When you have a "thing" with a friend..

[SamT]

how often do you guys talk/see each other?

We speak nearly everyday through txt, or everyother day..and we see eachother 4/3 times a week roughly. Depending on social events and university. (we're on the same course)

So, because other people aren't respectful of other people's relationships means that he shouldn't? That's one of the most childish things I've read in a while. It goes back to that "if Bobby jumped off a bridge would you do it to?"

She's in a relationship. He's told her how he feels. It's now up to her. She either needs to leave her bf and date him or she needs to turn him away as a friend. Not only do they admit to liking each other, but they've already crossed that boundary of friendship with a kiss on the lips. If I was her boyfriend, that slut would be out on the curb so she could suck the next dick on her list.

Also, Sam, you need to think about one thing. Some guys are VERY vindictive. If a guy overstepped his boundary with my girl and KNEW that she and I were in a relationship, I wouldn't be very respectful anymore. You need to make sure this relationship isn't serious before you do something stupid. The more serious it is, the more likely it is that this guy might hurt you. No matter how tough you are, an aluminum bat is tougher.

Woah, some harsh words there Cain. Why so bitter?! Please refrain from calling this girl a 'slut', this isnt why i came on here. I don't mind you being honest, but there's no need to be offensive.

Me and this girl have have kept things as normal as can be. Just as close friends. And I've done everything i can to ensure that im being respectful of her relationship. Definitely more than most guys would, yes a kiss has happened, and i guess that was both our faults.
Anyway, havent you already suggested that she can't love her bf that much if she has feelings for me?

[Cain]

Woah, some harsh words there Cain. Why so bitter?! Please refrain from calling this girl a 'slut', this isnt why i came on here. I don't mind you being honest, but there's no need to be offensive.

Me and this girl have have kept things as normal as can be. Just as close friends. And I've done everything i can to ensure that im being respectful of her relationship. Definitely more than most guys would, yes a kiss has happened, and i guess that was both our faults.
Anyway, havent you already suggested that she can't love her bf that much if she has feelings for me?

I wouldn't have called her a slut if she wasn't acting like one.

Of course the kiss was both of your faults, but you both are still overstepping the boundary and you know it, yet neither of you wants to rectify the situation.

And yes, if she loved her boyfriend, she wouldn't have kissed you and expressed her feelings. And that's why I said that she needs to either drop you or break up with her bf. She's dragging this guy along and he doesn't deserve it.

[SamT]

I wouldn't have called her a slut if she wasn't acting like one.

Of course the kiss was both of your faults, but you both are still overstepping the boundary and you know it, yet neither of you wants to rectify the situation.

And yes, if she loved her boyfriend, she wouldn't have kissed you and expressed her feelings. And that's why I said that she needs to either drop you or break up with her bf. She's dragging this guy along and he doesn't deserve it.

Well it's a long shot for you to be calling her a slut when you don't know her at all.
Yes i guess we are still overstepping the boundary, but that doesnt mean we havent tried to improve it or talked about ways to halt this.

How could you be a 100% sure of wether or not she loves her bf?...she's told me before that she loves him, and so feels really bad about this situation and knows she's not being a good gf.

[Cain]

Well it's a long shot for you to be calling her a slut when you don't know her at all.
Yes i guess we are still overstepping the boundary, but that doesnt mean we havent tried to improve it or talked about ways to halt this.

How could you be a 100% sure of wether or not she loves her bf?...she's told me before that she loves him, and so feels really bad about this situation and knows she's not being a good gf.

I don't have to know her personally. I'm making my judgment based on her actions. In my opinion, if someone cheats (whether it's only a kiss or not), she's a slut.

You both might be trying to fix the situation but if you both have feelings for each other, there will always be a chance that kiss will happen again and it might turn into something more.

And I already told you that if she loved her bf, she wouldn't be kissing another guy. She wouldn't be flirting with another guy who she knows likes her. I love my gf and I'd never do it. My gf won't even hang out with another guy by themselves, let alone get too close to one.

[lesa]

Well it's a long shot for you to be calling her a slut when you don't know her at all.
Yes i guess we are still overstepping the boundary, but that doesnt mean we havent tried to improve it or talked about ways to halt this.

How could you be a 100% sure of wether or not she loves her bf?...she's told me before that she loves him, and so feels really bad about this situation and knows she's not being a good gf.

What the....? Is this the girl you were referring to in the other post about friends pursuing one girl? This is really some drama. Is there a pill to help clear thoughts? Hormones makes all of us irrational sometimes.

[SamT]

lol, yes lesa. I am referring to the same girl..

Hormones? what testosterone?.. i don't think thats the main problem here though lol

[IndiReloaded]

Cain's definition of 'slut' is quite a bit narrower than most ppls. It comes from an obvious fear of being cheated on, probably b/c he was once. So, take that in context and don't be offended.

Sam, I don't think you need to stop being someone's friend just b/c you happen to like each other. However, I do think you are pushing boundaries right now & that should stop. You want more than friendship, at least that's what your behaviour says. She is obviously torn b/t doing the 'right' thing (staying w/her BF) and liking you. But that is her issue to work out.

I happen to agree w/Cain. She shouldn't be w/her BF is she is flirting, kissing, & spending all this time w/you. It IS a kind of cheating, albeit a common & benign sort. She's probably somewhat unhappy w/her BF. I'm guessing she has told you things about her relationship that make her unhappy, am I right?

If so, this is a sign she is ripe for 'stealing' from her BF. Lots of ppl would rather jump into a relationship w/another person first rather than end their current unhappy relationship & deal with whatever personal issues made it unsuccessful. Its immature, but as I said, its not uncommon for her age. Hell, some married ppl get out of marriage the same way so in that sense, age is no barrier to immaturity or stupidity.

Search for a post about 'women, monkeys & branches', that should put things in context for you. Tho really, I should go back and edit that post to include men, b/c they do this too. Anyway, good luck.

[misombra]

We speak nearly everyday through txt, or everyother day..and we see eachother 4/3 times a week roughly. Depending on social events and university. (we're on the same course)

is she 20 as well? people do not normally stay with people that they've been with at 20 years of age.

those relationships are fleeting. but it doesn't give you the right to be texting back and forth every day.

tell her you like her and to let you know when she's single. texting every day is not good for you guys.

there is a chance for you sam, but you have to be patient and you have to do the right things. warning: doing the right thing is hard.

[misombra]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gNoaJQtsQM&feature=related"]YouTube - MANDAME UNA SEÑAL - MANA[/ame]

i want you and you want me but you're hearts imprisoned.

[Cain]

Cain's definition of 'slut' is quite a bit narrower than most ppls. It comes from an obvious fear of being cheated on, probably b/c he was once. So, take that in context and don't be offended.

No, I've never been cheated on.

If you cheat, whether you're sleeping around or just kissing, you're a slut.

Also, the reason why I said that their friendship probably has to end if they plan on respecting her relationship is because it's evident that they can't be just friends. There will always be that "chemistry" and things might progress between them before she breaks up with her bf. I've never been cheated on so I don't know what it feels like, but some people take a long time to get over it. I remember 1AJ always talking about it.

[DoesntMatter]

I wouldn't have called her a slut if she wasn't acting like one.

Cain knows all about being a slut SamT. Don't let him get the best of you

[IndiReloaded]

Only if they can't control themselves, Cain. Which, at 20, is a difficult thing. Moreover, why should they? This isn't about friendship, we all know this, Sam you're just waiting your turn.

Anyway, it will be interesting if she has confided to Sam about her BF. If so, then she should just be breaking up w/her BF and admitting she likes Sam more. Harsh, but honest and such is life. Shrug.

[Cain]

If you're going to enter into a relationship, regardless of age, you need to control yourself. If you don't want to control yourself, don't enter into anything. It's about not breaking another person's heart.

People nowadays are so damn selfish.

[IndiReloaded]

Ohfercrissakes Cain, like how you can control yourself calling someone a slut who has merely exchanged a kiss w/a friend?

Part of the growing experience is going through these experiences so you can learn the benefit of self-control. Ppls hearts DO get broken, kiddo, however much you'd like to insulate yourself from it by hiding behind terms like 'slut', etc. You are setting up a circular argument, one that you are currently experiencing yourself. Tho its a good idea in theory (and one I agree with) don't be a hypocrite, young man.

[misombra]

so let me get this straight cain. what you're saying is, this girls a slut because she kissed sammy?