And yet again...

[Cain]

I don't think you should ask her anything tonight. I think you should just ask her if she got through her day okay, and tell her you want to take a break with no contact for a few weeks, and then you are hoping to get together and talk in person.

Why does she need to clarify anything at this point? Are you wanting to go and date someone right away?

Because it'll help ME get through the next three weeks. Maybe I'm a weak little pussy, but I really love this girl and knowing where we stand is important for me to be able to deal with this. Thinking about not talking to her at all for the next few weeks kills me.

[Cain]

I agree with this. Complete space. Maybe you should let her come to you before you talk to her again.

And that is what's going to happen after our talk tonight.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, thinking back to GrkScorp & Mish's comments, there seems to be some benefit to the 'letting her miss you more than you do' attitude. For some mindsets, anyway.

At least that attitude will allow you to get your own stuff (school, etc) under control, meantime. I definitely wouldn't leave the timeframe for discussion open-ended, tho, if I were you. You're not her doormat, to be picked up & dusted off only when she's ready to wipe her feet on you.

[Cain]

Well, thinking back to GrkScorp & Mish's comments, there seems to be some benefit to the 'letting her miss you more than you do' attitude. For some mindsets, anyway.

At least that attitude will allow you to get your own stuff (school, etc) under control, meantime. I definitely wouldn't leave the timeframe for discussion open-ended, tho, if I were you. You're not her doormat, to be picked up & dusted off only when she's ready to wipe her feet on you.

Which is why I chose to talk to her tonight, give her three weeks of space, and then have our face to face. If she isn't willing to let me have the face to face, then this break is going to probably turn into a breakup.

[anachronistic]

And that is what's going to happen after our talk tonight.

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the **** are you going to talk to her tonight? let things be!

[Cain]

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the **** are you going to talk to her tonight? let things be!

Just like she needs space to work things out, I need a couple of answers so I can handle shit for the next three weeks. If she can't handle answering a couple of ****ing questions so she can have her three weeks of space, then she's obviously not worth waiting for.

[IndiReloaded]

Because it'll help ME get through the next three weeks. Maybe I'm a weak little pussy, but I really love this girl and knowing where we stand is important for me to be able to deal with this. Thinking about not talking to her at all for the next few weeks kills me.

You are going to shoot yourself in the foot, Cain. You are letting your emotions get the better of your judgement. What is so URGENT about things? You are letting your fear hormones drive you, you know this.

Emotions go up & intellect goes down.

Noone EVER solved their relationship problems in an emotional moment, Cain. Get a grip of yourself bud. Step away from the issue for at least 24 hours, I would say. No one will die, least of all you. Don't go all mental on this, Cain, we know you can do better.

[Cain]

You are going to shoot yourself in the foot, Cain. You are letting your emotions get the better of your judgement. What is so URGENT about things? You are letting your fear hormones drive you, you know this.

Emotions go up & intellect goes down.

Noone EVER solved their relationship problems in an emotional moment, Cain. Get a grip of yourself bud. Step away from the issue for at least 24 hours, I would say. No one will die, least of all you. Don't go all mental on this, Cain, we know you can do better.

Forget it. I'll just leave the contact out for the next week or two.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah once a person starts demanding to "know where I stand" they're headed for a dumping.

[IndiReloaded]

Cain, trust us. If you can stay away from her for even a week, you will have a much better read on the situation.

Harm in leaving her alone for a while if she truly cares? = None.

The only thing you might do is, perhaps, delay the inevitable IF she's thinking of breakup. But no harm there at all.

Harm if you push her to the issue before she's ready? = You lose her.

Noone likes to be dragged to face an issue before they are ready. And noone should *have* to do so. She has asked you for space, so respect that request & give it to her (for a while, anyway, NOT indefinitely). Suck it up, man!

[IndiReloaded]

yeah once a person starts demanding to "know where I stand" they're headed for a dumping.

I completely agree. In fact, I've dumped a couple of guys long time ago for this very reason. It speaks to an inability to control oneself & its just very, very unpleasant.

Save yourself, Cain. Vent here, but don't go there.

[Cain]

I'd rather know that I lost her then spend the next week thinking I might lose her. I don't know if that makes any sense, but knowing that I've lost her will be easier than spending the week thinking I might.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, its all about you ultimately. Good luck, Cain.

[Cain]

Well, its all about you ultimately. Good luck, Cain.

If you all think it's best that I don't say anything tonight, fine. I'll wait. I'll ask how her day was, see how she's doing, and tell her I'm going to give her the space she wants and that she can call me when she's ready.

I will say, though, that if we break up, I'm going to be done dating for a long time.

[anachronistic]

Cain, seriously. Let her approach you next time. Can't elaborate on that enough; you're being demanding of her dependence when she needs to be independent for a while.