ex called...ugh :(

[starbuck]

For some backstory, this is the ex that smoked too much pot and lived off me for 4 months, playing video games all day when he was supposed to be looking for a job. Otherwise known as the sloth. We had a passionate relationship, but his drama got to be too much for me and I broke up with him.

Well he called on Friday when I was out of the office. I didn't get his message until today, and it totally threw me for a loop. This is the first time that I've heard his voice since we broke up a little over a month ago, and it almost made me cry. I know that breaking up with him was the right thing, but I am not over him yet, and it's making me angry at myself. I'm usually a very good mover-onner. Why is love so irrational?

So basically in the message, he just said he missed me and he loved me and that he "might" try calling me again. (Typical sloth, everything is done half-assed). I don't even know what I'd say to him if I called him back. There is no way we can get back together after all the drama I went through with him. My family hated him. He has drug and mental problems...it's just too tiring.

I'm hoping maybe he just drunk dialed me or something, and he doesn't try to contact me again. I'm feeling sort of vulnerable right now, and I don't want to do anything stupid. Like take him back.

[shh!]

Oh no! Don't even THINK of taking him back! You have much better prospects in your future... why settle for a lazy pot-head? Is there any way to screen your calls so you can just avoid him like the plague he is?

[Mish]

Love is so irrational because a lot of it is held together by feelings. You know all the reasons why you shouldn't be together. Your feelings are just trying to catch up to that. There must have been some buttons that he pressed that make you miss him. The fastest way to get over someone is to make yourself busy so you don't have the time to think about things like that. Time heals all and eventually your feelings will catch up with your reasons.

If you simply must talk to him though, tell him that it's over and you would rather he didn't call. You can be friends later on once you are completely over him.

[starbuck]

Oh no! Don't even THINK of taking him back! You have much better prospects in your future... why settle for a lazy pot-head? Is there any way to screen your calls so you can just avoid him like the plague he is?

I think that's why he called my work. Cause he knows that if he called my cell phone, I wouldn't answer. Plus since he has no money, so he tends to call from other people's phones so unless I'm really paying attention to the area code, the call could get through this way.

I need an assistant...

[anachronistic]

Delete his messages as soon as you recognize they are from him.

Get a puppy!

[starbuck]

Love is so irrational because a lot of it is held together by feelings. You know all the reasons why you shouldn't be together. Your feelings are just trying to catch up to that. There must have been some buttons that he pressed that make you miss him. The fastest way to get over someone is to make yourself busy so you don't have the time to think about things like that. Time heals all and eventually your feelings will catch up with your reasons.

If you simply must talk to him though, tell him that it's over and you would rather he didn't call. You can be friends later on once you are completely over him.

Very true, Mishanya. I wish I knew what buttons those were. I'd permanently disable them. I've been trying to keep as busy as I can: I have a new personal trainer at the gym who is kicking my ass, I have a trip to Puerto Rico coming up in a couple of weeks, and if all else fails, I can come on here and yack and have all of you guys tell me how stupid it would be to call him!

The sloth just caught me off guard today.

[anachronistic]

If you lived closer, I would make you take dance lessons with me.

[starbuck]

Delete his messages as soon as you recognize they are from him.

Get a puppy!

A puppy would probably do more around the house than he did.

[anachronistic]

Exactly Plus you wouldn't be all lonely or do anything you might regret like take the sloth back.

The only thing is that you wouldn't be able to get any poontang.... well unless you're into that. But I'm sure you'll find someone. I bet girls as cute as you don't stay single long in NY.

[starbuck]

If you lived closer, I would make you take dance lessons with me.

Awwwww...that is sweet. That made me feel like this:

[Asparagoose]

For some backstory, this is the ex that smoked too much pot and lived off me for 4 months, playing video games all day when he was supposed to be looking for a job. Otherwise known as the sloth. We had a passionate relationship, but his drama got to be too much for me and I broke up with him.

Sounds like a loser. Just ignore his calls and start looking for someone else. If you run into him in person, just tell him you're sort of seeing someone else right now and don't want to be unfair to him by talking to an ex. If that doesn't work, just call the police.

[Mish]

Very true, Mishanya. I wish I knew what buttons those were. I'd permanently disable them.

I don't know a lot about your relationship with him, but I could speculate. I remember when you first posted you said you loved him, but you cited some additional things like his condition and how you were never in a situation like that, but you wanted to be a good person and look after him with extra care due to his condition. I suppose this inner drive remains unfulfiled. You won't be able to know what it's like to give all you've got and love someone regardless of their health condition. However, the real reason why you won't be able to do that is not due to any personal fault, but due to the fact that he wasn't up to taking initiative and making his life better, rather using his condition as a crutch to get sympathy out of people. You're also doing it to keep peace in your family, even though you feel that some of them were unjust in their treatment of him, you still value your family harmony. A part of you may feel that you were unjust to him because of that, but in reality that's not the case at all and with time you will see this more clearly.

Once again just a speculation, I'm sure there's a lot that I don't know.

[anachronistic]

I don't mean to direct attention away from your thread, but by any chance is your alias Starbuck because your friends teased you for studying art in college, by saying that you will end up working at Starbucks? My buddies are always making fun of me like that.

[Illusional]

since you're taking phone calls.. i'm single by the way.

raverboy

[starbuck]

I don't know a lot about your relationship with him, but I could speculate. I remember when you first posted you said you loved him, but you cited some additional things like his condition and how you were never in a situation like that, but you wanted to be a good person and look after him with extra care due to his condition. I suppose this inner drive remains unfulfiled. You won't be able to know what it's like to give all you've got and love someone regardless of their health condition. However, the real reason why you won't be able to do that is not due to any personal fault, but due to the fact that he wasn't up to taking initiative and making his life better, rather using his condition as a crutch to get sympathy out of people. You're also doing it to keep peace in your family, even though you feel that some of them were unjust in their treatment of him, you still value your family harmony. A part of you may feel that you were unjust to him because of that, but in reality that's not the case at all and with time you will see this more clearly.

Once again just a speculation, I'm sure there's a lot that I don't know.

Actually Mish, that is pretty right on the money. I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again. He was the one that told me he felt like he was rotting away in his hometown and wanted to get a job here in the city, but when he got here, it was all talk and no action.

He did try somewhat, but the effort paled in comparison to what someone with some drive would have put in. I always encouraged him to seek out city services that would help him with job placement for someone with a disability. Did he do that? Nope. Hell, I wasn't even expecting him to get a full time job. A part time job was fine. Our fights were not about his not having a job, they were always about the fact that I saw him doing so little in the way of getting one.

He is a user, and it's not out of malice. I think that he uses people because that's how he's operated for the last 10 years and he's allowed himself to become chronically dependent. He floats around from place to place, sponging off family members and friends instead of growing up and doing the hard work it takes to be independent. And he's realized just how powerful his sympathy card is.

Everything that happened I let happen. I realize that now.