Ever love someone, but hate their child?

[Chris660]

Met a great girl. best girl I have ever been in a relationship with. We have been together 10 months now. Things are awesome. Best sex, best personality match, we act the same, enjoy the same things....only 1 big difference we have is our beliefs on raising children.

I think children should be diciplined. she thinks children should be able to do whatever the hell they want and not have any consequences besides yelling at them....which does absolutely nothing at this point. The kid is almost 3 years old but he is a total nightmare. Throws things all over the place, runs around and breaks things, runs away from us if we go out somewhere, literally hits my g/f for no reason, bites her.

we talked about this key difference, a lot recently, but it seems like her answer always is "he's my son and I pay for him and take care of him so I don't need you to tell me how to raise my kid" I keep telling her unless you do something, this behavior will get worse and worse and continue forever....she says it's just how a normal 3 year old acts and he will get better as he ages.

I don't agree...and it seems to be putting a strain on our relationship. anyone ever been in a situation like this and how did you handle it?

[Cain]

Well, this is her child and ultimately, she doesn't give a shit apparently what you think when it comes to raising him. I do, however, agree that children need more than a little speech. She's going to give this child leeway and he's going to grow up doing whatever the hell he wants to do.

[misombra]

i think it will only further strain your relationship.

it's hard to watch somebody let their child get away with stupid things if you're not the type. and the other person never changes their parenting ways and will always be defensive if you question it.

it will drive you both crazy. it will cause resentment in your relationship that will be hard to get over.

sorry, i doubt that's what you wanted to hear.

[Cain]

By the way, how old are you both?

[shh!]

If her kid is wild, it could be because he is only 3. The human brain is not completely functional until a person is in their 20s, and impulse control is one of the last areas of the brain to develop. Of course she needs to teach the child, but not you. You are not his parent.

Of course, he may be acting out because his father isn't around. That would piss me off, too.

[anachronistic]

If her kid is wild, it could be because he is only 3. The human brain is not completely functional until a person is in their 20s, and impulse control is one of the last areas of the brain to develop. Of course she needs to teach the child, but not you. You are not his parent.

Of course, he may be acting out because his father isn't around. That would piss me off, too.

I never acted that way and I never had my pops around.

[Cain]

I never acted that way and I never had my pops around.

You remember what you did when you were three? I don't. But from what I hear, I was the spawn of Satan. I was expelled from three preschools that I know of.

[shh!]

Lilwing - So? Do you imagine everyone should behave like you? Besides, I distinctly remember you posting about many odder things you've done over the years...

[anachronistic]

I remember all the way up to the day my brother was born - 14 months after me.


huh... I thought everybody remembered that far back.

[starbuck]

Met a great girl. best girl I have ever been in a relationship with. We have been together 10 months now. Things are awesome. Best sex, best personality match, we act the same, enjoy the same things....only 1 big difference we have is our beliefs on raising children.

I think children should be diciplined. she thinks children should be able to do whatever the hell they want and not have any consequences besides yelling at them....which does absolutely nothing at this point. The kid is almost 3 years old but he is a total nightmare. Throws things all over the place, runs around and breaks things, runs away from us if we go out somewhere, literally hits my g/f for no reason, bites her.

we talked about this key difference, a lot recently, but it seems like her answer always is "he's my son and I pay for him and take care of him so I don't need you to tell me how to raise my kid" I keep telling her unless you do something, this behavior will get worse and worse and continue forever....she says it's just how a normal 3 year old acts and he will get better as he ages.

I don't agree...and it seems to be putting a strain on our relationship. anyone ever been in a situation like this and how did you handle it?

You let her know how you feel about it which is really all you can do. If it's putting a strain on your relationship because the both of you fight about it alot, then don't fight her about it. It's her child, and trying to persuade her when she's already made up her mind is futile. Unless she is letting you raise the child as yours as well as hers, she's entitled to her own parenting style even if you don't agree with it.

Eventually the little hellion will probably do something that causes her to change her mind, and she'll actually discipline him. Or he will mellow out a bit. Either way, if you keep making an issue out of it, it will be an issue.

[clearskies]

I see she has the full right to bring her child the way she wants. you are not his dad and she did nt ask you to carry his responsibility with her neither financially nor morally. I cant believe you do not love a three year old child ... it is normal for 2-3 years old children to explore the world around them. Doctors call this age terrible twos and it doesnt stop until he is 4 . So bear with it sometime and let her know your point of view. Do you imagine she will throw her kid for you? No , you will never respect her if she did that and she cant restrain a couple of years old kid for you. I am sure if he ws your son, you would have give him all the excused in the world. Search within yourself, do you really like the idea of her having a kid from someone else?

[Cain]

I see she has the full right to bring her child the way she wants. you are not his dad and she did nt ask you to carry his responsibility with her neither financially nor morally. I cant believe you do not love a three year old child ... it is normal for 2-3 years old children to explore the world around them. Doctors call this age terrible twos and it doesnt stop until he is 4 . So bear with it sometime and let her know your point of view. Do you imagine she will throw her kid for you? No , you will never respect her if she did that and she cant restrain a couple of years old kid for you. I am sure if he ws your son, you would have give him all the excused in the world. Search within yourself, do you really like the idea of her having a kid from someone else?

It's easy to not be emotionally attached to a kid that isn't yours.

[clearskies]

Chris: I reallt did not tolerate the word hate for a kid. You cant be a loving dad for him and just leave him for his mummy but i do not accept the word hate...it is too harsh to be said about an innocent kid.

[shh!]

If someone said they hated my kid, they'd never see me again. Even if they never said it, but only acted like or hinted that they hated my kid, they'd never be near me again.

My kids are SOOOO much more important than ANY man on the planet.

[clearskies]

I 100% agree on your words... specially if he is a kid not a teen.