Hatred

[lesa]

Maybe. I don't know.

I've said this before... we were very close to marriage. If I had proposed, she'd have said yes.

You feel that the relationship was very serious and she did not want to go there. A lot of people talk about getting married but unless they are engaged and/or really planning the marriage then you were not very cose to marriage. Those are just words. There were no real plans and planning to live together does not count.

And at the mention that I gave more emotionally than she did, that's what was one of the things that was confusing to me. She gave just as much as I did into this relationship, but something happened at the end.

No, there is no real way to know whether she gave just as much emotionally unless you ask her. She will probably lie. It appears that she did not. Otherwise she would not be acting the way she is...unless you are saying she is seriously psycho?

Ike followed as a storm through the states and made it all the way to me up north and knocked out a lot of power. I'm currently without it. I wanted to text her and tell her to be safe, but I was proud of myself when I used restraint and said no. I'm sticking to no contact for a while.

Keeping the no contact is very difficult but I think it is necessary. You did great.

Wow, you are out of electricity. That's crazy. Why are we having so many natural disasters now?...or was it always like this and I never noticed? I think it's the latter lol.

[survivor08]

Now I have to redirect traffic from this thread.
So move along...nothing else to discuss or read..

Why the hell this thread gets some many replies? What about my postings? why the neglect? lol!!!

[Cain]

You are attached, much like I was.
The difference is I just recently gotten my balls back (hence my signature.) Let her go completely, Only God or herself can change her mind. Let her go, let her be free and see if she boomerangs back to you. Date and have fun in the mean time.

I've already said that this is what I'm going to do. I've let her go and only time will tell whether she realizes it was a mistake or not. I'm not just waiting around for her. I'm moving on with my life.

My ex was not the smartest, nor the prittiest, nor the sexiest woman I dated. I now wonder why I was so lost in the idea of being in love with her. Love is irrational sometimes.

There will always be someone out there that is better than the person you're with. To think otherwise is foolish. The thing about love is that when you fall in love with someone, she doesn't have to be the smartest, or the prettiest, or the sexiest woman around. I was in love with everything about my ex, even though I know there are better out there. I never wanted to look for someone else, though. I wanted her. I still do. But I know that right now, we both need to live our lives and experience things and see if we are attracted back to each other.

[starbuck]

Cain, I have to say you sound ALOT better than you did a few weeks ago. ALOT better. You're doing fine.

[lesa]

You are attached, much like I was.
My ex was not the smartest, nor the prittiest, nor the sexiest woman I dated. I now wonder why I was so lost in the idea of being in love with her. Love is irrational sometimes.

I know how men work.

Was the sex that good???

If it wasn't most men would not feel so bad in a breakup. It's the sex. (I want to say a different phase but I don't want to be so vulgar hehe).

[survivor08]

I know how men work.

Was the sex that good???

If it wasn't most men would not feel so bad in a breakup. It's the sex. (I want to say a different phase but I don't want to be so vulgar hehe).

Dah? of course the sex was good. Banging good, in the beginning. Then once the relationship is over, you are stuck thinking how good it used to be in the beginning, while the girl is thinking something else entirely, only thinking in the NOW...no longer what it used to be.

[Cain]

You feel that the relationship was very serious and she did not want to go there. A lot of people talk about getting married but unless they are engaged and/or really planning the marriage then you were not very cose to marriage. Those are just words. There were no real plans and planning to live together does not count.

So, the fact that we nearly went to the courthouse to get legally married isn't close enough? I'm not saying we were just talking about marriage. I'm saying that it almost happened.

No, there is no real way to know whether she gave just as much emotionally unless you ask her. She will probably lie. It appears that she did not. Otherwise she would not be acting the way she is...unless you are saying she is seriously psycho?

She says that everything she felt during the relationship was true at the time. I don't think that she's psycho, but I think that she's emotionally unstable. I'm really not sure about her.

Keeping the no contact is very difficult but I think it is necessary. You did great.

It's hard. I really don't like it. I do still worry about her and I hope that nothing happened. Luckily, I don't think the storm really touched much of where she lives.

[Cain]

I know how men work.

Was the sex that good???

If it wasn't most men would not feel so bad in a breakup. It's the sex. (I want to say a different phase but I don't want to be so vulgar hehe).

While I enjoyed the sex with my ex greatly, that is not the reason I miss her like I do. If she all of a sudden told me that she didn't want to have sex anymore before marriage, I'd have accepted it.

[Cain]

Cain, I have to say you sound ALOT better than you did a few weeks ago. ALOT better. You're doing fine.

I'm definitely better than I was a few weeks ago... and like I've said, I know why. What she's told me the last time we spoke wasn't the same thing she told me when we broke up. It's not the same thing she told me a week later. Or two weeks later. It was about three after we broke up that things started actually coming out, and once again, that's why my mind was so wrecked over this. I don't know what's real and what isn't.

All I can do now is accept it and see what happens.

[lesa]

So, the fact that we nearly went to the courthouse to get legally married isn't close enough? I'm not saying we were just talking about marriage. I'm saying that it almost happened.

Oh I see. Apologies...that is close.

While I enjoyed the sex with my ex greatly, that is not the reason I miss her like I do. If she all of a sudden told me that she didn't want to have sex anymore before marriage, I'd have accepted it.

You know I originally came to LF for advice on LDRs...not sure why I thought this was a LDR forum but something lead me to think it was at the time. Anyways I never got the advice here but I found that LDRs can cause a bond that can be different from regular local relationships. Because we rely so much on technology and communication more than physical, we tend to hmmm, uh...create a stronger intimacy bond. Hard to explain but other people in serious LDR say something like that. I am trying to NOT get serious but we seem to go that way anyways because of your constant phone communications. I never felt like this in my local relationship and I lived with him for years. We never talked about things like this LDR.

[Cain]

Oh I see. Apologies...that is close.

I don't think anyone here really understood that we were more than just talking about it.

You know I originally came to LF for advice on LDRs...not sure why I thought this was a LDR forum but something lead me to think it was at the time. Anyways I never got the advice here but I found that LDRs can cause a bond that can be different from regular local relationships. Because we rely so much on technology and communication more than physical, we tend to hmmm, uh...create a stronger intimacy bond. Hard to explain but other people in serious LDR say something like that. I am trying to NOT get serious but we seem to go that way anyways because of your constant phone communications. I never felt like this in my local relationship and I lived with him for years. We never talked about things like this LDR.

Yes, it creates something more than just a physical bond. However, if your personality is to crave a person's touch, distance is hard. When you are out with friends and you see others with their bf/gf and see how they can hold each other, you start to crave that and you start to wonder if the relationship you have is really worth not having that touch. At the time, it might not seem so. There's been times where I wished I had a girl that was local, but I was sucking it up. I just wonder if my ex couldn't suck it up anymore and wanted to see if she could get on without me.

[lesa]

I think it depends on why we want to be in a relationship. We all have different reasons, but the couple needs to have the same reasons or conflict will occur. For example, if one wanted a serious relationship and the other wanted a casual one then problems will eventually happen. If she wants closeness and constant physical touch then a LDR won't work. However, there was only about 7 months left. She chose to stay in the LDR all this time and when it got closer to becoming a local relationship she gives up???

It's more than that. Whatever these factors were they outweighed her desire to stay. Unfortunately you will probably never know...I wouldn't try to analyze her.

[Cain]

I think it depends on why we want to be in a relationship. We all have different reasons, but the couple needs to have the same reasons or conflict will occur. For example, if one wanted a serious relationship and the other wanted a casual one then problems will eventually happen. If she wants closeness and constant physical touch then a LDR won't work. However, there was only about 7 months left. She chose to stay in the LDR all this time and when it got closer to becoming a local relationship she gives up???

It's more than that. Whatever these factors were they outweighed her desire to stay. Unfortunately you will probably never know...I wouldn't try to analyze her.

I don't know the reasons. Like I said, all I or anyone else can do is speculate. As time goes by I'll be able to get over her.

I've thought about attempting to write a book. It would be based on events that happened in my life but still embellished and fiction, and my relationship with my ex would be a focus. I would be able to write an ending to it and hopefully it'd help.