And yet again...

[Junket]

'Til March?

Yikes, power to you.

Y'know there's something I came across during my visits with Amy that I never would've expected. I don't know about you or her, but even though I always wanted to spend MORE time with her, I came to realize, I just NEED my personal time. I would become disgruntled, and irritable if I spent more than 2 consecutive days with her. I didn't know anyone else in her area, so there wasn't anyone else to spend time with. I had looked forward to New Years with her, but with 4 days to spend with her? I was just a big bundle of negativity by the 3rd day.

It was confusing because logically, I wanted to spend more time with her, but my natural temperament couldn't handle it.

If she has a lot of other things going on, an obligation to hang out with you isn't going to help any. I hope things work out for you two, but based on my experience, I have my doubts.

[Cain]

'Til March?

Yikes, power to you.

Y'know there's something I came across during my visits with Amy that I never would've expected. I don't know about you or her, but even though I always wanted to spend MORE time with her, I came to realize, I just NEED my personal time. I would become disgruntled, and irritable if I spent more than 2 consecutive days with her. I didn't know anyone else in her area, so there wasn't anyone else to spend time with. I had looked forward to New Years with her, but with 4 days to spend with her? I was just a big bundle of negativity by the 3rd day.

It was confusing because logically, I wanted to spend more time with her, but my natural temperament couldn't handle it.

If she has a lot of other things going on, an obligation to hang out with you isn't going to help any. I hope things work out for you two, but based on my experience, I have my doubts.

Communication is important to any relationship. If she can't communicate her feelings to me, this relationship was never going to work anyways.

The visits never seemed to do that. It was always hard to leave at the end of the visit, even when we'd spent a week or so together in the past.

[Cain]

eh. when i was younger i would date guys that would say things like that about me when i would break it off with them.

"oh she's depressed, her father was absent, this and that or the other is wrong with her."

when in reality it was just that i didn't want to be attached to anybody.

People need to be more blunt and honest. If she truly didn't want to be attached and that was it, I'd rather her tell me so I can move the hell on.

The problem is... until I know what's going on, I can't just drop her.

[misombra]

nobody's telling you to drop her.

we're all just trying to help you make the right moves and to support you.

okay?

[Junket]

Communication is important, but in my situation? I didn't even understand why I was getting disgruntled, so what could I say?

Also, girls think much differently than guys, obviously. She may not be thinking "I don't want to attached", but she may be feeling it, without realizing it. I understand your want for answers and reasoning, but sometimes you won't always find it.

[Cain]

nobody's telling you to drop her.

we're all just trying to help you make the right moves and to support you.

okay?

And while I understand that, I'm getting conflicting opinions. Some are say just to be inactive and make no contact. Some are saying that finding out in a couple of days what is going on is best. I've read things elsewhere as well. Some places say to just drop contact and let her come back to me while some say that because women act on emotion, by me just dropping contact, it might make her think I lost my feelings for her.

I'd also like to add, which I forgot to previously, that while we were talking last night and I basically told her that I couldn't do this anymore without saying that, she kept asking "what are you saying?" She seemed hurt with the idea that I was ending us completely.

[Cain]

Communication is important, but in my situation? I didn't even understand why I was getting disgruntled, so what could I say?

Also, girls think much differently than guys, obviously. She may not be thinking "I don't want to attached", but she may be feeling it, without realizing it. I understand your want for answers and reasoning, but sometimes you won't always find it.

Which is why I think she needs to see her therapist again.

[Junket]

Hey dude, if you really can't put up with the on/off stuff, then let her know. If you want her to be direct, you gotta be direct, too.

[shh!]

I'm sorry you are having troubles, Cain. I can't really add much more than what's been said already, but I think what charlieboy said is probably along the lines of what I'd advise... she needs to see you in a position of strength, and see that you have enough going on in your life that her presence is welcome, but not necessary. I don't advise just showing up at her door. Tell her you will give her a couple of weeks with no contact, and then you will call her to see if you can get together to talk.

[anachronistic]

I dated a girl that was like that. For 3 years. I got sick of the bullshit and moved on.

I think you just need to be aware of the outcome; you just might end up doing the same thing. I think that would be for the better. Things will work out.

[Cain]

I dated a girl that was like that. For 3 years. I got sick of the bullshit and moved on.

I think you just need to be aware of the outcome; you just might end up doing the same thing. I think that would be for the better. Things will work out.

Leaving her definitely won't be for the better.

This isn't just some childhood high school romance.

This is a woman I was ready to marry and I'm not going to write this relationship off unless she tells me it's over for good.

[Gribble]

You know her a hell of a lot better than us, Cain. Put aside the emotion for just a moment. Don't let it cloud your judgment. Now, pick through the conflicting advice you were offered, reflect on what you've been considering on your own, take what you think best applies to your girl and discard the rest.

[Cain]

You know her a hell of a lot better than us, Cain. Put aside the emotion for just a moment. Don't let it cloud your judgment. Now, pick through the conflicting advice you were offered, reflect on what you've been considering on your own, take what you think best applies to your girl and discard the rest.

This is my plan so far:

Earlier, I sent her a text telling her that I wanted to order some flowers for her to take with her when she goes to the cemetery. She replied back saying that it was a very nice thought but I didn't have to do that. I left that alone.

I did want to handle a couple of things, so I asked her to give me a call later tonight so we could talk about a couple of things. My plan is to simply ask her where we're at right now. Are we broken up? Are we still together but just on a break? If she has anything to say, she'll be able to. I'll ask her how her day was, how she's doing. I'll also tell her that I'm going to give her the next three weeks to sort her thoughts. I won't invade her space or contact her except for maybe an occasional text. If she wants to talk to me, she can initiate. I'll also mention that I'd like to have a face to face with her in September after we've had a few weeks apart so we can sort our thoughts about where we're at in person.

I also want to give her another chance at telling me that she doesn't love me. If she can tell me that, it'll make things easier... I'll walk away. If not, the plan will continue.

In September is when we're going to have a really heartfelt talk. That's where things will get dealt with or not. Unless she initiates other aspects of the relationship on the phone tonight, I won't be bringing it up.

[shh!]

I don't think you should ask her anything tonight. I think you should just ask her if she got through her day okay, and tell her you want to take a break with no contact for a few weeks, and then you are hoping to get together and talk in person.

Why does she need to clarify anything at this point? Are you wanting to go and date someone right away?

[anachronistic]

I don't think you should ask her anything tonight. I think you should just ask her if she got through her day okay, and tell her you want to take a break with no contact for a few weeks, and then you are hoping to get together and talk in person.

Why does she need to clarify anything at this point? Are you wanting to go and date someone right away?

I agree with this. Complete space. Maybe you should let her come to you before you talk to her again.