depressed

[aprelka]

hi, im new here,im april from the philippines,i registered here coz i cant take this depression im feeling like for 2 months already,coz of my bf....

i met my bf like year 2006 in a bar at Beijing China,he's a russian,we had 1 night stand that crazy july night, but after that he asked me to be he's gf, then we begin to go out like date,,im 5 years older than him,,(now im 25 he's 20).....
we made everything good, despite of not knowing too much of he's background,,,he smokes weed and drink too much,and have too much friends ( ....russians),after like 8 months we decided to live together,,then i saw some of he's attitude,and i was surprised with the things i discovered about him especially about "girls",,that gave me thoughts of him cheating on me(like emails,sms and calls), but those i didnt have proof until that one cold night year 2007,,i waited for him at work coz he promised of fetching me after work,but he didnt show up,phone power off, i got home alone and still waited until the morning, like 8 am he got home, he looks wasted,he's sweatshirt with some kind of white dirt in front,then my heart pounded,i cant talk, 7 hours of cryin i had,it took 4 hours to let him talk about what he did, he said he had 1 night stand with a "chinese"(i dont believe that she's...)....after that its very f**king hard to trust him again...
he again stood me up christmas, new year, chinese new year of 2007....im not saying that im an angel,,,im a fighter, most of the time im too bi*ch,,he hit me sometime before but i hit back,,that cheating he did changed me....

now 2008 may i went home to the philippines,until now september im still here, im just waiting for my documents then i will go back to beijing,,,my boyfriend in russia, in these 4 months i tried to keep in touch with him by calling him everyday or we can say as much or as long as i can, he answers but most of the times he ignored my calls, even power off he's mobile phone,, he said he's shy of talking in english in russia especially if he's friends are around, a lot of reasons he's telling me,,but what i feel is there is something wrong with him,,most of the time he didnt sleep at his home that's for sure!, but when i ask him if he's cheating, he'd say he's not,never,i dont know how will i believe him, im faithful to him and i dont know if he's the same with me,and what he's doing like not answering my calls ignoring it, it tortures me, mentally and emotionally...i dont know if he's cheating me or not..........i dont know how to act already, i think im going crazy because of this......

advice please..

[bluesummer]

I don't why you are still with him after he cheated on you the first time. He cheats on you, hits you, and is very disrespectful.....why do you WANT to be with a man like this? Don't you want to be treated nicely?

I think you should cut off contact with him and forget about going to Beijing to be with him.

[aprelka]

i want to be treated nice of course no one want to be like this, but i love him,i tries to leave him a lot of times already but i end up coming back to him...

[Cain]

i want to be treated nice of course no one want to be like this, but i love him,i tries to leave him a lot of times already but i end up coming back to him...

I think you're just lonely. It's not that you love him, it's that you don't have anyone else. I think that if you had another man in your life that treated you well, you'd realize you don't love this abusive cheater.

[aprelka]

yes i am lonely,,,because i build my world to him,i just cant seem to open up myself to anybody....i'm a musician, a vocalist in a band, a lot of guys tried to come near to me but its me who walk away from them coz i cant, i just cant.. i have him and for me its enough, but why it seemed that for him its easy, we're together for 2 years already but why he still hurt me emotionally...fidelity is all i want.

[Cain]

yes i am lonely,,,because i build my world to him,i just cant seem to open up myself to anybody....i'm a musician, a vocalist in a band, a lot of guys tried to come near to me but its me who walk away from them coz i cant, i just cant.. i have him and for me its enough, but why it seemed that for him its easy, we're together for 2 years already but why he still hurt me emotionally...fidelity is all i want.

But he's not going to give it to you. He's shown that. Why waste more of your life on a guy that's going to keep cheating on you?

[DoesntMatter]

Your first mistake was trusting a Russian

[aprelka]

in short "stupid" da?,, im stupid,,,and i think i cant put a period in our realtionship until i have proof that he cheated me again, atleast, i can hold my head high, and tell him its not me who make it end.

[Cain]

in short "stupid" da?,, im stupid,,,and i think i cant put a period in our realtionship until i have proof that he cheated me again, atleast, i can hold my head high, and tell him its not me who make it end.

You shouldn't need proof that he cheated again. He's cheated once and that should be enough. Not only that, but he's hit you. There's no excuse for that.

[aprelka]

i'm really a "bi**h" most of the time,nagger.....hayyyyyyy......and he's always telling me to trust him, that he will not lie to me again.....he's telling me sometimes that im being paranoid,and he's always telling me the first time he cheated me is last...
we even ended up like me telling him if u like or u want to cheat me with other girls just break up with me,,,tell me,,,because in what i believe in, telling the truth makes a person breath........ i just dont understand why men cant tell the truth?
why always lies? (im sorry if im talking generally)
(i dont know about any girls telling too much lies like guys do,but for sure its not me!) when i did something wrong i confess....that's me/

[Cain]

He's going to lie because he wants to be with you and sleep with other women. If he tells you he's cheating, you're going to leave him and he probably doesn't want that. I'm sorry, but once a cheater always a cheater.

And I don't care if you were insulting him every way you could. That is no excuse for a man to put his hands on a woman.

[aprelka]

its hard, i dont know what to do, i dont know how to do it.but sometimes i feel like i want to do the things that he's doing,to equal him.....

[aprelka]

and the other thing is why he dont want to lose me? what he wants from me?i really dont understand.

[Cain]

its hard, i dont know what to do, i dont know how to do it.but sometimes i feel like i want to do the things that he's doing,to equal him.....

That's stupid. Why cheat on him to get revenge? It just means that your relationship is meaningless. Don't go to his level... just end things with him for good.

[Cain]

and the other thing is why he dont want to lose me? what he wants from me?i really dont understand.

You may never know. Some guys like having a girl that's attached to them even if they aren't attached to her. He could like having you around as his "girl" even while he's out with other women.