Valid?

[ElChombo]

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost six months now and it's been amazing so far. We were talking about the upcoming weekend a couple nights ago on the phone, and she was talking about her plans. So at some point she says "and on Saturday (her ex) is coming over to see the kittens..." and I reply with an "okay". Then she says "if that's alright with you, of course", and I know that if I told her it wasn't alright with me she wouldn't have him over, but I say "no problem".

So..... she hasn't seen her ex outside of school for the entire time we've been dating and they haven't talked much, so this is absolutely out of the blue. The thing is, he's a scumbag and I don't trust him in the least. She found out from one of her friends that he tried to get the friend to let him do her while he was going out with my current girlfriend.

Anyway, I sort of let the phone conversation dry up and when she asked me what was wrong, I didn't tell her... but I was actually thinking about how not-cool this is. The two things that bother me are a) "seeing the new kittens" is kind of a thin excuse and b) of her VERY limited spare time, she spends it with him instead of me. Okay, I know the second thing is really stereotypically guyish, but.... I don't know.

Oh, and there's the thing about how this guy is a complete asshole.

But of course, I'm not going to tell her what I think because It'll make me feel really possessive and she'll feel bad etc.
And I'm sure nothing will happen, but if her parents weren't going to be home, I wouldn't put it past him to do something inappropriate.

Anyway, I'm wondering whether or not my feelings and concerns are valid because it's kind of been eating me up.
Thanks,
Rick

[Cain]

I'm tired of people not communicating their feelings. If it bothers you, tell her so you two can talk about it and work through it. Communication is extremely important.

[jennyc]

Yes, they definitely are valid feelings and I don't know why you wouldn't tell her how this makes you feel. That wouldn't in any way make you posessive. At least she was honest and told you this so that's a good sign, and you should be honest in return with your true feelings. What if you asked if you could be there when the ex comes over? Nothing wrong with her hanging with him and you together.

[ElChombo]

Jenny,
The ex and I are no longer on speaking terms, as our differing values prevent us from respecting one-another. Instead of being bitter with her for breaking up with him, he's furious with me because I'm going out with her now... And I know how she feels about the whole "male - male supervision" thing because apparently it sort of frustrated her that he was always trying to do that with me.

I know that I should have told her right from the get-go that I didn't like the idea, but It's a little late now and I'm sure it won't be a recurring thing. However, if this keeps on happening, I will definitely tell her how I feel.