And yet again...

[Cain]

Around August 5th of last year, my gf and I broke up for the first time. We spent the next two months on and off.. until we got back together in early October. Things have been great since then... until the last couple of days. I sensed that something was wrong, and today it was confirmed. We're on another "break."

She's been in a lot of bad relationships. Her emotions have been messed up, but after seeing a therapist for a few months after we started having problems, she was getting better. Eventually, however, she stopped seeing the therapist. She's told me that everything she's said to me is true. She just isn't happy with herself right now and she can't be happy with me if she isn't happy with herself. That's understandable.

I almost did what I normally do in this situation. I was ready to erase her from my life completely. I was ready to clear my heart of her and end all communication. I practically told her as much. However, I couldn't do it. I called her and told her that regardless of where we stood right now, I wasn't quitting on "us." I wasn't giving up. I had told her in the past that I needed her in my life and I mean it. And I also told her, like I did before, that unless she tells me she doesn't love me, doesn't want to be with me ever again, or finds a new guy, I'm not going anywhere.

The issue at hand now is this: She was supposed to be coming here next week for about a week. That obviously isn't happening now. I was then going to be going there in September and spending about three weeks there. Basically, I still want to get there in September. I feel that this situation is something that needs to be talked about in person, but I don't want to tell her I am going there in September because I don't want her to try to push me away. So my question is, to those with actual opinions, should I still go there in September so I can see where we stand in person? So that we can discuss the issues face to face.

It's a four hour drive from my house to her school, but I'm willing to take the chance that she'll tell me to go back home right when I get there. It's something that I feel I need to do.

Anyways, feel free to give advice.

[Gribble]

If she wants a break she wants a break. You drive out there and you're likely to piss the chick off. If it's worth waiting for, relax. Give her a little space. See where things stand down the road.

[Cain]

If she wants a break she wants a break. You drive out there and you're likely to piss the chick off. If it's worth waiting for, relax. Give her a little space. See where things stand down the road.

Normally, I'd most definitely agree with you. I give the same advice. This situation is a tad bit different, though. If she needs a break, fine. But this still needs to be something we talk about face to face. I've never been fond of breaking things off on the phone.

It's not like I'm going to keep calling/texting/visiting her all of the time. This is a one time thing.

[anachronistic]

What happened?

[misombra]

aaaw cain. i'm sorry you're feeling bad.

i'm rooting for you!

[Cain]

What happened?

What I know has been put into the original post. I don't think this is the end. She still sees me in her future and I believe her when she says it.

She also doesn't know what it is that has caused her to need the break. Everyone has to remember that we are in a LDR which I'm sure is adding extra stress to the situation. It also doesn't help, I'm sure, that we'll be dealing with this distance until March.

And aside from her emotional problems and her best friend's (who died) birthday being tomorrow, she doesn't know if she'll have time for me because she'll be in grad school.

I think her problem is she feels she needs to be able to give 115% into this relationship or she shouldn't be in it. I don't feel the same way. I think there will always be rough patches and that there will always be times where the relationship is hanging in there... there will never be a relationship where it's always 115% all the time. I think she just needs to realize that.

I need to talk to her, face to face, in September. If she wants the break, fine. But we still need a face to face talk.

[Cain]

aaaw cain. i'm sorry you're feeling bad.

i'm rooting for you!

I actually cried like a pussy at first, but I'm better now.

I'm better only because I know it's not over. I have faith that things are going to work themselves out.

[Mish]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened, things were going good between you two this must have caught you by surprise.

I recommend to give her some space for the next couple of weeks and then maybe you can bring up the meeting face to face in September again when the heads are a bit cooler. I'm for talking face to face instead of the phone as well.

What were the issues and her exact words when she wanted a break? Ussually it's a couple of things or combination of things that create breaks, do you know what they are?

[misombra]

she's probably very depressed because her friend died.

[Cain]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened, things were going good between you two this must have caught you by surprise.

I recommend to give her some space for the next couple of weeks and then maybe you can bring up the meeting face to face in September again when the heads are a bit cooler. I'm for talking face to face instead of the phone as well.

What were the issues and her exact words when she wanted a break? Ussually it's a couple of things or combination of things that create breaks, do you know what they are?

We've already canceled the visit that was going to happen next week. But, if I go there in September, I'm not telling her about it. I know her and I know that she's going to say not to. She's extremely indecisive. When we broke up last year, she told me not to come up there unless she told me to, but there were times that she had a feeling I was coming up there and she was happy. She worked at a pizza place for about 15 hours a week while in school and she heard a guy order that sounded like me and she had it in her head I was coming up there... when she told me about it, I asked her if she would have been mad, and she said no.

And the reasons I've already listed were pretty much the reason for the break. She couldn't tell me the exact reason... there wasn't an exact reason. She just isn't happy with herself and she doesn't feel like she can make me happy if she isn't happy with herself. It's something she has to work out on her own... I just feel we need a face to face talk.

[Cain]

she's probably very depressed because her friend died.

The only thing that bothers me about that is it's not like she's just sitting around doing nothing and crying about her friend. The last three days we've not talked much... about 5 minutes per day. She was out at a baseball game with girls from work, dinner, bar on Saturday... then shopping with her mom all day yesterday and out with some friends from high school... and then at the lake today with a friend of hers from work.

She wasn't as cold as she was last year though... she didn't cry last year. She cried this time.

[anachronistic]

Uh oh. That choice of words sounds very scary to me.

[Cain]

Uh oh. That choice of words sounds very scary to me.

Feel free to elaborate.

[IndiReloaded]

Cain, if she is starting grad school this Sept she is going to be busy and stressed as hell. I would bet that's a large part of what is going on in her mind.

Just give her the space she asks for. Its not like she's going to be using it to see other guys. As far as a 3 week visit in Sept, I think that's a bit much under the circumstances & given how busy she will be. The last thing you want to do is add to her stress by making her feel like she needs to entertain or look after you. But, yes, you definitely want to see her in person to sort things out, however, I would advise against just showing up w/out warning.

Try not to worry, I'm sure this is just a phase. Try to relax & let things come as they will.

[Cain]

Cain, if she is starting grad school this Sept she is going to be busy and stressed as hell. I would bet that's a large part of what is going on in her mind.

Just give her the space she asks for. Its not like she's going to be using it to see other guys. As far as a 3 week visit in Sept, I think that's a bit much under the circumstances & given how busy she will be. The last thing you want to do is add to her stress by making her feel like she needs to entertain or look after you. But, yes, you definitely want to see her in person to sort things out, however, I would advise against just showing up w/out warning.

Try not to worry, I'm sure this is just a phase. Try to relax & let things come as they will.

Oh, I definitely wasn't saying that I was expecting to be there for three weeks. I was saying that the original plan was for me to be there for three weeks. My new plan was just to be there for a day to talk to her about all of this and to see what happens then.

I'm definitely confident that there's not another guy. I'm extremely picky when it comes to the women I'm with and one of those factors is not being one of those girls that just moves from guy to guy. She's honest. If there was another guy, she'd have told me.

I'm going to wait it out and let things work out the way they are supposed to. I'm confident that in the end, we'll be together. I'm not looking for someone else.

And I understand that grad school, her emotions around this time of year, and the fact that we're separated by distance is stressful, but we need to talk about it so we can work out what the issue is so we know where we stand.