Brother is a ****ing idiot

[anachronistic]

He really is a big ****ing idiot, and he should have that tattooed onto his forehead.

My stepdad dropped the vandalism charges, we got him out of jail, he went to court to get sentenced for some other crimes, gets sentenced to 120 days in prison, and instead joins the US airforce. He wrote a few letters to them, he had to because of his drug charges and whatnot. He finally got in.

So after only 2 weeks of being out of jail, saying he never wants to go back there again, what does the idiot do? He goes out and hangs out with his drug buddies. He's probably doing more drugs. I honestly don't have a problem with drugs, as long as they don't interfere with your life. They are interfering bigtime with my brother's life.

His cell phone has been off ever since he left the house against my parents' will yesterday. They should have called the cops and had him brought back, in my opinion. His friends aren't true friends in my book. I used to hang out with them until I found they were a bunch of lying, back stabbing bags of shit.

My mom has always babied him. She's still doing it too. She should have let him stay in jail until the court date. Wait until he goes off to college, I think his problems are going to multiply like rabbits.

People tell me that it's not my problem and I should just be a bystander. I don't want to do that. I don't know what to do.

[starbuck]

Alot of drug users mistakenly think that their behavior only affects them, and they can be selfishly oblivious to the pain they're causing their families. That being said, there is nothing you can really *do* except let him know how his drug use makes you feel. And to stand by the rest of your family during this time. Help your mom see how she might be enabling him if she is.

I don't know the whole story with you and your brother, LW but I feel for ya. My ex was a chronic pot smoker. I never thought the drug was that harmful until I met him. He smoked it compulsively and if it was in the house, all he wanted to do was sit around and smoke it. If I had asked him to choose between me and the bong, I know *exactly* what he would have chosen, and that thought really makes me sad.

It sounds like your brother is hooked on much worse. Can you suggest rehab to him?

[anachronistic]

Alot of drug users mistakenly think that their behavior only affects them, and they can be selfishly oblivious to the pain they're causing their families. That being said, there is nothing you can really *do* except let him know how his drug use makes you feel. And to stand by the rest of your family during this time. Help your mom see how she might be enabling him if she is.

I don't know the whole story with you and your brother, LW but I feel for ya. My ex was a chronic pot smoker. I never thought the drug was that harmful until I met him. He smoked it compulsively and if it was in the house, all he wanted to do was sit around and smoke it. If I had asked him to choose between me and the bong, I know *exactly* what he would have chosen, and that thought really makes me sad.

It sounds like your brother is hooked on much worse. Can you suggest rehab to him?

I don't know if my brother is any worse with the drugs than your ex.

He doesn't want to stop doing drugs, and he is a pot head. He smokes marijuana like every day. The only way we could get him into rehab is through the sentence of a judge. You should see some of the horribly biased crap he posts on facebook about drugs.

The best girlfriend he ever had broke up with him because of the drug problems. He just doesn't get it. Ever since I went off to college last year, it seems he dived off on the deep end.

It has a toll on everyone. It's making my step father want to walk out on the family, he is a bad role model for my kid sister, he's practically ruined the family reputation in the small towns all around the area, he'll probably never be able to get a job within a 50 mile radius.

[starbuck]

I don't know if my brother is any worse with the drugs than your ex.

He doesn't want to stop doing drugs, and he is a pot head. He smokes marijuana like every day. The only way we could get him into rehab is through the sentence of a judge. You should see some of the horribly biased crap he posts on facebook about drugs.

The best girlfriend he ever had broke up with him because of the drug problems. He just doesn't get it. Ever since I went off to college last year, it seems he dived off on the deep end.

It has a toll on everyone. It's making my step father want to walk out on the family, he is a bad role model for my kid sister, he's practically ruined the family reputation in the small towns all around the area, he'll probably never be able to get a job within a 50 mile radius.

There is a big difference between people who smoke pot recreationally and people who smoke it habitually. I think that your brother is probably in some kind of pain or unhappy with himself, and like most habitual users of pot, is using it to self soothe.

How is he able to afford the pot with no job? Are his drug buds that generous?

[boobaa]

How old is your brother? From somewhere I remember you mentioning he is older than you, am I right? If so, then I think he is old enough to do what he wants.

[shh!]

Your brother is just young and stupid. Sometimes young and stupid people need to get themselves into trouble before they learn their lesson.

[anachronistic]

There is a big difference between people who smoke pot recreationally and people who smoke it habitually. I think that your brother is probably in some kind of pain or unhappy with himself, and like most habitual users of pot, is using it to self soothe.

How is he able to afford the pot with no job? Are his drug buds that generous?

I don't know why he does drugs. I think it's simply because he likes being high.

I know he has his ways of getting shit. For starters my brother is very good at stealing, lying, and cheating. That's why I have a lock on my bedroom door. So he gets his money one way or another. From what I know, he has stolen things such as big screen tvs, computers, videogame systems, jewelry, cash, drug paraphernalia, firearms, melee weapons, etc. I can't do anything about that, though. The police have searched, and never find a damn thing. I'm sure if he wanted to break into my bedroom, he could pick the locks or undo the charliebar.

Drugs aren't his biggest problem, but they are definitely the cause of a lot of his problems... and have triggered this kind of behavior. or so it seems.

So he either steals shit and sells that for drugs, his friends are nice enough to give it to him (they bailed him out of jail twice), or I don't know what he does. IOUs to the dealer? I doubt it...

How old is your brother? From somewhere I remember you mentioning he is older than you, am I right? If so, then I think he is old enough to do what he wants.

What's your point Boobaa? I am the eldest of the household, but what difference does that make? Sure he can do whatever he wants; anyone can do whatever they want. There's consequences for every action you make though. Since I am part of his family, and I care about him, I am trying to change his attitude so he doesn't end up in jail for the rest of his life, or with lots of problems. Don't you understand that? I feel like I am talking down to a 6 year old.

[starbuck]

Unfortunately he has to make these changes himself. You can only tell him how his behavior makes you feel. Maybe try reminding him that if he slips up again, his jail sentence will be harsher, and he could end up ruining his college career.

Is he still joining the air force? That should shape him up.

[anachronistic]

Yes, he will be an active member in ROTC. I am not sure when he will be shipped off for basic, but sometime before he gets out of college, because he will have a 3+ year tour after he graduates, or if he drops out.

[anachronistic]

My brother just called and kind of told me how his weekend sucked. I don't know why he didn't call my mom first. Maybe this has become my responsibility and it is something I shouldn't tell my mom.

He says he is trying to get a ride home from his friends. I will probably end up having to go 20 miles in my car and pick him up. How do you get someone to stop depending on people like that? He needs to learn how to manage his time, and depend on himself.

[starbuck]

He's obviously not in a place of thinking responsibly right now. Maybe you can find out what your brother's motivations are for compulsively smoking pot besides his liking the high. Perhaps there's an underlying pain there. Or a need to escape. Chances are, he doesn't feel that great about himself right now. Chronic pot smokers usually don't. I've read that depression can actually be caused by smoking pot. I know everyone is different, but it's a drug...it affects your brain chemistry in profound ways.

It could take some time for him to learn the hard way. He needs a wake up call. You'd think jail time would be enough of one.

I'm actually not anti-pot in general, but like most substances, it can be abused. I saw first hand how hooked my ex was. We actually found some weed growing in a potted plant on the sidewalk outside someone's brownstone on my street. One time when he had run out and realized no amount of his begging was going to make me buy it for him, he went and harvested that weed from the potted plant and toked up. Which was just...gross. Dogs could have peed on it and stuff. He was just so desperate to smoke some. It was very sad.

Then again, he had a head injury, so he didn't always think that straight.

[anachronistic]

He's obviously not in a place of thinking responsibly right now. Maybe you can find out what your brother's motivations are for compulsively smoking pot besides his liking the high. Perhaps there's an underlying pain there. Or a need to escape. Chances are, he doesn't feel that great about himself right now. Chronic pot smokers usually don't. I've read that depression can actually be caused by smoking pot. I know everyone is different, but it's a drug...it affects your brain chemistry in profound ways.

It could take some time for him to learn the hard way. He needs a wake up call. You'd think jail time would be enough of one.

I'm actually not anti-pot in general, but like most substances, it can be abused. I saw first hand how hooked my ex was. We actually found some weed growing in a potted plant on the sidewalk outside someone's brownstone on my street. One time when he had run out and realized no amount of his begging was going to make me buy it for him, he went and harvested that weed from the potted plant and toked up. Which was just...gross. Dogs could have peed on it and stuff. He was just so desperate to smoke some. It was very sad.

Then again, he had a head injury, so he didn't always think that straight.

My brother is a lot like me when it comes to talking about problems. I don't like to talk about them. When I was breaking up with a longterm ex, I couldn't sit down and talk with my mother. I couldn't talk to my friends. I had to get a counselor. We tried to get my brother to talk to a counselor once. He won't talk.

He thinks those people he is hanging out with really care about him. Some bitch he hangs out with called me up after he got thrown in jail. She pointed the finger at me, and thought I set him up. Some people don't know half of what is happening. I will put everything I own on the line, to prove that she doesn't know a damn thing about all the things that he's stolen. Nobody knows about that stuff but 3 people. My brother, me, and nobody else. Well you guys do, but you don't count. I wouldn't even know about it if I wasn't at the right place at the right time.

Step one is probably earning his trust. I don't think he trusts me because every time he calls, I basically have to 'report' it to my mom. I didn't do that this time. I think my mom is making matters worse, because she can't stand to see him punished... she doesn't have that quality. I don't like to see him punished, but I understand where it fits into the parenting thing. I'd be just like him if I didn't pull myself away.

[anachronistic]

Makes me feel like listening to this song a million times.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hWVIpTCQr0"]YouTube - Guillemots - Little Bear[/ame]