've been with my bf for over 4 years. When it had been a year, I felt very differently to now. Even 2 years ago I felt very different. At 7 months we were still having sex several times a day, worrying about other men/women and thinking about how good it would be to move in together, have a house, near the water maybe...

At 7 months, we thought we knew exactly how things would fold out, we thought we were experts at predicting the future, we thought things would never change and we'd still be having sex 3 times a day 7 days a week!

Now, we're still together, yes. But leading up to now, we had almost broken up once and I went through a long phase of wondering whether I wanted to be in this relationship because I was fawning over someone else.

It's passed now, but at 7 months I was positive I would never ever even look at another guy before. Like heck I looked, I still (only) look. But now it's reality. Getting a house seems much harder now. Everything's much harder now.

and we're only 2.5 years apart, go to the same university and have the same circle of friends - seems like it should be cruisey, right?

What I'm trying to say it, you're still very young, you can't even imagine yet or predict how things will fold out. At 7 months you feel 10 feet tall and made of steel.

I know you're very intent to stay with this woman. Then stay with her. No one could (or should) make you leave her, people are just trying to warn you, because they've been there or they've seen it. Just stand back for a moment and chill out, be aware. Hopefully that should cushion the fall if it comes - if it doesn't, great!

[shh!]

am prepared for this,if i have problems when they are teens thn i have problems,and like any parent ill deal with them responsibly,and to the best of my ability. you keep saying they dont have opinions yet,well did you ever stop to think im really the only father figure they know,and when the oldest becomes a teen i will have been in his life and a father to him for 7 years! he nor the others will instantly hate and question me one day or no reason.

For the record, I never said the kids don't have opinions yet, and the fact that you think even 7 years of "parenting" will make you immune to her kids questioning or hating you one day just reinforces to me that you have absolutely no idea what you are getting yourself into. Kids question and hate their own parents when they are teenagers, even when they come from healthy, traditional households, and they do this even more so when they have non-natural parents "parenting" them. The result is more often than not divorce. (Look at the divorce statistics for re-marriage with kids. Odds are astronomically against you.) If I were the boss of the world, I wold make it illegal for people in their 20s to date/marry people with children unless they have their own kids that are emotionally healthy.

I realize that you intend to do parent these kids to the "best of your ability", but have you considered that your "best" may not be enough to fill their needs?

I think you are also giving this woman more credit than she deserves. I seriously have to question the maturity level of a 32 year old woman who brings a 20 year old boy into her children's life to act as a father. You are still in a major growth phase of your life. People change and grow a LOT in their 20s. She, on the other hand, has probably reached her peak of development. This means in 5-10 years, you will probably out-grow her.

Do yourself a favor, and don't even THINK of having any babies with her until you are closer to 30. I am pretty sure if you do this, you will make a healthier choice for your own child.