Single and Lonely

[Papsy]

I am a male, 23, single, I have finished university and now working in a big company. What more could a person ask for? Well i was in a relationship for 3 years and it just all fell apart for some reason. Ever since then I have been single and lonely, I just find it hard to picture the type of person who I really want to be with. Most of my friends after uni have all disappeared gone to different parts of the UK and working in different companies but most of all are settling down with their girlfriends. I just want to be in that situation. I just find it hard to approach women and I dont know what the reason could be. I work long hours and this cuts out a lot of my socialising time and hence the time that I do get off I just dont know who I could go out and have fun with. Most of my friends are in relationships and hence are not really up for going out or on the look-out. Im just so confused, will it be like this forever? I certainly hope not! I just wish I could get some sound advice that would help me in my pursuit for happiness and no more lonliness, hopefully I could even meet someone of the opposite sex in the same shoes as me!

I really look forward to getting some good responses.

Thank you

[okapa]

Man, 23 years old is early to settle down, you should be having fun right now and worrying about that when you're 30 or something like that.

[lucky614]

my story is close to your but im 31 i never went to college right after school i joined the military and spent 6 years in spec ops constantly deployed to a hot zone somewhere till i got hurt which left me laid up for almost 2 years 8mo before i could even get out of bed and really im not completely healed after 6 years but while i was layed up all i did was play video games and drink beer then when i got back home i had gained a whole lot of weight and all of my friends had either moved away or were married or both and bieng from a small town there isnt much life around anyways

[Citycat]

Most of my friends are in relationships and hence are not really up for going out or on the look-out.

You don't have to go out clubbing in order to meet girls. Make the best of the little time your friends can offer you. I suggest you go and play billiards or darts, there are girls at such places. You have to enlarge your circle of friends. You're so young. You should be having fun. I know it's hard since you work long hours. How about taking dance lessons? Those places usually lack men and are good places for meeting woman.

Im just so confused, will it be like this forever?

This is the question I ask myself sometimes. I've also had a long relationship and all my friends either work or are married or in a long relationships (I'm finishing Uni and don't have to have a steady job yet). I hang with all of them whenever they can. If you have 7 or more friends, you'll be able to hang with some every day. You have to take initiative and invite people out. As for meeting the right one, well, I don't think it's totally up to us (there's the destiny factor or however you wanna call it) but you have to try finding her. "God help those who help themselves". Just try to communicate more with people and meet new people. You never know with whom someone might introduce you to. You can also approach woman you meet in the streets by asking them for directions, offering them to carry their bags, compliment them on piece of clothing etc.

Best luck

[Kromat]

I know it's hard since you work long hours. How about taking dance lessons? Those places usually lack men and are good places for meeting woman.

Everyone is suggesting dance lessons like myself, it's like the plague now.
That is so true that guys are so scared to overcome their fears.

At first I wasn't that great at Latin Dancing, I had to take at least 2 years before I started to become comfortable and confident.
It's going to be my 6th year, and have a partner that is comfortable with me and will join me in the advanced class.

It's just like getting worked up over something that is going wrong.
Learn from the experience and move on as you express yourself.

Rejection is only in your mind, don't let fear control your life.

P.S. Life needs variety, so try something that you wanted to or think that a girl might like when your around her.

LEARN : ( One of these )
1. Dancing, 2. Cook, 3. Piano, 4. Guitar, 5. Paint

Good luck with yourself.

[freebee]

I can relate to you, and I am 33. I am a late boomer, didn't have long term relationships in 20'. I was busy with study, now I shudder when I heard of school

you are not alone

Now besides work, I am trying to talk to God, ask Him WHERE IS THE MR RIGHT. I tried to do different hobbies, still felt empty inside. Now I think it is better to talk to God. I believed God promised me a certain man (another half sphere) but he is pissing me off, I want to run from the mess, but don't think I have leeway. The men around my area I don't have interest to date

I really want a man in my life, but if really he is in my life, will I feel fulfilled and not lonely? I doubt, sometimes man can be such an a** I didn't say you are

I don't know what to do. I cannot not want man, but if I have one, I still feel too much trouble

[nejie]

guys, just have fun and you need to stop waiting or most likely you would end up making the wrong choice.. city cat is right, if you spend so much time at work, why don't you get a massage, treat yourself go to a fine restaurant with some friends, or watch a movie,better sweat yourself out engage to sports, do SOMETHING on your spare time so you can stop thinking about it..if the time comes, whether you like it or not, love will find its way on you..

[boobaa]

LEARN : ( One of these )
1. Dancing, 2. Cook, 3. Piano, 4. Guitar, 5. Paint

Good luck with yourself.

Ok, I don't know about the first 4, but how does Painting help socializing? In my opinion, it is very individual thing to do.

[Asparagoose]

I work long hours and this cuts out a lot of my socialising time and hence the time that I do get off I just dont know who I could go out and have fun with.

It sounds like you need to forget about finding someone to be in a relationship with, and shift your focus on developing or expanding your social circle first. People get lonely, it's natural. That's what friends are for. If you don't have any, or if you have ones you can't go out with and you enjoy going out, then you need to look for some new friends first.

Most of my friends are in relationships and hence are not really up for going out or on the look-out. Im just so confused, will it be like this forever? I certainly hope not!

It will be exactly like this forever until the end of time! What motivation do your friends have to be on the look-out for you? Don't wait there for a hand-out to come your way. Hand-outs are usually crap. Though you might be feeling lonely, why would you settle for crap if you could do better?

hopefully I could even meet someone of the opposite sex in the same shoes as me!

I've been doing some thinking. Why don't you sit in on an English workshop class at a college or university near you? You don't even have to register for the class, just ask the professor if you can sit in the class because you are going to come back to school next semester and want to see how workshop classes are before you go ahead and register for 4-5 of them in one semester.

I know it sounds childish, but think about it! You get to sit in a room with 10-15 people, of which the vast majority are women. Sure, some of them might be strange or weird, some of them might not be doing anything with their career or life, and most of them won't be too good looking at all. But there has to be at least 1 or maybe even 2 girls there "especially in the Fall semester coming up", that are people you can see yourself being in a relationship with.

If you're any good looking, you'll immediately stand out as the only cute guy in that class. She'll already make it her mission to stand out and get your attention. Add to that, classroom discussion and where you stand right now in life, she'll ponder over the novelty of dating someone like you. You can also get to know each other through your work and classroom discussion which will offer you both a medium to explore each other on a deeper level than just looks and stares. If you don't find anyone you like, just leave. It's not like you registered or paid for it.

[Papsy]

Hi everyone,

Thank you very much for the replies and the suggestions. All your advice is very helpful but the only thing is how do I get over my fear of going up to that someone?

[Asparagoose]

how do I get over my fear of going up to that someone?

No clue. I know what you're talking about. We've all felt it hold us back, but it's one of those things that "just happens" sooner or later. The sooner you stop feeling it, the sooner you won't feel anything holding you back from doing what you want to do.

[url]http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Science-of-Fear/Daniel-Gardner/e/9780525950622[/url]

[Papsy]

Hi All,

The funniest and most embarrasing and nervous times are when I see some nice girl, walking or sitting down somewhere and I get all charged up, saying to myself that I will go and speak to her no matter what rejections I get I will overcome them and at least get a number or something. However as get closer, my legs just turn into jelly and my mouth all dried up, not knowing what I want to say to her. Im constantly thinking in the back of my mind that the girl must be thinking what kind of freak am I, also why is this ugly guy coming to me (i dont know why i keep on thinking that I am ugly but I am not, since childhood I have had this thing). So that is my dilemma and its still sticks to this day!

[Asparagoose]

I get that feeling sometimes too.

[url]http://www.darkandpink.com/comics/20080318.gif[/url]

[Citycat]

Just approach. It's as simple as that. We women love to be approached (yes, even by the ugly guys, and I'm sure you're not as ugly as you're imagining you are). Everybody likes compliments. There's nothing to be afraid of when you approach someone. You have nothing to lose by doing it.

[Kromat]

I get that feeling sometimes too.

[url]http://www.darkandpink.com/comics/20080318.gif[/url]

That is so funny.

Look around sometimes, when you see someone that is not as attractive on the outside, but is probably enough inside by the way he expresses himself, that people tend to like him.

P.S. For example, I have always thought of myself as not being attractive enough, and it really hurt my chances when approaching girls.
I know now that I just have to confidence in myself, and If it requires me to express myself through dance, or exercise It'll help when I'm around anyone and won't hesitate to express how I feel.
Rejection is like fear, once you overcome it, it becomes easier the next time your faced with the situation and learn to adapt.