And yet again...

[Cain]

I think that her not being happy with herself ties into not giving 100%. I've already told her that we will never both always give 100%. I haven't always given 100%, so I don't know where she gets it. I do know that I will make it very clear that we can't keep going on breaks when there's a problem, but I'm not doing that until we manage to get back together because she's too fragile right now and I don't want to make things worse.

[Cain]

She didn't give you a non-ambiguous answer. You're still on hold. What's so urgent? Has a billionaire made a proposal to you and right now you have to decide between love and money? I suggest you wait till the end of September, and if you don't get back together, feel free to break up permanently with her.

Why am I going to set a time line for me to break things off for good if I don't tell her what the time line is? All I was doing was making sure we were on the same page and that she knew that I wasn't going to wait if she wasn't going to work on this.

[Citycat]

It seemed to me that you're pushing her to tell you NOW what it's going to be, but now she doesn't know. Hence I thought you set time for her to make things clear NOW, and that's why I suggested you to move the time limit.

[shh!]

I kind of disagree with lesa... In a long-term relationship, it is common that a person give more than they get (and vice-versa) from time to time. The thing one needs to be careful of is that it all basically evens out overall. (This is probably what she meant, anyway.)

Cain - are you this girl's first relationship?

[Cain]

It seemed to me that you're pushing her to tell you NOW what it's going to be, but now she doesn't know. Hence I thought you set time for her to make things clear NOW, and that's why I suggested you to move the time limit.

No, I am not telling her that I want to know everything that's happening right now. I have until March, so it's pointless for me to set a time limit for September. All I wanted to do was make it clear that I won't wait if she's not trying.

And I wanted to know the real reason for the break. Not just "I don't really know" answers.

[Citycat]

Cain - are you this girl's first relationship?

I bet they're each other's longest relationship. That's why they're handling this the way they are.

[Cain]

I kind of disagree with lesa... In a long-term relationship, it is common that a person give more than they get (and vice-versa) from time to time. The thing one needs to be careful of is that it all basically evens out overall. (This is probably what she meant, anyway.)

Cain - are you this girl's first relationship?

No, she's had others. One was four years, another was over a year, another was about the same... another was me. Those are the main ones. She probably had a couple short ones in between.

[Citycat]

No, I am not telling her that I want to know everything that's happening right now. I have until March, so it's pointless for me to set a time limit for September. All I wanted to do was make it clear that I won't wait if she's not trying.

And I wanted to know the real reason for the break. Not just "I don't really know" answers.

Potato potato, you're still pushing for the answers NOW.

[Cain]

I bet they're each other's longest relationship. That's why they're handling this the way they are.

I'm not her longest. She's my longest only because I don't stay interested in the girl's I've dated.

What is with you and time? It has NOTHING to do with why I'm not letting go. If I didn't give a shit about her, I wouldn't care that we're broken up. And don't tell me that a relationship doesn't last a year and a half if they don't care about each other... they do happen. I'm just saying that just because of the time has nothing to do with it. It's my feelings for her that are the reason.

[Cain]

Potato potato, you're still pushing for the answers NOW.

Who cares? I don't.

I'm not going to just sit back while she makes all the decisions. This shit affects me just as much as it affects her and I feel that I should be allowed to know the reason for the damn break.

[lesa]

Oh I forgot to mention that when they do say those things it means they feel a little pressured. And as Citycat mentioned, she may still feel that way by pressuring her into answers and time. Give her time. You are not helping it better at all. You are helping it get worse.

[shh!]

Cain, are you sure another guy hasn't caught her eye? I'm not suggesting that she has acted upon it, but maybe she is having second thoughts because her mind is wandering. If that is the case, this (what appears to be) desperation to keep her in your clutches will only alienate her further. I think you should back off a little. There is no rush for her to make a decision unless you are interested in dating someone else. Let her miss you a little.

[Citycat]

Who cares? I don't.

I'm not going to just sit back while she makes all the decisions. This shit affects me just as much as it affects her and I feel that I should be allowed to know the reason for the damn break.

I agree, but you're still not getting the clear answer. Change the method of asking or stop asking.

[misombra]

cain, you're messing yourself up with this behavior.

she wants a break from you. meaning she doesn't want to deal with you for a while and all your drama.

the emails. the calls. the constant interrogation and pushing her to give you answers that you want to hear are pushing her away.

you're ****ing it all up. sorry.

[Citycat]

Cain, do the math from these answers which came from females.
Let her call you first (once she's ready).
It's interesting how you advised users with similar problems in a different way.
And, remember, we are trying to help you save the relationship, not to bicker with you.