Billy's mood of the week...

[BillyGalbreath]

Staind - 14 Shades of Grey - Fray
---
I know that it never goes away
All I feel, everything I'm not today
So I try and I try to make everything right
I don't feel like I'm doing it, it affects me

You wouldn't listen even if I told you
Who the **** am I to say?
You're too busy with the lies they sold you
Another cure to fix your day
Open wide for all the shit they feed you
While the TV defecates
And blindly walk wherever they lead you
While the edges slowly fray

I know that everything can change
What I need is to open up again
Ao never will I look back in vain
'Cause today's not the past,
I don't even need to relieve it

You wouldn't listen even if I told you
Who the **** am I to say?
You're too busy with the lies they sold you
Another cure to fix your day
Open wide for all the shit they feed you
While the TV defecates
And blindly walk wherever they lead you
While the edges slowly fray

Are you satisfied?
I've given it all I can
And are you pacified
Or do you want more from me?

You wouldn't listen even if I told you
Who the **** am I to say?
You're too busy with the lies they sold you
Another cure to fix your day
Open wide for all the shit they feed you
While the TV defecates
And blindly walk wherever they lead you
While the edges slowly fray

I've learned that this life's not just a game
Just a line between the pleasures and the pain

You wouldn't listen even if I told you
Who the **** am I to say?
You're too busy with the lies they sold you
Another cure to fix your day
Open wide for all the shit they feed you
While the TV defecates
And blindly walk wherever they lead you
While the edges slowly fray

-----------

I think I am gonna start putting one of these every week - just to let ppl know where my mind, heart and soul are.

[squirrley]

this would be one of those things you start in your journal!!!

I dont do it anymore-the journal thing-even deleted ALL of them-found too much bs going on when it came to my own damn personal thoughts. So I leave it out completely now.

[BillyGalbreath]

hmm - good point - I will have to set up a journal this weekend and then start putting these there next week.

[squirrley]

its a good idea to keep track of how you are feeling-you can look back and reflect!

[Morbid Angel]

Billy!!! our moods are exactly the same

[BillyGalbreath]

Well, I figured my mood changes alot - like constantly -- one minute happy, one minute sad, the next minute angry. I go thru alot of emotions but those are the main three that I seem to be repeating. But yeah if I was to average out how I feel for the day it is mainly like that song so far all week long. idk, it might change by the time to go to lunch today. I am really weird like that.

Anyways, I started talking about this in another thread but I will bring it to here since it fits better here...

I need a good title for myself - A title to put under my name on each post. I want to find a titla that suits me - all of me - I am getting kinda tired of changing it 3 or 4 times a day to match the mood i am in.

So yeah... I am taking any suggestions for it.

Oh and yeah another thing I wanted to mention before but always forgot... I am at home from 6pm to 10 pm central US time every weekday just sitting in front of the damn computer screen looking for Ms. Right... So yeah, I guess I am trying to say is if your interested even slightly or even just want to chat, message me - my messengers are constantly on so if I dont reply it is because I am not there... The best time to catch me is from 6pm to 10pm central time.

Hmm... Now that sounds desperate... wtf is wrong with me ? LOL

[squirrley]

ok-how about MASTER of all moods? We have a LORD of something already...Master would be more suitable for you...cause you have mastered them...you can identify most clearly about them all and explain them all really well...TRY THAT!

And uh-well as far as looking for Ms. Right? Why dont you spend some time with your children and get to know yourself get yourself situated first and stable. Then you can become MASTER of yourself? And the ladies will follow...

[BillyGalbreath]

hmmm - i picked lord of all moods because it saounded like lord of all goo - lol

i am still thinking of something that is catchy - i am just going thru a few trying them on for awhile - see how ppl react to them - etc etc

i guess i will remove the lord thing because i didnt think about it completely - it might piss some ppl off by thinking i am a copy cat

And about the whole Ms. Right thing - I want to find her now - I dont expect a relationship or anything of the sort for a long time - but I want to become friends with her now - Whoever she is I know will make me happy by being my friend - When I become stable and situated with a home and car and such then things will skyrocket from there. But I dont want to wait until then to start looking for her - then i will still be alone for a long time because I want to be friends with her first and really take things slowly this time -- 'live fast, die fast' -- So yeah. idk what else to really say but that. I am not good with owrds - but in my mind its all perfectly clear to me.

[BillyGalbreath]

ok screw the journal thing - no one ever looks there anyways - I want everyone to see my moods. hehe - idky, i just do...

Horoscopes For Today: 5/19/2004
It's been a long, challenging struggle, but you gradually gain the upper hand. Your physical presence dominates the space. The balance swings in your direction. Everyone has to admit that you won fair and square. As happy as you are about this, try to be gracious about your triumph. Your good example leaves the best impression of all. If anybody ever replaces you in this position, just hope that he or she follows your shining example.

Here is my mood this week, which I am sure most of you can tell from my posts lately. Its a short song and to the point. But yeah, you will have to hear it to get the full feel of it. It is the last song on the 14 shades of grey album.

Intro
Band: Staind
Album: 14 Shades Of Grey


Thank you to the people in my life
For putting up with me
And thank you for the time you sacrificed
All on account of me

For all the times I didn't say
The times I didn't say
For all the times I didn't say
Times I didn't say

**** you to the jaded and the fake
Like to see what you would do
**** you and the judgements that you make
We're not all perfect just like you,
Like you,
Like you

For all the times I didn't say
Times I didn't say
For all the times I didn't say
The times I didn't say

All the times I didn't say
All the times I didn't say

Thank you to the people in my life for putting up with me

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 5/26/2004
Reinvent the wheel. Look into books and boxes that have been gathering dust far too long. Pretend to be a tourist in your own town. Open your eyes to things that you never noticed in any detail. Replay forgotten tapes and listen to the passion and urgency that still applies here and now. You're developing new appreciation for the unexpected. If you're in the mood to plan a surprise for someone else, you can be sure that this one will be for the history books. People adore you when you get this way. Maybe you should have these adventures more often.


System of a Down - Aerials

Life is a waterfall,
We're one in the river,
And one again
After the fall

Swimming through the void,
We hear the word
We lost ourselves
But we find it all?

(chorus)
'Cause we are the ones that want to play
Always want to go
But you never want to stay

And we are the ones that want to choose
Always want to play
But you never want to lose

Aerials, in the sky
When you free small mind
You free your life

Life is a waterfall,
We drink from the river
Then we turn around and put up our walls

Swimming through the void,
We hear the word
We lost ourselves
But we find it all?

(repeat chorus)

Aerials, in the sky
When you free small mind
You free your life
Aerials, so up high
When you free small mind
Eternal prize
(repeat x2)

------------

I cant really explain what I have been feeling lately - But I can say this - I have begun to see things that I wouldn't have seen before - I also feel things I have never felt before.

And for the first time ever - I am proud to be alone. Being single is starting to feel good. My moods are starting to change less and less - I will be in a mood for longer periods of time - and when my moods shift they shift slowly and alot less drastic.

I am not as emotional as I was before. I have also begun to think about others before myself. I really dont know what is going on with me. But yeah - I'm pretty happy.

Like the song says - I lost myself, but now I've found it all. So yeah - hopefully you understand waht I am saying - I am beggining to understand it. LIFE IS SO AWSOME !!!

[Morbid Angel]

ah man i wish i could be you. i get so contempt with being lonely the one minute, and it feels like this is finally going better, and then i suddenly just fall back into the old stuff.

everything feels fine, and im happy to be lonely. then after seeing him i just go back to thinking why cant we be together? its not really the feeling that bugs me, its that i tell him i miss him, and he just gets this irritated look on his face like 'not again'. tonight he actually said 'ur not gonna cry again are u?' it makes me so sad that thats what we've come to.
i never even cared about feeling things, i felt sorry for ppl who 'love'
why cant i go back to feeling that

[BillyGalbreath]

cut contact with him - I haven't seen or talked to Destine in over 2 months - It really does help you move on faster - trust me.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

But don't you miss her like hell..?.. I mean.. I'm sure you do.. Cos on your other posts you said you did.. Why would you wanna cut contact when you've been so close with them..?

[BillyGalbreath]

Because its the best thing for yourself - If I would have kept in contact with her and talk to her - I would have put myself thru more pain - it is NEVER gonna get better unless you cut contact. Plain and simple.

I didn't believe it was the best thing either when she first left me - I kept talking to her for about a month - putitng myself thru constant pain and held on to the hope of 'one day she'll come back' - then I finally got fed up and said '**** her!' and I just stopped talking to her and anyone that knows her - and for a few weeks, yes - it hurt like hell to not even see her - but eventually I just started to think of her less and less.

Now it has gotten to the point that I want nothing to do with her - and no - I dont miss her - I miss what we had yes, but not her - Once I took a few steps back and took a good look at everything I realized that she is NOT what I wanted. In fact - she is everything I HATE.

I dedicate the song 'I ****ing hate you' by Godsmack to her.

Yes - sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night hoping she is there - but this is happening less and less as I move on with MY life.

Things really do get better once the contact has been cut for good. No 'lets just be friends' or any of that bullshit. Cut it off - completely - hate him if you have to.

Only then will things get better for you.

[BillyGalbreath]

Horoscopes For Today: 6/3/2004
This town just isn't big enough for you, whether you're living in a tiny village or a vast metropolis. Dreams are multiplying within your crowded brain. You have a ravenous appetite for new experiences. No one holds you against your will, although you're so attractive that many would try. You imagine yourself in different outfits and lifestyles. Accessorize creatively. New ideas and fashions come from people like you. Maybe it isn't your goal to be famous, but soon anyone who matters will know your name.


Godsmack - Release the Demons

What do you see in the dark
when the demons come for you

If only you could have seen
how ****ed up my life used to be
then everything starts to change
supposedly healing my pain
I never thought I'd feel this way
I never thought that I'd see a day
I'd run away from anything or anywhere or anyone
Its all these demons haunting me
Its all these little things trapped inside of me
Releasing me from all my sin
Its taken me all my anger
And taken me all of my hate
To learn how my life came together
Releasing the demons again

And now I look through my minds eye
And see where my past needs to rest
Its always disturbed by these voices
That echo inside of my head
Another way that I can hide
Another reason to crawl inside and get away
from everything and everywhere and everyone
NO!
Its all these demons haunting me
Its all these little things trapped inside of me
Releasing me from all my sin

Its taken me all my anger
And taken me all of my hate
To learn how my life came together
Releasing the demons......again

Facin the days as I grow into my own
Loving and hatings the same
And three-fold I told you
it comes back with laughter
Over and over again
Its coming back

Its taken me all my anger
And taken me all of my hate
To learn how my life came together
Releasing the demons again

------------------

Well for the past week I have been slowly tearing in two. I was holding oin to two fidderent things that I did not want to let go of. To very opposites that were drifting apart faster and faster.

In one hand I was holding onto my past that I didn't want to go back to, but for some reason I just did not want to just let go of everything I worked for so long to get, or should I say loose. In the other hand was an old love that came back into my life recently, but she is engaged. I wanted her back and she wanted me back, but she didnt want to leave her man. It made me look at my other hand really closely to see if it was worth holding onto. Then when I looked back at my other hand I saw things that I didnt see before.

I saw the big picture then. Not just what was in my hands, but of everything around me. Thats when I made my decision.

I let them both go. I released my hands and let myself fall to the ground. When destine left me I was falling towards the ground fast. And I kept trying to grab onto the roots sticking out of the cliff beside me as I fell. I snatched one and started to climb back up. Then Andira came to my other side in a helecopter (or somethin, lol) and I grabed onto it. But I never let go of the root that was in my other hand either. I had never hit the ground completely before. I was close. But I started to climb back up the cliff.

Now I am on the ground. Alone. The beginning. A fresh start. Now I will stand up on my own two feet flat on the ground. Then I shall prepare myself for my own mountain when it comes.

hehe - I hope you guys like my little analogies. Its the only way I can seem to put my thoughts into words. Thru analogies and poems and songs.

But like alexi said in another thread, Here's to a new beginning! *raises up coke can again* CHEERS !