girlfriend went out with another guy

[crazyk]

Hi guys, just looking for some help here. My girlfriend of 3 years went out with another guy for drinks the other night. It was just him, her, and alcohol. I like to go out and have a good time with my friends (almost always just a group of guys) but she always refuses to go with me because she says she does not like to drink. She has never been much of a drinker, so this I believe is true. The guy from work asked if she would go out with him after work, and she was out with him for 4 hours 1am, while ignoring my phone calls. I calmly told her it bothers me that she put herself in a poor situation going out with a guy she hardly knows for drinks, and she blew up at me. I wouldn't mind if it was with a group of people (which is what she originally implied), but this was almost a date. My birthday is Saturday, and the last I saw her was on Sunday. The part that really aggravates me about this situation is that she said on Sunday that she won’t see me till the end of the week because she is so busy with her college homework. How did she manage to find the time to go out with a guy for 4 hours for drinks? She calls me every day to tell me how tired she is, but when you go out with a guy for 4 hours and stay out till 1am, I have a hard time feeling sorry for you. Is this considered a date? She said I am being too controlling, but when she originally told me she was going out with people from work, I said that is fine. It bothered me that she choose to do this when she is so busy and complains about it every day, but the circumstances that it was a one on one with a guy and alcohol really makes me mad. I don't know what I should do, and I had to vent. Thanks for listening!

[ecojeanne]

it does sound like she is being unfair to you....i'd be miffed if a bf did that to me too....my ex did things like that to me and then i eventually broke up with him....but not solely based on that fact...but its not cool to forget about how you might feel....i think she should have been a little more understanding when you pointed out how inconsiderate she was to you

[crazyk]

Thanks for the replies, I know if she put herself in my situation she would be furious. I am a pretty laid back person so I tried to be calm about it, but it feels very unfair when I consider how she would react in my situation.

[TracyLynn18]

What sounds like is happening is you careing too much.
Giving any hard time to her about any desicion she is making means she is not getting the space she needs.

Who cares if she went out with 1 guy for 4 hours...they are co-workers and FRIENDS, and if you are in a trusting relationship you should understand that.

Its okay to want to spend time with a man who isn't your boyfriend, maybe she wants to pick his mind on things you do, or say, or her relationship, we need that.

I know you calling me, while I was out with this guy would irritate me to no end. You know Im out, you know I'm busy, we aren't married, and unless someone is dead I should be allowed to hang out with my friend...male, female or otherwise.

My suggestion is to back off... you are probably suffocating her, act as though you don't mind or care or think twice about what she does with her time. She wants to go out with 1 guy everynight, don't call her while she is, dont ask how it was, dont ask who shes with or what shes doing. Let her seek you out, and wonder why all of a sudden you dont care.

[ecojeanne]

i do agree to small extent with tracylynn18 but only with not making a big deal of this...if it keeps happening then she is taking you for granted....but i still think she was unfair to you in this case....make a mental note thats all

[misombra]

i would not even go for it. that person will have to be dumped.

[Cain]

Alcohol tends to be the big excuse a lot of people use when they do something they regret, so I never did think it was a good idea for a male and female to go out and drink when either is in a relationship. It's just asking for something to happen.

In this situation, I wouldn't have been mad at my gf for going out. I would have been irritated with her ignoring my calls, however. It's not about checking up on her to make sure she's not doing anything bad. It's about being able to call her at midnight to make sure she's alright and safe. I almost always waited up for my gf to get home when she went to the bar with friends of hers and she usually didn't get home until 2 or so.

[Junket]

What sounds like is happening is you careing too much.
Giving any hard time to her about any desicion she is making means she is not getting the space she needs.

Who cares if she went out with 1 guy for 4 hours...they are co-workers and FRIENDS, and if you are in a trusting relationship you should understand that.

Its okay to want to spend time with a man who isn't your boyfriend, maybe she wants to pick his mind on things you do, or say, or her relationship, we need that.

I know you calling me, while I was out with this guy would irritate me to no end. You know Im out, you know I'm busy, we aren't married, and unless someone is dead I should be allowed to hang out with my friend...male, female or otherwise.

My suggestion is to back off... you are probably suffocating her, act as though you don't mind or care or think twice about what she does with her time. She wants to go out with 1 guy everynight, don't call her while she is, dont ask how it was, dont ask who shes with or what shes doing. Let her seek you out, and wonder why all of a sudden you dont care.

The poster above is an idiot, don't listen to her.

Unfortunately she's probably going to dump you. Be careful about this because women tend to sabotage relationships slowly sooner than they'll straight up and break them off. She might go out with different guys, or with girls to parties, not answer your calls, or see you very often, and when you try to contact her, or ask her what it's all about, she'll get defensive and try to say you're suffocating her, and that you don't give her enough freedom, she needs space, you're too controlling (when you're clearly not).

Eventually, if you don't break up with her first, she'll break up with you under the guise that you were smothering her.

I know, just makes you wanna punch'em, eh?

Especially considering you're dealing with a college girl? I'm not at all surprised by this behavior.

Be a man, and break it off before she makes you look like the bad guy.

[Gigabitch]

What the ****? You calmly told her it bothers you? What are you, a eunuch?

I'm with 'sombra and Fras. Dump her ass. Dump her cheating-on-you-and-rubbing-it-in-your-face ass.

[bizi]

hi there,
there are some points u need to consider before u decide if she is thinking of dumping u or she shud be dumped by u,
did she tell u shes goin out with friend and its gonna be late. she is testing you becase you might be caring her too much and she wants some space. if u will complain about it she will leave you no matter 3 years or 5 years. my gf left me after 2 years of crying promises that she will do anythin to be with me, and she had a night out with her work mates a guy and a gal and there was alcohal too 2 days before she left me. she will probabally discuss u with that guy and if that guy is an A**Hole he wud tell her to leave u. so let her feel u are comfirtable with her for whateva she is doing. be sooo nice.

just keep ur eyes opened and look for any hint if u finds out that she is goin to breakup, dont let her,
tell her u into some other girl and breakup with her. that wud lead to jealousy and she wudnt do stupid things like that.

only do breakup if u sure shes gonna do it.....

wish u best of luck

[1averagejoe]

The fact that she blew up on you when you calmly told her how you felt hints disaster is soon to come. People get very defensive when they know they have done wrong or are trying to hide something. She sounds like she's preparing to cut it off with you. End it before you end up looking like the asshole. I wouldn't be surprised if she's cheating on you. She wouldn't answer your calls, snapped on you, and went out with a guy till late hours at a bar. Hmm...I wonder what happened there. That's bs, don't put up with it. Get rid of her.

I'd even go as low as saying, dump her by text right now.

[Only-virgins]

Is this guy for real? This girl openly cheats on him with some guy on a date for 4 hours and he takes it?

[CompleteFiasco]

Man, some replies here are just out of here :S

While I don't agreee with her doing and probably this IS a bad sign, on the other hand, when did the debate come to cheating?

You know, I see alot of people (in real life aswell), who claim that there was cheating involved, just because two folks went out on a few drinks. And now smart mouths, don't go and start attacking me, cuz I'm not defending the girl! I'm just saying that it doesn't mean there was cheating involved. I don't know why some people automatically go for this cliche statement!

Since you are together for 3 years now, I'm not sure I'd advise you to just "dump her"...you should at least try to have a longer conversation about everything. Then, dump her if you find it necesary.

Don't start judging your relationship or her because of one thing...
Then dump her and go cut the tyres of the other dude

[Illusional]

sorry, i would've bitched her out before posting this crap because her story is total bullshit.

raverboy

[23mako]

I went through a similar situation. I dated a girl for almost two years. I was kinda over the relationship, but I didn't want to break it off. I got a call from her and she said she was going out with a friend from high school. I never worried about her being with somebody else, so I never questioned it. The next few weeks I didn't see her much. She said she had tons of school work (last year in college) and that she didn't have a lot of time lately. A week or two later I went out with some friends and saw her out with a guy. I still didn't realize she was on a date, but she came over to me really upset and told me that she was on a date with him (she said it was an "innocent date"). I could have won her back, but I was over the relationship. It still hurt me really bad that she went on a few dates behind my back. Now they are married. Weird, huh? If you like this girl, you need to make sure you win her over more than he does because you don't have long before you are replaced.