my foreign crush...is it completely lost?

[allegria]

Here is my story. I met this French guy in the summer in a resort club in a different country and we had a great time together, I really liked him ….a lot – we spent the whole night together, talking, dancing, and kissing - of course he was interested in sex, but we did not get down to actually doing anything. He was a real gentleman, very romantic (more than many girls I know myself included), and seemed very honest and open about his life. He is 35 (I'm 26) and was implying that he is at that stage in his life where he is looking for a serious relationship (he also said that he broke up with his girlfriend 3 months ago, and she broke his heart).



I had a really amazing time with him - we just seem to click – we talked a lot, and he seemed so enamored with me….he couldn't stop kissing my hands, lips, etc. and was constantly asking me to go to his hometown to take a course in the university there or something of that sort so that we can be together (I live in canada) (language was a bit of problem too since my French and his English are not the best, and when we saw each other on the beach the next day we exchanged emails. He promised to email me and he did actually – a few days after he returned home. In his email he was telling me how much he enjoyed our time together and was offering to become my French teacher…I replied two days later saying that I loved the idea, but was hoping he would be patient enough. I also said I loved our time together, missed him in the club the next time I went there (and was annoyed by an awful guy who was pestering him as well while there), and that I thought he was a very sexy man. The thing is, I said all that in French and I probably made mistakes and sounded stupid more often than not….Also, I sent him a photo of myself, because he had asked me before. Now two weeks later, he still hasn't replied. It is true that in his email he said something like "give me a sign that you think of me from time to time", but still - should I have waited for weeks before replying???



I would really like to hear from you guys – did I come on too strong complimenting him so much, or gave myself away too easily "fulfilling his every wish" (sending a photo right away), or telling him that I went to the club after he left (perhaps he thought that I kept "looking around" even after he left) ....or simply made a fool of myself in his native language….? I don't know if I scared him somehow, because his letter definitely sounded as a request for something more long term to come (I mean: "becoming my teacher!") and now I feel like I did/said something that changed his mind.



Also, is there any hope and anything in your opinion that a girl in this situation can do to rekindle his interest and not completely lose her dignity (I also have his phone #)?



Thanks a lot for all your input in advance! I can really benefit from your opinions!

Hopeless

[AstroPanther]

Hello Allegria! Hopefully my perspective as a male can help you out, although we aren't all the same. Your situation is interesting. When he said, "Give me a sign that you think of me from time to time," and you're wondering if that was his friendly way of saying, "Back off for a while," I don't think that's what he meant. If I were to use those exact words with a girl, it would be because I don't want to seem too desperate or unrealistic. I'm going to be far away and I don't know when I'll see you again. Will you remember me? I don't know. So I'm going to bargain with you, and see if you'll at least e-mail me sometimes. Even just a little. That way, I'm not setting myself up for disappointment.

You've probably considered this, but is there any chance that the French in your e-mail was impossible for him to comprehend? Even if that was the case, he could have replied and let you know it didn't make sense.

The thing about being a guy, and dating, is that we generally don't play hard to get because we actually want to. We do it because we've experienced failure with women too many times by showing them exactly how we feel and giving them exactly what they want. So, we adjust our game plan, and learn to pretend we're not interested. But we usually are, especially when the attraction is mutual (as it was in your case). As long as a girl isn't practically stalking me, I'm totally cool with getting attention from her. So, in my opinion, I wouldn't worry that you gave too much. The giving seems mutual to me. After all, a kiss means more than a photo.

In the end, there are so many unanswered questions here that he may be the only person who can answer them. For instance, he recently broke up with his girlfriend. Are they still seeing each other? Did they, perhaps, get back together? Could he understand your e-mail? Or did your e-mail somehow never make it? What if he's way over there wondering why you didn't reply?

A phone call can always be played off as a simple, friendly call to say hello and see how he's doing. Maybe a conversation will ensue. If the very worst happens (he says nothing), your escape is that you just wanted to say thanks for the wonderful time you had together that summer. It's short, uncomplicated, undemanding, and pleasant. In doing that, you'll not only know that he knows you responded to him, but you'll leave the door open for him to contact you as well.

I wish you well, as things can be unstable and unpredictable at times, but no matter what happens, try to be fair with yourself and don't assume that you're the only one to blame.

[starbuck]

I don't know, it could be his M.O. to seduce foreign women in the hopes of getting a little no-strings-attached sex. Sorry to be so cynical, but that's the first thing that came to mind when I started reading your post. He could also have alot of girls on the side, it's really hard to know with a long distance fling with a stranger. I definitely wouldn't pick apart what you wrote to him because more than likely it wasn't anything you said.

Sorry, I know you were probably hoping for a more positive response. I'd be interested in hearing what other guys have to say, because I'm coming from the point of view of a semi-skeptical woman.

[allegria]

Thanks a lot for your answer AstroPanther!
It all really makes sense and when I was reading your post, I thought "now there is a guy who really understand the human side of it all...and doesn't preach always playing games".

In any case, I think I might give it just one more shot with a "pathetic" goodbye email saying that I am glad I met him and thanks for the time we had, and see if he will at least reply to that.

Starbuck, thank you for your post too! I see your point, because I've had experience with quite a few guys like that, but I would really like to believe this one is different (ultimately surely he wants sex too) but why else would he bother suggest becoming my "regular french teacher" and invest so much time?