plz help

[missinglinkisp]

plz help
i dont normaly post my biz to everyone but right now i have no one to turn to and am looking for advice.

I have been in a relationship for 7 months,before then i was great friends with her for a long time. we have been close pretty much since the day we met,and tell each other everything. she is older than me and has three children. we had plans for me to move in with her. we started saying how much we love each other about 4 months in,shes always said she loved me very much and i have to her as well. and the other day we had an arguement,it was stupid and pointless,basicly just because i took something she said wrongly.i laughed when she was trying to be serious but honestly i thought she was kidding cus it was silly. she thought by laughing i was calling her an idiot,i explained i wasnt and,everything seemed ok the rest of the day but i thought she felt hurt,the next day i emailed her this letter.

am just thinking about all the stuff we said,and i would like to tell you a few things........you dont even have to respond to this i just want to tell you how i feel.

not only do i not think your idiot........i actualy think and know your the smartest person i could of hoped to meet. your also the most caring,loving person i have ever met,and you treat me like im someone,and special.......you make it clear to me that you love and care for me..........no one else does. thats why it tears me up to think i hurt you,your everything to me and i would never want to do anything to hurt or evn upset you. you have made my life better in more ways than you will ever know...............you are litteraly my whole life and my reason for living. without you i would not be here today,you hav saved my life and done so much for me. i love you more than life itself. *hugs you very tightly and never lets go*

now,i wrote that hoping to make her feel better....in case your wondering,she saved my life by talking me out of killing myself a year ago(before we were together). and i got an email back saying that was very sweet.....she seemed happy,but then an hour or so later i got this....

you know how much i love you......i do hope that you truly do love me for being me and not because you think no one else cares about you?......its just you have mentioned that a lot to me.......im just saying what you have said to me many times and by no means trying to argue.

now i was hurt by that,and i did say that,it hurt she had to ask,but i explained it as best i could,and told her thats only one of a million reasons i love her.......and i listed countless others. but then i later saw a post she made on facebook.......she tryd to hide it from me,she didnt want me to see it but i did.......and quiet frankly this is heartbreaking to me.

My boyfriend has stated to me on several occasions that ...i payed him attention...and that is why he likes me so much!We were friends for a long time before we started our relationship..He is younger than me and i have 3 children that he is very much trying to get to know,i guess my worries are that he really only wants to be with me and loves me because i payed him attention and cared His family life at home is horrible and i feel he is using me as an escape to a better life.We live
apart, but he is planning on coming to me and never returning to his *family*He is very sensative and gets depressed very easily so i am trying to tread carefully!.....thank's in advance.

i spent 7 hours explaining why those things arnt true........and what the truth is. she says she understands now, but really idk if she wants me there,by that post she made idk.......she says she does want me there more than anything. but what im really worried about is the fact she doesnt know why i love her,even tho i send things and love letters to her every single day,and she states in that she thinks i just looking to escape my family. she said when we talked about it that she knows i want to be with her and have a life together......i tryd to explain as best i could that i want to live with her to live with her.........not to escape my family.she said she understood all this and after 7 hours of talking about it she says everythings the same as before and that she feels alot better and understands.

however im upset,now im afraid what i can say around her,i dont want to give her wrong ideas,and i really wonder if she truly does understand,or just said she did to shut me up. i love her dearly,everything i said in that letter is true.but now by that post she made on facebook im afraid she doesnt want me living with her. and many other things she said hurt me. there is one more issue,we used to have "time" if you know what i mean,everyday or nearly every day,now i know our time is good for both of us,so its not that anything is wrong in that way,but in 12 days now we havnt been "together". the longest we havnt before was 3 days. now 12,every night shes been saying shes tired,i think she may be but 12 days,come on. now i find out this stuff yesterday and i think we havnt cus shes been thinking this stuff 12 days now. she seems fine all day till the kids sleep and i bring it up(im very careful how i do,and romantic about it) the second i say or do anything she changes instantly and says shes so tired. i didnt say anything yesterday at all because of that thing she posted and although she acts as if we are ok,im unsure,and very afraid of what i can say to her. its really heart breaking to me. im just looking for some advice,i dont have anyone but her,and for obvious reasons i cant get an oppinion or advice from her.........sorry in advance for spelling and length.
i had posted this in another forum but only got one response,ill post the reply i said to him so thats cleared up in advance here.

I have known about the kids for a long time and care for them as well,i am very aware how important they are. she takes good care of the kids and i try to as well,im not going to say the ages,i dont want it clouding the issue,im not real young,but there is an age gap.this isnt about the kids or me trying to be more important than them.i care about and love the kids as well.
i dont pressure her,she brought up me moving in,not me. i dont see anything im pressuring her about,she also brought up that she wants us to have a kid together as well,so im not the one asking to move in or pressuring her into anything. as for me being clingy.........i guess i am,shes really all i have,but you should know shes exactly the same way. i didnt write that as "I am so lucky to have you because who else would" ,at least that wasnt my intention,i was simply trying to say how sweet and caring she was to me from the start and that i had never met anyone as nice as her before. i could get someone else..........in fact i have been asked if i single a few times and said no,if i wanted i could get another girl tonight.......thats not what i was trying to exrpress to her. we are both good looking,thats not the issue,its not that no one else would have me........i just meant no one else treats me as sweet as her.

[shh!]

I apologize in advance if you find my response to be harsh.

Your girlfriend sounds like she is right to be worried. You sound a little on the desperate side, and desperation makes people uncomfortable, especially when they have to consider the well-being of 3 children. Desperation is not a healthy basis for a relationship... it puts a disproportionate burden on the healthier person to caretake the weaker, and that gets old. People with children usually want a partner - not another person to take care of emotionally.

Also, I think it would be a good idea to keep some of your emotional crap to yourself. Not every emotion needs to be expressed.

What are your age differences and the age of the kids? They are very relevant.

[missinglinkisp]

*sighs*,im not desperate,nor being emotional,im not like that all the time it one letter!!! ,my age nor hers is important(i will say after i get some more non bias comments) the kids are 7,5 and 3.

[Cain]

*sighs*,im not desperate,nor being emotional,im not like that all the time it one letter!!! ,my age nor hers is important(i will say after i get some more non bias comments) the kids are 7,5 and 3.

Age has a lot to do with advice given.

[missinglinkisp]

i see no advice. im 20 shes 32. now ill get no un bias advice so just let the insults fly...................this forum is crap

[shh!]

It's never going to work and you know it, or you wouldn't have kept the ages a secret.

Her dating a 20 year old would be rather like you dating a 9 year old, don't you see?

[Cain]

i see no advice. im 20 shes 32. now ill get no un bias advice so just let the insults fly...................this forum is crap

I was saying that age has a lot to do with the advice that is going to be given. You obviously already knew the advice you were going to get otherwise you wouldn't have wanted to keep the ages a secret.

You have to know this isn't going to work. I mean, really... you're only 20 and you're wanting to take on the responsibility of raising three kids that aren't yours? You're not thinking with your brain here. And honestly, she should have known better than to approach a relationship with you.

[Cain]

Also, seven hours? What the hell could you possibly have to say that would take seven hours? THAT is what seems like desperation to me.

[missinglinkisp]

It's never going to work and you know it, or you wouldn't have kept the ages a secret.

Her dating a 20 year old would be rather like you dating a 9 year old, don't you see?

im just gonna give you a big fat **** you. i been with her 7 months already.it will work. you or anyone else havnt given advice at all only insults

You have to know this isn't going to work. I mean, really... you're only 20 and you're wanting to take on the responsibility of raising three kids that aren't yours? You're not thinking with your brain here. And honestly, she should have known better than to approach a relationship with you.

no i dont know that,im not wanting to take it on............i already have!!! its my life and the kids have nothing to do with it. i dont care if the kids are mine,i treat them as they are. just cus you were an imature **** at my age doesnt mean i am.......so **** you........either of you hav given any advice what so ever........ as for the 7 hours it wasnt just me talking!

[starbuck]

im just gonna give you a big fat **** you. i been with her 7 months already.it will work. you or anyone else havnt given advice at all only insults

You're pissed off because people aren't giving you the advice you want to hear. If you really want everything sugar coated for you, then you're going to have a hard time getting along with people in life.

[shh!]

If you think what I posted was insulting, you are very young and silly. There is a difference between telling the truth and being insulting. Insulting would be if I called you a fuucking idiot, which I did not.

[Cain]

no i dont know that,im not wanting to take it on............i already have!!! its my life and the kids have nothing to do with it. i dont care if the kids are mine,i treat them as they are. just cus you were an imature **** at my age doesnt mean i am.......so **** you........either of you hav given any advice what so ever........ as for the 7 hours it wasnt just me talking!

Did you come here just to hear "oh yeah! This is the PERFECT match and you two are going to live happily ever after!"...?

No, you have NOT taken on the role of "daddy" yet. You've been together seven months. Just wait until another two years passes and you can't go out and have fun at all because you have three kids at the house that aren't yours. It's hard enough being a step-parent... let alone being a step-parent that's barely old enough to have kids of his own... with the oldest child only 13 years younger than you.

You say that I was immature at your age? Dude, do you even realize how immature you're acting right now? You're whining because you aren't hearing what you want to hear... you're seriously whining. I wouldn't be surprised if you were dabbing at your wet eyes with a damn kleenex.

Why bother coming here if you're not willing to accept advice?

[missinglinkisp]

again....i came here looking for advice,i have gotten none,all i see here is that im being called imature and your saying it wont work do to age,advice would be telling me some thing to do,try,etc.

im not being a baby because its not what i want to hear,really i dont care what others think of me.....im kind of pissed that no one trys to help,your all basicly telling me to end it..........i will NOT do that.

[shh!]

Believe me when I tell you I AM trying to help. I have been in your shoes, and you are heading in the path of disaster. My most heartfelt advice to you is to get out NOW.

[Cain]

again....i came here looking for advice,i have gotten none,all i see here is that im being called imature and your saying it wont work do to age,advice would be telling me some thing to do,try,etc.

im not being a baby because its not what i want to hear,really i dont care what others think of me.....im kind of pissed that no one trys to help,your all basicly telling me to end it..........i will NOT do that.

This was advice. I don't understand why you're setting yourself up for heartbreak... if you truly want to be with her, you have to realize this is most likely going to end, and you're going to be heartbroken. And you ARE acting immature. I called you that when you started cussing and whining. That is immaturity.

Whatever, I'm done with advice in this thread. Just be sure to post here when you say "she broke up with me because I'm too young"