jealous of my boyfriend.. and my best friend.

[no1one]

hey guys,

my best friend, sam and i started going out recently after liking each other for quite a while and everything seemed fine. my girl best friend, steph was never close to sam before this. we were all in the same group in college anyway. after we started going out, i understand its completely normal for her to get close to sam right? after about a week though, her closeness was different and maybe its because of my insecurities. she began hugging him (around the waist) and holding his arm when we'd walk and at one point she kissed him on the cheek to "see my reaction" which i " didnt care".. it didnt bug me as much then.

but shes found him to talk to now.. basically everynight they are talking and playing till three in the morning. at college, me and sam dont get close as we dont want to make everyone awkward and i dont see him after or even during the weekends because my parents dont allow guy friends let alone boyfriends and so i never have anytime with him.

when im sitting with him, sometimes she cuddles up and she apologises and says "dont worry nothing sexual, he's just so comfy". and when im working, she spends time with him at college to study and she says "sorry, im going to be with your boyfriend this week"

and just fyi, i do trust my boyfriend because he always asks me if im ok with it, but at this point i can't tell him how i feel JUST incase i'm making a big deal about it and i also know if i tell him, he'll cut her off a bit and i'd feel bad about that because when he found out about maria and how i felt, he's almost lost contact with her =\ .. which brings me to another point.

when me and sam started going out, maria who was close to sam started popping up out of nowhere and asking him to stay back with him and one time asked me if i was jealous (jokey/sarcastic) and steph got angry that she would do that to me "even if she doesnt know or even if you're not jealous that shes with him, she should still know her position and know that sam already has a girlfriend and she can't go around doing this"... and now steph seems to be going against all that she said herself..

is it normal for her to be this close to him? i mean, they're close friends now i guess and she has a boyfriend so i'm sure she wont do anything but its just that i feel i cnt trust her as much because she knows how i am about these things because we've been best friends for so long.... is she only doin it because she thinks im ok with it??

i understand that steph probably feels like shes lost me?? but i havent changed since i've gone out with him since we were friends in the first place but its just how close shes been getting to him recently.

im so confused guys.. please help me? sometimes i feel i can't take this relationship because im scared if i say anything to sam, i'll come between sam and steph's friendship.. and i really dont want that and i love both of them very much but sometimes i feel like the girlfriend and not the best friend to any of them anymore. =(

[Icera]

I realize this post is very late, but in case anyone else out there has the same problem I would like to write this reply.
I'm in the almost exact same situation. I got a boyfriend and naturally my friends started getting close to him too as he was always near me. One friend in particular got close because they have somewhat similar interests and it didn't bother me much to begin with.

As I see this situation you have to remember that your girl best friend is keeping you updated, she is not concealing anything from you she apologizes if it seems inappropriate and she tells you that she is with him, so I wouldn't worry too much about it at the moment. What worries me more would be his reaction to it.

In my case my boyfriend told me that he didn't understand how my friend could be single since she was such a cool girl and he confessed that if he wasn't with me he would probably end up with her (ouch!) which kinda broke me down because I suddenly felt very insecure and all the "what if"'s started stirring in my mind.

What you should try and think of is her perspective, maybe she's a little envious of what you guys have and wish she had something like it herself (I don't know how things are with her boyfriend?)

Anyway, I wish I would know how it played out with you guys cause right now I'm a little confused in my own life.
Take care

[Gigabitch]

If Steph was a real friend she wouldn't be hanging all over your boyfriend. If Sam was a real boyfriend, he'd be cuddling with you, not Steph.

You're in the way.

[wipe_out]

I'm with Gigabitch on this one..

Also you shouldn't be afraid to share your feelings with the people you call your best friends.. They should understand and respect your feelings..