Don't know if she likes me

[Spatula]

Hey,

I have to jet for work, so I'll make this quick. I'm 19, met this girl at a cafe near where I work, and we've chatted for a few months. She's been really nice to me, winks at me, calls me handsome etc. Last night I went out with her and some friends and we dipped out a bit early. We just kinda chilled and smoked weed (the thing to do in Vancouver). We had a great conversation about our lives/troubles etc. But nothing happened, and I really can't tell for sure if she likes me as more than a friend. I figure I want to be friends with her anyway, so next time I see her outside of the cafe I'll just tell her that I like her.

Anyway, any advice on if you think she likes me/what I should do? I would think she liked me if she wasn't so pretty--she's seriously out of my league. But then again, she's the type to make a lot of random friends and whatnot, so I may just be looking way too far into it.

Thanks for anything!

[shh!]

Why don't you try asking her on a date? If she accepts, she probably likes you. If she doesn't, she probably doesn't consider you potential boyfriend material.

[GrkScorp]

we've chatted for a few months. She's been really nice to me, winks at me, calls me handsome etc.

If she works at the cafe'.., then it's safe to disregard all of that..

Sorry.., but the girl has to earn her tips.., and making small-talk and making you feel good are just all part of a day's work..

If that's not the case.., calling you handsome is actually a negative.., (if you were handsome.., she'd been to intimidated or nervous to go ahead and tell you something like that).. That's like something I say to girls I find unattractive only to comfort their self esteem.. "you're so pretty".. or something my female friends tell to guys just to make them feel good.., "you're cute.., you're so sexy.., you're so handsome".. Take that comment very lightly..

Which means you're left with what? Winking.., being nice.., and talking to you? Are you kidding me? That's like trying to predict the stock market with rainfall in China..

It's safe to just ignore everything that you've put into your mind up until this point.. You're making yourself excited for no reason.. However.., that's not to say you should be discouraged or lose interest..

If you really do like talking to her.., and she was just being friendly.., but you liked getting to know her and spending time with her.. Then by all means.., hone in on that.., and next time you see her.. just ask her on a date.. simple.. no need to make it more complicated than that..

When you ask.., if she's hesitating to say "no".., and you get the vibe that she is thinking of a way to phrase it politely so she doesn't hurt your feelings.., just tell her you "understand" and leave it at that.. if she's hesitating to say "no" or makes a quick excuse.., I would personally try again.. Just to make her feel like she's put up some resistance and isn't "easy".. Like she's the most valuable thing on the planet and has blessed you with this golden opportunity to date her.., if that's not enough flattery for her ego.., then I don't know what more she wants.. And if she says "yes".., well.. then do whatever it is people do in Vancouver..

Unless she's attending Harvard or Yale.., and her family is on the Forbes 500 richest people in America list.., she's not out of your league.. In fact.., if you're not some jerk or like the guys in Pineapple Express.., and depending what you are doing with your life relative to her.., you might be the one that's out of her league..

Best,

GrkScorp

[ecojeanne]

Unless she's attending Harvard or Yale

do you think that people that attend these colleges are more special than people who don't?

[GrkScorp]

do you think that people that attend these colleges are more special than people who don't?

No.., nor do I think they're any more intelligent.., but who is going to cover the room & board? Let's face it.., financial aid and scholarships take only a hand-full of students so far.. The rest has to come from mommy and daddy..

It's the upper echelon of society.., not necessarily "better".., just more restrictive in terms of who can join.. So if you feel that you're "out of his/her league".., that would be the one limited case where you may be right..

Aside from that.., nobody is out of anyone's "league"..

If you feel that someone is "out of your league".., you're either just flattering yourself.., stroking your own ego.., or you're doubting yourself.., being unrealistically hard on yourself and overly self-critical..

[Spatula]

Hey, thanks for the advice. Yeah, I am always wary of cafe girls, so for the longest time I disregarded her niceness. I have no great hopes. She would be a cool friend at least.

She's into hanging out with me, so I'll probably take the above advice and ask her out on a date specifically. Thanks, people. Honestly, I don't exactly mind if she wants to be friends or more, because friends would be cool, and more would be cooler but also more of a commitment. Eh.

[GrkScorp]

She's into hanging out with me, so I'll probably take the above advice and ask her out on a date specifically. Thanks, people. Honestly, I don't exactly mind if she wants to be friends or more, because friends would be cool, and more would be cooler but also more of a commitment. Eh.

Damn! People in Vancouver are really chillaxed..

Have to make plans to go there sometime..

[Spatula]

Hey all, here's an update.

We've seen each other twice since that first time, both times just us. I took her out for dinner on Thursday, and we had a really great time and ended up spending six hours together. Last night, I went to her house after class (Saturday class is really lame) and she made dinner and we hung out. Problem is, I still can't tell what she thinks of me. We have a really good time together and talk about a lot of stuff, so as before, I still don't mind if we're destined for friendship or anything more. But at this point, I'd like to know. I figure I basically have to just tell her I like her, but that I'd still love to be friends with her, which is true. (This is a cool coincidence--as I type this, she text messaged me a nice message).

Anyways...now I'm derailed. Well, a lot of what she says makes me think she likes me, but there's also some stuff that makes me feel we're just friends. I'd say her comments are about 70/30 in terms of "liking" comments to "friendship." Hmm, I suppose what I want to ask you lot is, should I tell her I like her? Should I make that clear? Or should I just wait it out and see if anything develops naturally? Thank you for any advice, again!

[me_ben]

I think GrkScorp really helps you a lot, but still confused
what i wanna say is just respect her & make her feel secured more & more there is going to time when you actually going to know that yes she is falling for you.

[Trista22]

UMMMMM hmmmm just because she works in a cafe dosen't mean anything.... She took the time to chill with you didn't she???? Open your eyes a bit and go with the flow... Its really not rocket science.

[Spatula]

Word. I'm actually about to leave to see her perform, 'cause she's a singer/musician. That should be tight, as long as she doesn't fall for my buddy. Because that's how my only two real relationships ended. Very sad.

Anyway, thanks for the responses. I don't want to make it sound like I'm desperate and hanging on every word--this is a relationship advice forum, and I'm just seeing what other people have to say.
I know it's not rocket science, but I like to read outside perspectives. Thank you guys again! I'll try to update.

[Spatula]

So I didn't really update. But eh. I hadn't really made any progress, I guess. Anyway, we're together now, so that's cool. I really hit the jackpot. Hooray for me.

There's my update!

[Charlie Boy II]

Nice work son.

[Spatula]

And now I finish this sad story. She just dumped me, over the phone no less. Apparently she likes too many people right now to be with just one. That's nice.

In general, I feel somewhat used. I am also now very drunk.

So anyway. There was my story. Good luck to all of you! I will now continue drinking.

[Bo]

washington huh? haha i live in vancouver