Hatred

[misombra]

you can love somebody without wanting to be with them.

[Cain]

you can love somebody without wanting to be with them.

According to her, she doesn't love me anymore.

And it's not just that. It's all the bullshit she's fed me to try and justify it... and some of them make no sense at all. Some of them are complete opposites to others.

She can handle the distance one day but then on another distance is one of the reasons for the break up.

[misombra]

why are you even talking to her when she is telling you nothing but bullshit?

if i were you i'd cut contact. wait, i thought you said you'd done that already?

[Cain]

why are you even talking to her when she is telling you nothing but bullshit?

if i were you i'd cut contact. wait, i thought you said you'd done that already?

I had. It had been two weeks since we had spoken. The only reason that we spoke a few days ago was because of something she did. I cut contact again.

[misombra]

well, you contacted her and she still fed you a bunch of bullshit.

next time you'll know what you can expect.

[Cain]

well, you contacted her and she still fed you a bunch of bullshit.

next time you'll know what you can expect.

She called me.

[misombra]

you answered.

[Cain]

you answered.

So what?

Regardless of what happened between us, I'm still going to be there for her if she needs me. I didn't know if it was important or not.

I don't know what it is about this situation that makes people think I should be able to just drop all contact with no problems. I was in love with this girl and this was an extremely serious relationship. Maybe I'm just different from everyone else, but with how I felt about her, there's no way I could just not be there for her if she needed me.

[misombra]

well then if you're going to be there for her when she calls then don't be mad when she serves you bullshit.

[IndiReloaded]

God Cain, you are making me regret checking up on you.

Have some pride, man. This gal is kicking you in the balls and you are taking it & asking for more. WTF? Maybe someone else already said this, but you, sweetheart, have devolved into her "Plan B" guy.

You need to go NC so you can preserve what's left of your dignity. This gal told you she is *happier now she is with another guy*. Which is just a sick way of her digging at you, don't you see? She sounds like a calcuating bitch, frankly. Now, I'm sure she *seems* all psuedo nicey etc when she's talking to you, but you need to realize she is just reeling you in like a fish on a line. She's slapped you in the face & you are turning the other cheek. She does NOT respect you for this, I guarantee it. Your efforts are going into a black hole.

Remember what I said about monkeys & branches? Well, this is your ex. She isn't sure juuuuust yet whether her new guy is better than you were, so she's going to keep you on the hook until she is sure. Or until she dumps the poor new fellow & comes running back to her good, old, stable (but slightly stupid) Cain-baby.

Get it? You are the Plan B hanky that she has blown her snot into but she's not quite ready to discard in case she has another sneeze. Sooner or later, tho, its the rubbish bin for you.

Cut this bitch off, hun. NC is the way to go, everyone is right about this. She's using you. Sorry, but that's the truth from my armchair.

[shh!]

She's with another guy now? Damn. I knew it. Cut her off entirely, Cain. Preserve your dignity.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't know what it is about this situation that makes people think I should be able to just drop all contact with no problems. I was in love with this girl and this was an extremely serious relationship.

Cain, I've had to do NC on someone I cared deeply about. Noone is saying its easy. Its not, it was actually incredibly difficult. But it IS the best way to *quickly* reset your thinking about your relationship. In my case, it was the best thing I did for that relationship & I'm glad I had the strength to go through with it.

Think of it like an addiction (it actually IS, from a biochemical view). The best way to get over an addiction is to go cold turkey. Without going into a geeky behavioural psychology explanation, just trust me that it is the fastest way to get over her.

Noone is saying you can't be friends sometime in the future, but right now you need to think of your own mental & emotional health. Because your bitch of an ex isn't concerned, that's obvious. Protect yourself and go NC for a few months. She is an adult, she has chose to live without you. So let her. You aren't married, you DON'T owe her anything, Cain, except perhaps a decent breakup, which you gave her (it seems).

[kene]

Wow, Indie reloaded hit the nail on the head as far as I'm concerned.

[Cain]

God Cain, you are making me regret checking up on you.

Have some pride, man. This gal is kicking you in the balls and you are taking it & asking for more. WTF? Maybe someone else already said this, but you, sweetheart, have devolved into her "Plan B" guy.

You need to go NC so you can preserve what's left of your dignity. This gal told you she is *happier now she is with another guy*. Which is just a sick way of her digging at you, don't you see? She sounds like a calcuating bitch, frankly. Now, I'm sure she *seems* all psuedo nicey etc when she's talking to you, but you need to realize she is just reeling you in like a fish on a line. She's slapped you in the face & you are turning the other cheek. She does NOT respect you for this, I guarantee it. Your efforts are going into a black hole.

Remember what I said about monkeys & branches? Well, this is your ex. She isn't sure juuuuust yet whether her new guy is better than you were, so she's going to keep you on the hook until she is sure. Or until she dumps the poor new fellow & comes running back to her good, old, stable (but slightly stupid) Cain-baby.

Get it? You are the Plan B hanky that she has blown her snot into but she's not quite ready to discard in case she has another sneeze. Sooner or later, tho, its the rubbish bin for you.

Cut this bitch off, hun. NC is the way to go, everyone is right about this. She's using you. Sorry, but that's the truth from my armchair.

It seems so easy, right?

Honestly, if she would have told me all of the things she told me the last time we talked when we broke up, I would have had such an easier time moving on through all of this. The problem is that I'm not sure of the reasons for all of this. Yeah, she may have broken up with me just so she could date this guy and see what happened. But maybe not. I know that to all of you it looks like it, and honestly, it does to me at times too. If she and I had a normal relationship where we weren't dealing with distance and family pressure didn't occur, then I'd have an easier time knowing what was going on and letting it sink in. We have dealt with distance for over a year and still had seven months left. I don't know if it was finally the distance that got her, added in with the pressure from her parents...

I'm doing the NC. Don't worry about that. I don't think I'll ever know what the real reason was for all of this, so I can either assume the worst or I can assume nothing.

[Cain]

She's with another guy now? Damn. I knew it. Cut her off entirely, Cain. Preserve your dignity.

So it seems. I don't know if it's that she really likes him or if it's just convenient so she can have someone to give the feelings to that she can't give to me now that we're broken up.

Like I've said, I've already decided to do the NC. And I know that there's no way we could ever get back together while we have distance between us and I'm not leaving here until I finish school. If something happens between us years and years from now, so be it. Life matures people. I'm sure I'll change a lot in the next couple of years as well. In fact, I've already started to improve on myself.